ANSWERS: 100
  • "God bless her, she can't help being ugly, but she could have stayed home." This was uttered by Miss Jan, a stately Arkansas schoolteacher of my acquaintance.
  • Two mutual friends of mine did not like each other. One was extremely short. The taller man would tell the shorter one he was "so short he could smell his own feet!" He would be ready to kill him!
  • The only one I ever came up with on my own was because a girl in high school had called me the ugly C*** word, so this is what I told her: You nasty gash with crusty p*ss flaps! Not exactly very nice, but I think I got my message across.
  • I am a defense attorney. I once asked a prosecutor (one who collects child support) what was the worst thing she'd every been called. Without a pause she responded, "a baby-eating druid."
  • Nobody ever has a comeback for "You frumious bandersnatch!" It's from Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll. Slightly more picturesque would be "Your breath would knock a vulture off a fence post!"
  • From the show Twin Peaks: A local sheriff was struggling to answer a complicated question and the obnoxious FBI agent said "Oh, look! It's trying to think!"
  • "You're a waste of your father's sperm!" Harsh... but I've actually used that one...
  • Hmmm best insult I ever saw/heard was "You should be the official poster child for abortion" - no offence intended here but well,,,we were asked.
  • I heard this one at a comedy club. It was a comic (can't remember who, or I would be happy to credit them) responding to a heckler. He said, "I can't believe out of all the millions of sperm that your father deposited, that you were the fastest" Edit: Okay, I remember...it was Andrew Dice Clay.
  • My biggest insult was around 2 yrs ago. I went to a local convenience store for a few things, and there was a line of maybe 5 people. But one man was standing to the side where the Lottery machine is. He appeared to be half in the bag, but he was quiet. SOOOO I stood and stood, waited and waited, and as I got closer to the cashier, the so called man was ogling me. He was staring me up and down and it made me uncomfortable. It was very rude and noticeable. The man in front of me turned to me and rolled his eyes, so I sort of hid behind him to get out of that pig's view. When we got down to about 3 people that drunk pig said, as he ogled, "WOW look at you, know what I would like to do with you? I would love to ride you hard and long." I snapped. I replied and really yelled "Ok I will give YOU a ride, get in my truck and I will drive you out in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead so lets go asshole." ThenI realized how loud it was and I thought OMG what did I do. The owner came out and kicked him out of the store..LOL
  • "They forgot to give you your shots again this morning didn't they?" The cool thing is, the person it's directed at often doesn't get it, but everyone else usually does.
  • A friend of mine moved away and came back for a weekend. The end of the weekend came round and one of my other friends said "Adam you no what the best thibg bout you is" Adam replied "what" "that your going home today" and then he just walked away like nothing had happened. The funniest dry sense of humour i have ever seen.
  • If someone is saying something particularly idiotic, nonchalantly say: "Were your parents siblings?"
  • A song sung to David Beckham when he played at Manchester United and was dating Victoria. You'll just have to make up your own tune. Does she take it up the ars*? Does she take it up the ars*? Quality football ground humour.
  • Jokingly, my husband used a one liner put down to me (I don't remember it now). So I went over and started tapping him on the head. When he asked what I was doing I just told him I was "tapping some a$$".
  • As a very computer-geeky teenager I was quite amused by, and I may still consider one of the best techno-insults, the line "bit brain" from the movie Tron. For those of you not familiar with a "bit" it is the smallest piece of storable infomation - either off or on, can be interpreted as 1 or 0, true or false. Even the "bit" character in the movie had more capacity - it could be yes, no or neutral.
  • Hey, have y'all got a banjo back in yer double wide?
  • now you are here somewhere there's a village looking for it's idiot
  • I was with some friends, one of them cut himself, and shouted "I'm bleeding!". another of them said "get him a tampon!".
  • "You look like your face caught on fire and somebody beat it out with a chain". One of my personal favorites.
  • Okay, I think this is great: You want to fight me? You can't take me, I bet you like a red-headed step-child! ***I will beat you too, trolls.
  • You....... > > > >Yes you, You are an insult to the pride of man now get lost.
  • My coworker once was joking around and told me "you killed Jesus." I dont know..sounds a little bit much but it got the point across!
  • Hmmm...my best ever burn was a response to a guy crudely propositioning me. "I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater." Think about it. My other favorites are, "Afterbirth from a Bohemian butt-f*cuk," and, "Syphilis infested cumwad."
  • I once heard a friend of mine call a not so nice individual a "Dirt creature". I thought that was pretty raw.
  • I once told a co-worker that he would need atleast three promotions just to make it to idiot.
  • Well my dad always likes to call people imbread cloven footed motherf*ckers...he also likes to tell people to pound salt up their a**es.
  • Servile cur
  • "you deserve to have been shot at birth" ;)
  • whores abortion......... thats sooo bad
  • The one that hurt the most was when a woman at work looked at me and said "You sure like yourself, don't you?" That was 30 years ago, and I won't say it still stings, but I remember it.
  • how about.... you're a waste of human skin.
  • Your God's project gone wrong.
  • "have you had your meds?"
  • You should have been swallowed.
  • Is that it, is that all (referring to penise size).
  • Who do your kids take after more, you or your cousin?
  • You are a twofaced home wreckin whore
  • Ok Ok The best it when you have a perfect answer on ab and some one rates it down . ever happen ?? NAW!
  • If someone says something you dont like, simply reply: "If I wanted lip from you, I would scrape it off my zipper."
  • I can purchase bigger boobs, regrettably you have that tiny brain for life.
  • the best insult ever is not to even bother.
  • your mom not talking about your mom im just saying if u say taht to someone no matter what it pisses them off
  • yo mamma what ever fallows that determins the extent of the beating you will get
  • You/he/she is the afterbirth from a Bohemian butt-f*ck. (My all-time favorite..I think it is the alliteration.)
  • I love jt007m's "Your a waste of your father's sperm," LOL. I also love: "You f*cking need help dude."
  • What you get when you cross a Classical musician and a rapper- YoYo MaMa :0)
  • Whatever. It covers ALL areas. Happens to be my favorite saying. Use it often.
  • I am more likely to give suggestions than to demean someone so I like "Duce-te-ai in pizda ma-tii ca sa-i faci laba lu ala micu cand te fut in cur!". Google that one and don't blame me for the translation you see ;) Since I can't always remember a long Romanian phrase and don't feel the English translation is as effective, I usually fall back on the Arabic gesture that means, "You have five fathers".
  • I once told this whore that slept w/ my ex husband (because apparently people she knew called her "the black hole"-- but she wasn't black-- just a H... "Hey, Black hole! I hear you're a real carnival ride!" He was with her and burst out laughing. she was speechless.
  • I have a few: My dad once looked at my stepmom and said,"arf, arf" [bastard] She looked at him and went, "Oink, oink" ______________________________________ I once said, "Man, my face hurts" Dad [again] said, "I'll BET IT DOES!" [was so funny, I laughed] __________________________________ from "Oh Brother where art thou" movie, "You are dumb as a bag of hammers" _____________________________________ told my abusive ex husband if he ever layed a hand on my son again, I'd put him in prison for so long, he's have a girlfriend named Bubba when he got out. He froze. ____________________________________________________ When your friend is with their dog, you ask if they're twins. _____________________________________ You're with your kids in church, or the store, or an elevator- ANYwhere. You fart, and quietly, lean away from them and look at them, widen your eyes, and [when they are totally unaware] like "WHEEW..." People honestly think a boy did it over his mom. :D ______________________________________________-- click on pics-- if you can't read, go up to VIEW, click on text size, and enlarge....
  • f*$% you AND f*%# anyone who remotely looks like You! ____________________________________ If you were the last man on earth, and I was the last woman....the species would cease to exist. ___________________________________ He's a number 2 (reasons to become a lesbian) __________________________________ She's about five good reasons to go straight (said by a lesbian) or reverse it for a guy...reasons to be gay!
  • "No more B**ch pills for you miss crabby A**" it has a nice ring to it, its fun to say, but also pretty cruel. I like it :D
  • I don't know if either is the best insult ever, but it offended me. My ex-husband's friend was keen on saying: 1. Women are inherently evil 2. Wives and girlfriends are nothing more that grossly overpriced call girls Niiiiiiice
  • you worthless piece of sh*t
  • Your trailer park called.. It's missing it's trash. Why don't you go play a game of swallow the chemicals under the sink?
  • not sure if it's that great but the one i use most to my brother is W*NKFACE.
  • He or she is proof that you can get pregnant from having anal sex.
  • I wish you to become famous -- because they name a disease after you.
  • "somewhere your depriveing a village of an idiot"- or "some random mayor just called- they want their idiot back"
  • How about "you're living proof that even stupid ugly people have sex"?
  • I was in a club once and the DJ was a young guy dressed up in drag. He was stood at the bar when a drunken guy started giving him grief and calling him gay. The young DJ turned round to him and snarled, "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be and more of a woman than you'll ever get."
  • "Yeah? Well your mom still owes my dog f**k-money!" -- I heard some guy say that to a friend he had just had an argument with on the bus. I felt so grossed out cuz I instantly imagined the nasty images of it... urgghh, how NASTY!
  • 1/ You're that ugly you'd frighten a police dog. 2/ If brains were made of wind, you wouldn't have enough to fart.
  • Once my friend told me, "You're such a f*cking whore." So I replied, "At least I get paid." Then my friend John told me, "Sh*t! I owe you tons!" All in good fun, of course.
  • You have a face only a mother can love but unfortunately she hates it too.
  • 7th grade: Idiot: "wow youre fat" (those were literally her words) Me: "i can lose the weight, but youll always be horrendously ugly" Idiot: "horrendous? wow youre so fat that your fat cells traveled to your brain and made up words wow fatty wow hahahaha" Me: ".........." ..needless to say, she and i see eachother on the street and she compliments me on my weight loss from age 12 to 18 (i weighed 190 back then, im 140 now) i just smile and nod. and yeah, she looks like a dog.
  • I got these from a movie, I find them hilarrrrrrious =) GUY1: IS THIS YOURS? GUY2: HUH? GUY1: BOY DON'T ACT AS THOUGH YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME WITH THEM BIG EARS, THEY SO BIG YOU PROBABLY HEARD THE SUN COME UP THIS MORNING. "MIND YOUR BUSINESS CHAINSAW LIPS" (To someone wearing a brace)
  • Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure. I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are. I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent Man alive! But I wish you weren't. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't. He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly. Whatever is eating you - must be suffering horribly.
  • White trash. Wait-no, you're not trash...TRASH GETS PICKED UP! (from "Monster In Law") She's probably had less lovers in her entire life than you had on the last day of Woodstock.
  • At best your a footnote.
  • You are but as dog sh*t on my shoe, a minor irritation, once I have wiped it off in the gutter, all will be forgotten.
  • I've heard your dick is so small that girl fleas laugh
  • When you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.
  • 'to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people'-my brother just before I............................
  • "Light travels faster than sound. Thus I knew you were an idiot before you even opened your mouth." Or maybe "the integral of your mom diverges and her limit does not exist". I once had occasion to use this one: "No, I'm not calling you an idiot. I said any idiot COULD do that." (referring to a simple task)
  • Yo Mama
  • "you look like Richard Simmons!" that would hurt me..
  • "You're such an a** hat." & These were taken from some random site. Don't remember where. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
  • I've got two, sort of 1) Your face looks like a sack of dented bells 2) Well this isn't an insult as such, but it's a fantastic comeback for all overweight people who find themselves the butt of fat-jokes. When I first heard it I almost wanted to binge until I could use it. Arthur: Hey, Bob, how come your so fat? Bob: Because everytime I f*** your wife, she gives me a biscuit! Gold. Pure Gold
  • your the s**t your mama should have swallowed!!!!
  • "Your face reminds me of the sun, it hurts to look." I thought of this the other day so I've taken some pride in it. :) But shakespeare actually has some pretty nice insults too.
  • You look like you were beaten with a broken ugly stick. and I've never seen such a complete waste of human tissue. or Looks like that one fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
  • How did you ever find your way out the birth canal?
  • "She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down" -Luckily not said about me!
  • your mother shouldve drowned you at birth!
  • Not actually my insult, but my friends'. He said to a kid with a lazy eye 'We'll have to put that eye to bed' Classic
  • You're so old, you sat next to King George in third grade!
  • you suck like michael jackson at a cubscout meeting
  • When i was on plane a massive fat man had came in knocking people in his way. When he got to his seat he said to a woman your sitting in my seat and she replied "oh is this one for your other bum cheek"
  • when I found out my b/f of 3 years had been cheating on me with a doorknob at work(u know ever1s had their turn with her) for 2 out of 3 years, I went & bought gay porn & a strap on & copied his writing & made a letter like he was a closet homosexual. Took it to her home along with his bills & back owed child support that she would have to pay along with the letter & told her thank you. I've been wanting to get rid of his a** every since I found out about all of this you done me such a favor but you may want to think about where his mouth has been b4 it touches yours next time. I was so afraid my family was going to find out, you've done me such a favor thank you so much. The look on her face was priceless suddenly she was questioning the choice she had made to leave her hubby for him. I said thats the one good thing about an affair you only know what they want you to know about them. I had already kicked him out of my house she broke up with him because she found out most of what i said was true so the homo part prob was too(though it wasnt) & went back to her hubby. I know it was mean but so was him cheating when he didn't have to. I also got her fired from her job for using company vehicle to meet him on company time.
  • if you were an indian ur name would be land of the setting sun!
  • This Is REALLY HORRIBLE Insult: Your mother will suck cocks even when she is dumped down to hell.
  • This one's really HORRIBLE insult: Your mother will suck cock even when she is dumped down to hell for summoning you!
  • are you on pms or are you always this way?
  • I am waiting for your destiny to happen, you becoming an award winner for the Darwin award. The darwin award, is an award, for dying in the stupidest way (like the man who lit a match, to look inside a gas tank).
  • I say "Remember when I called your boyfriend gay and he wipped me with his purse...Oh yeeah, That was you!" Of course you would say that to a guy.

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