ANSWERS: 73
  • I don't see why her past sexual experiences bother you, she can't go back and change them, I'm sure she wouldn't either because we learn from those experiences whether we take something good or bad out of them and makes us into what we are today. Wanting to break up with someone just because she met someone before you is ridiculous, but if its that big a deal and you can't get over it, just tell her the truth; don't play her, don't make her think you have a chance, just tell her outright; pick a spot she is comfortable with though, where she is in her element; since your going to be doing the dumping it would be considerate not to do it at your place, a friends, or in front of friends, group etc...
  • I wished I could have experienced a virgin too, but guess what... for every man who has 2, someone gets none. if you want to be moralistic in our society and still have a virgin you will likely never get lucky. the odds of any given girl being compatible AND interested in you are low enough as it is, add on the rarity of virginity and you will have to settle for someone who has mental problems to find someone that "pure" seriously, how many people your age do you know to be virgins. now divide the percentage of people who you meet who you find eachother attractive by that number and you have an estimate of your odds.
  • I just want to say if you love her, her past shouldn't be an issue. Gus can tend to get on this idea that they want a woman no man has ever had before because they are insecure, it's really not a bog deal to me. I think you are making a bigger deal out of virginity than it need be. with that being said though, I think the only way to break up with someone is to do it honestly and truthfully. Tell her why.
  • sounds very shallow.
  • Just tell her exactly how you feel. I had a similar problem. I'm also a virgin and a Christian. My ex's life was just too different from mine and if we had stayed together much longer, I very likely would have lost my virginity. If she's allowing you to see her unclothed or enticing you somehow, you're playing with fire and unless you plan to get burned, you need to flee.
  • Woah! Firstly, was there anything seriously wrong in the relationship before you found this out? Is this a new relationship, or have you been together for a while? I personally don't understand what the big deal is about this all magical, mystical 'virginity' thing is that people seem to worship, as though it is some kind of meaningful entity which can determine someone's worth. I'm all for taking a person for who they are and as they are at the time. But if it's such a big thing to you then... Firstly, if it's a new relationship (especially if you are young), then don't mention the 'issue' when you break it off. Just say that she's a wonderful person, but the chemistry just wasn't right, something like that. That's still true, but isn't going to scar her for life. If you've been with her for longer, then you're stuck. You have to tell her. If you don't, she'll always wonder why this relationship she thought was going really well suddenly ended. Trust me, if you care for her at all, you won't leave her wondering. This does not mean that telling her will be any easier. Basically, what you are saying to her is that you don't want to be with her because she's a great, big ----. She'll be hurt. She might cry. It may leave a lasting scar on her self esteem. Try to avoid this by explaining to her what your beliefs are on the subject - thereby somewhat removing her personal worth from the equation. Your goal should be for her to leave thinking, 'Wow, I really lucked out there, that guy had some really old fashioned ideas... I am not a bad person.' I hope this helped!
  • Chill out about the virginity thing, or you're going to be one for quite a while.
  • don't break up with her, it is stupid to give up true love just because she is not a virgin
  • You know, Love's got this problem where he attracts virgins. Most of the girls he's had sex with were virgins when they started dating. He knows it hurts (a few bled scary amounts) and he hates that. He'd rather *not* be anyone's first if it meant he wasn't the one hurting them. I don't know how old you are, or how long you've been dating, or if it's just this silly notion you've held on to or whether you're very devoutly Christian or what. And I think that you should never have sex with someone you don't want to. And, I think that it's unfair for men to want their wives to be virgins unless they're willing to be virgins themselves, which you seem to have down. But, with only the facts on hand, I do think you're being silly. If you're 18, you've been dating for 2 weeks and she's had sex with 4 guys, that's maybe part of a major personality difference; if you're 25, you've been dating for 3 years and she had sex with one guy in a relationship 5 years ago, I don't think it is, especially since you don't say "I want my first time to be with another virgin on my wedding night." Since *all* you're giving us is that she's not a virgin, I can't say whether you might be right for reasons only tangentially related to it, but... at first glance it looks like you're totally okay with premarital sex, as long as it's with you. There's no magical sparks or anything that bind you together; I barely even talk to the first girl I had sex with. I know Love doesn't talk to most of the girls he had sex with, either. Anyway. I suppose if you've talked about it, all you can really say is I'm sorry, but I'm looking for a different girl. And if this was a longer-term relationship, and she doesn't think you're a giant dipshit for holding this belief so strongly, maybe she'll take you back if you get over it.
  • Are you afraid to get some kind of STD/OR something?? Well it's better safe than sorry.
  • I think you are being a little harsh on her. She was honest with you about her past, and breaking up with her is punished for it? I don't understand why you want to do this. I don't think that's really fair. She cared enough to tell you her past and now you look down on her for it? Kinda cruel to me. However, I am sure your mind is made up and that's fine. But rest assured, the older you get the less likely you will be to find someone chaste.
  • well. is it that she's not a virgin that bothers you - because that's something past that she can't exactly change - or is it that your moral standards and her moral standards don't line up currently - because that's slightly more relevant. i don't think there's anything wrong with you for wanting your first to be with a virgin as well - i actually respect you for it. if you plan to break up with her, i'd just suggest being up front, honest, but not brutally blunt, you know? but she deserves to know the truth and you deserve to be heard out. hopefully everything works out for the best for you
  • well thats a bit harsh, what does it matter that she has had sex??? you love her dont you?? if so then why are you letting virginity come in between you?
  • Just tell her that she is used goods and you want one fresh from the pack. Honestly, if you feel this strongly about it then you should break up with her so she can find someone who cares for her as she is. But, everyone has imperfections so be prepared to do a lot of searching and by then you might find all the women your age are no longer virgins and I guess then your screwed, or not.
  • Ok so now you go and break up with this beautiful girl just because she isn't a virgin and next thing you will do is find a virgin who might not make you happier than the first one. You will be sorry all your life and most probably when you are not a virgin anymore, you will start chasing her again. It happened to me and I can assure you that my ex-boyfriend is now NOT happily married and had continued chasing me and seeing me every now and then for a very long time. Be careful.. Don't let her past bother you. If you love her, try and make your relationship work and if you have to leave her, leave her for a more serious reason and not about her past! Good luck dear.
  • Is that the only reason you want to break up with her? That's too bad...for you. You really need to think about this because if everything else is great, then you will be losing a wonderful girl. If you just want a virgin BECAUSE she's a virgin, that seems shallow.
  • Wow. Afraid you're gonna be lacking in bed or something?? At least she is being honest with you about her past. In my opinion it doesn't matter if the person you are taking is a virgin or not because all that should matter is that you care about them.
  • Your so innocent just like my little cousin. I would say don't break up. If you want your first time to be with a virgin, it doesn't have to be her. You can wait. But the best part is you got a girl who isn't shy and sex is just on offer for you.
  • In my opinion you shouldn't judge her because of her past, you might regret letting her go in the future. If you really want to be with her than stay with her , for all you know she might be that special someone you can share your life with.
  • Tell her that you have lost your mind. Because you have.
  • How old are you? Is she a slut, or has she just had sex? Do you want sex, or are you being held back from religious beliefs or something else? I used to be really picky when it came to girls and their virginity. Eventually I realized that I was just wasting lots of time that I could have enjoyed with beautiful girls who had lost their virginity already. If she is a great girl, and she's beautiful, you should go with it, unless she is a slut. So what if she has lost her virginity already.
  • IMO, only a moron would break up with a girl simply b/c she's experienced.
  • You should leave her. It's obvious you don't care about her, so why drag it out?
  • I recommend you simply tell her as quickly and as harshly as you can. It will make her sad for a while, but the kindest thing you can do for her is to make sure she gets as far away from someone as judgemental, naive, and emotionally abusive as you, as fast as possible.
  • Well, you are obviously a man of principles so the only way is the truth. Plain and simple. If she doesnt understand, then there is further proof that she is not the one for you.
  • That's so totally stupid. She's beautiful. I'm guessing you like her but you haven't even said. But she's not a virgin. Why do you want your first time to be with another virgin? Stop being so bloody judgemental. If you want to break up with her, just tell her this and it should work out fine.
  • She may be a really neat person and you may lose an opportunity for a great relationship. If you feel strongly about this than you should break it off immediately by telling her how you feel and move on.
  • You should just be concerned about how good of a person she is and how much you like her. None of what you just mentioned should matter. And, if you keep thinking that way, you're gonna accidentally end up with someone who might be a virgin but that will also be a horror show in many ways that you'll end up wanting to strangle. It's the person that matters and not their past or whether they've had sex or not before you. But, if you do break up with her, at least be cool enough to tell her the truth. That's how you do it.
  • You my friend are what they call a judgemental ass. Go ahead and break up with her. You'll be doing her a huge favor by allowing her to be back out on the market where she can find a real man who will love her in spite of her past and accept her for who she is. Does the fact she's not a virgin really matter that much? Or are there other issues that you aren't telling us about? This girl opened up her heart to you and told you things about her past that I am sure she struggled with revealing to you but she did it anyway and why because she obviously loves you and wanted you to know about her past because she obviously felt things were going somewhere between the two of you. It took alot of guts and courage for her to do that and I am sure it didn't come easy for her so how dare you use that information to judge her and now think she's not worthy of your love just because she's not who you thought she was. I hope one day you find someone you love and you have some secret from the past that you reveal to them and are judged harshly for it. Maybe then you'll understand what it is you are doing to this poor girl by allowing her past to affect your feelings for her.
  • 1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11"No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
  • If you love her and care about her don't let this bother you. A virgin is not that important and very idealistic.
  • i dont feel that its fair to break up with somebody for that reason but if you already have decided to break up with her. the best thing you can do is show her respect by being honest with her and just telling her how it is.
  • Heeeeey, me and some of my friends are having this little gathering in a clearing in the woods at midnight on Halloween Eve. Would you like to join us? If we're not there when you arrive, you can lay down on the big rock in the middle of the clearning and wait for us with your eyes closed
  • Well your right you should break up with her because she's already made 2 big mistakes the first being the guy she lost her virginity to & the 2nd mistake she made was caring enough about you to tell you about it. I understand as a young man you want your 1st time to be with someone I guess you would consider wholesome & pure as you are but that don't mean its going to be the best experience you will ever have just because you find that in someone else. But if you are concerned because she's had multiple partners & your afraid of catching an STD then I understand you using this as a way of getting out of this relationship. You need to do it ASAP because A. you need to move on to greener pastures & B. She's going to want to get her some pretty soon & feel that closeness & your not the man for the job so let her go & find her one.
  • Geez...you must not have gotten to know her at all before asking her to be your GF. Now she is the one going to be punished for your mistake. Thats pretty low. Everyone has the right to decide who is right or wrong for them though so at least let her down easy. I mean...she didnt DO anything wrong to you. You just forgot to find out some crucial info about the girl before you dragged her into your world. Be more up front with the next girl and let them know that being a virgin is your #1 priority. I just feel bad for this girl because she is basically about to be told she is just too nasty or dirty and used up for him. Like a kleenex. Best of luck to her and you on your quest of unsoiled flesh. Bring water...you may be out there a loooong time searching.
  • She deserves better than you.
  • If you are a virgin for religious reasons, then you might want to read up on "forgiveness" But if you are a virgin for other reasons, then just be open and honest with her. Let her down gently.
  • Did you ever really care about her? how long have you been dating? Are you 15? Should you be worried about her past. Jesus forgave a prostitute and loved her. Maybe your not religous. If you are you need to understand that when you judge you take the sin as your own. You do not have to believe me ask the people at your church. That is what it means judge not least ye be judged. It is simple when you judge you are then judged by your judgement. If it is the sin part you are worried about it is not your sin it is hers. To breaking up be a man and tell her the truth but remember the judgement
  • If you are not comfortable move on right away.
  • OMG Well i guess u should give it a try and stay with her, not only think about her non-virginity but what made u like her and all the good things she has.
  • Coachmaster, you sound like a shallow, sad young thing. I took a boy's virginity once as a rather experienced young woman, we both knew what we were getting into, and I have to say that I gave him one of the sweetest experiences. Of course it was just that, an experience, not a relationship, but we both went away happy. Check out the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" if you want to see two virgins trying to have sex. It's freakishly funny. Now my advice: Tell your girl that you're a virgin, and you're freaked out that she's not because it makes you feel inferior. Then move on, there are lots of virgins out there in your age bracket.
  • Honestly, would you rather be with someone who isn't a virgin but is the most considerate wonderful person you've ever met or would you rather have someone who is a virgin but isn't very respectful to you or the ones you care for? There must be some traits, other than the issue of your girlfriend's virginity, that make her a quality person? Why did you bother to decide to go out with her? If you outright label every potential candidate to be your girlfriend by their virginity, then you're going to be missing out on some very reliable and wonderful human beings. I understand, I used to be a virgin and truth be told, I was waiting for marriage. I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend. My boyfriend has done everything under the sun and he told me practically everything he did with almost ever girl he's been with..he was somewhat of a wild party animal back in the day. it bothers me that I wasn't his first but his character is something that I admire. He's very kind and considerate and I could not be more proud of his accomplishments as a person. Realize, though.. your girlfriend cannot take back the experiences she had. It's unfortunate that you have to condone her for losing her virginity in the past. She's with you now and if you're a good respectful boyfriend, then I know she regrets and wishes she had lost her virginity to you. However, I don't really know the character of your girlfriend. For all I know, she could have had a wild past with numerous partners without any forethought or conscience of what she was doing. They could have been selfish reason for instance. I can understand this too and if she seems like she hasn't grown out of her wild party days, then it's understandable as to why you feel uncomfortable being with her. Some advice though, I hope she already sees a foreshadowing of what you're about to do and why you're about to break up with her. Otherwise, breaking her heart unexpectedly would be selfish on your part. I would talk to her first, make sure that she knows where you stand and talk to her about how she feels about the loss of her virginity and whatnot. Make her understand that she is not a terrible person and that it is you that is uncomfortable with the issue. If she truly is a good person, which I'm suspicious about.. If she truly was a good person you wouldn't be breaking up with her...or else that would make you look very naive and ignorant, then tell her that someone more compatible to her will come along. Tell her that you may remain friends if you wish but ultimately in the end, the bottom line is that she is a good person but you prefer someone who is likewise a virgin like yourself.
  • There are more important things than whether or not she has already had sex with someone else. She has been HONEST with you, that is the most important thing. She cares for you, that is also more important than her past. Whether or not she is willing to spend the rest of her life with you is also much more important. If you can't look past her history, you may not be able to look to the future, so maybe she should leave you due to your hang ups.
  • UMM WOW I WOULD SAY GET HER TO TALK MORE SO THAT SHE CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL
  • Dude, that is some serious no-bull-shit male attitude you got and I can't find enough words to praise you for sticking to your values, believes, goals and ideas about relationships. Please thank for you your parents or whoever influenced you to be that way because they did a great job. You got a beautiful girl, the relationship got serious and you started talking about sex. You figured out that she did not measure up to your values because you wanted to be you first time special and you think about breaking up with her. That's all great and that's how a real man should be thinking and be ready to split with a girl if she does not measure up. That's what is called "having balls" and that's what a lot of males don't have these days. Then, there is the real life aspect. Let's face it. It is very likely that you will have many sexual partners in your life. She will probably have many sexual partners in her life as well. 10 on average for each of you. It is just the way life goes. We move from one person to another until we find someone to marry. We would not go into a committed relationship without any serious considerations, sex being one of them. You may come across one or two virgins in your experience. But that is not the point. If you meet a 25 y/o woman, it is quite likely that she has already had a few sexual partners. So in the grand scheme of things, if you look out 10 or 15 years from where you are virginity may not matter much. What probably matters more is being with the person you love at the time when you loose your viriginity. So you have to figure it out for yourself what values are most important for you and decide if you want to break up with her or not. Last advice, if you decide to break up with her do it in person, in a quite and confident manner without any remorse or regrets afterwards. That's how a real man would do it.
  • Just tell her how you feel. Did she have sex before with someone she loved or was it just a no strings type thing?
  • wow your a moron... ppl are gonna have their pasts, the past is just that, the past. Shes with you now and plans to stay devoted to you. Your virginity isnt this huuuuuuge thing that its made out to me. dont be a hypocrite... Go find a 12 yr old if you want something that doesnt have a past and is a virgin... idiot... if you dont like my opinion then thats too bad, everyones entitled to their own thoughts and opnions.
  • If it really bothers you that much, then you should break up with her. Let her be with someone who will love her for who she is, not judge her for her past mistakes. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. There isn't anything wrong with you being a virgin and there isn't anything wrong with desiring your first experience to be with another virgin. But you need to be upfront with any girl that you may date. It isn't fair to start a relationship, let it progress, then spring a known issue on them.
  • You can't be IN love with her because it wouldn't matter. Everyone has a past. Some people think being a virgin is the problem... trust me I was one till my mid 20's. It just happened because the man I was seeing wanted me to stay a virgin till we married. Sadly, he and I did marry but nothing ever happened sexually between us and the whole thing was anulled. The point is that it's NOT about that in fact it's about your feelings. The bottom line is that you have to be able to live with yourself and wtih her. It sounds like a little bit of a 'trust' issue and also how deeply you care about each other. She being a beautiful girl just isn't enough. Good luck.
  • Tell her the truth: you are not old enough to understand that virginity doesn't matter at all.
  • Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her what you said in this question. There is never a better time then to tell the other one the truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. Many girls loose their virginity at an early age and they do not realize that the gentlemen and the perfect mates, are normally guys that don't like girls that sleep around. Good for you! Find yourself and nice respectable girl that appreciates someone like yourself. Good Luck!
  • thats really sad..i guess you cant be with anyone that has a past..and thats everyone..even you..
  • It must be really uncomfortable knowing that she is so experienced. Maybe you should tell her you two got together at the wrong time. Give yourself some time to date around and figure if you can oversee her past. If the situation allows, stay friends with her, you never know what might happen. Good luck.
  • Say so long.
  • That's weaksauce.
  • Explain her that you are coming from different backgrounds and have different experiences which can never help you make this relationship work, so its better for both of you to break up now before you get to involve.
  • Tell her the truth, if you absolutely want to leave her. I guess she'll understand. But if you really loves her, you and you girlfriend can plan how to make it most comfortable for you on you're first time. She'll understand that!
  • so what she has had sex, get over it. She could be perfect for you and your ignorance is impeding it. You could lose out on a caring, possible future wife, and its yours to lose due to your insecurities.
  • This is exactly the reason why many girls feel like they have to act like they are sexually innocent if they actually want to get a date. Get a grip on yourself, boy. If you truly liked her, her past would NOT matter. I know how you feel and everything because I wanted to lose my virginity to a virgin, too. At the time I lost it, I THOUGHT that I did. Did I, though? NO :( . Chill out unless you want people to start lying to you like they lied to me!
  • Tell her your too shallow to see past whether or not she's a virgin.
  • Just tell her that you're a virgin, that'll turn her off so much that she'll be the one breaking up with you
  • DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU WANT. Anyone who tells you any differently is a new age fool. If you want your first time to be with a virgin, then DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS, PERIOD.
  • Well, find another virgin, and tell her you want it to be that way. But if you do have feelings for her...you might be missing out on a very good thing. Pasts are pasts.
  • Tell her what you want. Most probably she will kick you out.
  • I think life is going to be difficult for you ...
  • I've always said your partner doesn't need know a lot about your past. I appreciate what you want. However, I don't think it is worth sacrificing true love. I have a feeling you are young and that this isn't true love anyway. So, tell you you want to date other people for now. She won't like it but that's life.
  • Beautiful only physically? Or is she beautiful on the inside too? By judging her for a bad decision she made, you may be losing out too. Maybe you'll find a vigin who turns out to be a horrid b!+@h once you get it. Then what? You gonna stay with her because you took her virginity? Be happy with what you have. I'd bet she regrets giving it up when she did...if this is really that big of a deal for you, do her a favor and just break up. You don't need to give a reason. Just tell her it's not working for you.
  • That's a little prejudiced.
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRYm5YtaCQo
  • You're an idiot. Get your penis into her NOW and report back here when you've done it.
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHjfDZDvPmk
  • just leave the Relationship alone.
  • There are posts here telling you your attitude is wrong & suggesting you take on a new outlook. Based on you're post, I don't think that's possible. Explain to her that you can't handle someone with more sexual experience than yourself & move on.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy