ANSWERS: 54
  • "There are no stupid questions, only stupid people asking questions". Bucky Kat from the comic strip "Get Fuzzy"
  • "To be or not to be? That is the question."
  • Friends are like condoms their always there whenthings get hard
  • A good one is "Life is like photography... you have to use the negatives to develop." A funny one is "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." - George Bush
  • For every philosopher, there is an equal and opposite philosopher. They are both wrong.
  • My favorite involves art. Salvador Dali, had a show of his greatest works at a show in New York City. A women who was a patron of the Arts, and who considered herself an art aficiando, asked,"Senor Dali, could you explain the meaning of your paintings?". Salvador Dali's response was,"Madmoseille, if I could explain it I would not have painted it".
  • I was just reminded of a great Bush quote. "The terrorists will never stop thinking of ways to harm America, and niether will we." (I'm not joking, he realy said that.)
  • He gives double who gives unasked. Arabian proverb
  • George Jean Nathan said, "All one has to do to gather a large crowd in New York is to stand on the curb a few minutes and gaze intently at the sky" John B. Bogart was a famous city editor of the New York Sun "When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news."
  • Kurt Kobain once wisely said its better to burn out than fade away !
  • no one dies a virgin, the world screws us all over
  • We are the only animals who blush - or who need to. -Mark Twain When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. -Mark Twain People who count their chickens before they are hatched, act very wisely, because chickens run about so absurdly that it is impossible to count them accurately. -Oscar Wilde
  • Hunter S. Thompson has the best quotes, here are a few- I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. A word to the wise is infuriating. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. Call on God, but row away from the rocks. Too weird to live, too rare to die.
  • In the days when there was lots of people who watched black and white TVs, a guy who comentated on snooker said quite seriously, 'For those of you watching in black and white, the red ball's next to the blue ball'. That always makes me giggle.
  • Life's a bitch....and then u marry one.
  • I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality. -- George W. Bush
  • Never argue with an idiot. They bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
  • Grafitti on a city wall- "Physchic wanted- You know where to apply"
  • "Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarchastic" - I love that one!! "You'll get glad in the same pants you got mad in" When someone is complaining that they want something, you can simply say, "People in hell want a glass of ice water" :-)
  • Homer Simpson: English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.
  • "Always remember you're unique. Just like everybody else." (source unknown) "If you want to be somebody else, change your mind." (from a song; title and artist unknown) "You'll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A. 'Cause we'll put a boot in your @%$; it's the American way!" -- Toby Keith, "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (The Angry American)" "Gah! You're BOWSER, for crying out loud! Think of SOMETHING!" -- 'Bowser Jr.', "Plumbing: The Ongoing Saga" by Rottweiler, '5: Help Comes from Above' http://gameratheart.nefirms.com/comic/plumb005.htm "Correction. I'll think." -- 'Black Mage', "8-Bit Theater" by Brian Clevinger http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=010305 EDIT (Oct 25)--------------------------------------------------- Okay, people. Enough drive-by ratings. If you want to rate me down for something, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IT IS so I can improve it! I can't do a dang thing with "Not Useful" and "Somewhat Useful" when I don't know what the problem was to begin with!
  • "I am the only person who quotes myself." -Me "I'm going to live forever or die trying." -Anonymous
  • life is like a box of choclates, you don't know what your gonna get. live long and prosper.
  • Here's one from Kenny Rogers. Okay, so it's the whole dang song. Just read it, all right? START QUOTE------------------------------------ Oh, the last ten years, it's been quite a trip. Over thirty-six-hundred spins around without a cosmic slip. But within the realm of our atmosphere, We're 'bout as out of whack as we've ever been in a million years We watched the Y2K scare in a panic. And we watched as time proved Nostrodamus wrong. And we watched as Mother Nature shook the planet. And cellular replaced the telephone. We lost Charlie Brown, Ray Charles, and Johnny Cash. We even lost Superman. Mmm, hmm, mmm. Well, the last ten years, look at the hills we've climbed. The best golfer's black, the best rapper's white, and it's about damn time. But we best beware. There's a brand new fight, you see, And I hate to say we might be our own worst enemy. We watched Oklahoma sifting through the damage. And we watched a U.S. President get caught. We watched shareholders watch their savings vanish. We all cried when we watched those towers fall. We lost Minnie Pearl, Ron Reagan, and Sam I Am. We even lost Superman. Expensive gas and free downloads, The dot-com boom, and reality shows. What's gonna happen next is anybody's guess. Satellite radio and hybrid cars, Hand-held computers and a trip to Mars. It's all become a part of who we are. In the last ten years. In the last ten years. We lost George Harrison, John Paul, and June Carter-Cash. Hell, we even lost Superman. We're gonna miss you, Chris. END QUOTE--------------------------------------
  • Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
  • I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality. -- George W. Bush
  • I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow. -- Billy Connolly
  • I love lamp.. -Brick tamland..anchorman
  • Maybe I'll get to show her my O face O O O O - Office Space
  • "The economy was getting so bad, I had to lay myself off." - Neil Young, 'Old Ways', 1986.
  • Here's a few: "Happiness is alot like peeing in your pants...everyone notices it, but only you feel the warmth." "Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!" "Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest."
  • Burn Sizzle!
  • When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
  • The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.
  • "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." "It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird." "Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it."
  • Here are some by Emo Philips: I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!' How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life. You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
  • "Rich people miss on one of lives greatest thrills: making the *last* car payment"
  • To say of what is that it is not or of what is not that it is, is false, but to say of what is that it is or of what is not that it is not, is true!
  • Too many to pick. George Bush is quite the comedian when talking.
  • I walked the road the road was muddy I stub my toe my toe was bloody. From The book The Stad By Stephan King
  • i like this one by Homer Simpson: Bart, come home, your dinner's getting all cold and eaten!
  • I do not think that word means what you think it means from The Princess Bride and can be used in almost every conversation.
  • "Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." - Mark Twain. Both good and funny though its becoming less amusing by the day.
  • "In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying." -Bertrand Russell
  • When CABARET first came out on Broadway it was called On Camera and the Theatre critic of the NY TOmes Headlined...."Me NO LEICA!"
  • When CABARET first came out on Broadway it was called On Camera and the Theatre critic of the NY Times Headlined...."Me NO LEICA!"
  • God does not play with dices Albert Einstein
  • Never argue with a pig; you both will get dirty but only the pig actually enjoys it!
  • All your base are belong to us. LMAO
  • what the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night? it's champagn thrusday! But, today is friday. Thursday came twice this week. for the 3rd week in a row. There's talks of making it permanent.
  • when refering to a "stupid" person i say "they are as smart as a sack of wet mice"
  • The other day a guy handed me a reciept for a donut. I don't need a reciept for a donut man. I give you the money, you give me the donut. End of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can hardly imagine a scenario where I would have to prove I bought a donut. Some sceptical friend? "Hey man, don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here. Oh, wait, it's at home, in the file. Under 'D' for Donut." - Mitch Hedberg
  • My luck's so bad, if it were raining pussy, I'd get hit with a dick. That thing's on there, tighter than a nun's cunt. Don't let anyone piss in your face and call it sweetmilk.
  • "Life's a bitch, but the sex is great." -Ras Kass "It is perfectly possible to get what you think you want and be miserable. It's possible too, to never get it but deeply enjoy the process of trying. In this world, there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." Some men see things as they are and say 'why'? I dream things that never were and say 'why not'?" People say I've changed, but I'm finally just being myself. Never be afraid to try, remember... Amateurs built the ark Professionals built the Titanic IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW!

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