ANSWERS: 19
  • That is totally up to you. If you want to go to provide support to surviving family members who you may have a good relationship with, that is understandable. Funerals are as much for the survivors (maybe more so) as they are for the deceased. However, if you didn't want to attend that would certainly be understandable as well.
  • It sounds like you harbor anger toward him still. I can see no benefit to you attending, unless it will give you some kind of closure. This is completely your decision. Don't let anyone "guilt" you into acting one way or the other. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you have received some form of incest survivor counseling.
  • Attend if you WANT to attend; I don't think you should feel obligated if you prefer not to.
  • Up to you. Your grandfather certainly can't harm you anymore. And there may be people there you want to see. Or you may want to spit on his corpse or his coffin. Or you maybe his death is closure enough. Up to you.
  • Do what your heart and gut tells you to do. I would also like to say that regardless what he did to you (which was a terrible thing in which in the uture you may need therapy) you should attend because he is family, and you should be supportive to the rest of the family for that. You could attend the services annonomously (sitting in the back of church), Showing up at the cemetary, and even attend the reception after the burial. I again say listen to your heart, if the wounds that were casued 16 years ago are still bleeding, you will know what is right in the end. Good Luck with your decision. peace be with you and may god hold you in the palm of his hand. Let your grandfather rest in peace.
  • I wouldn't. unless you want to go to pee on his grave and tell everyone what he did, even if they already know.
  • Not unless you feel like it.
  • Only if it will give you closer..... otherwise... why bother?? You don't owe the man any respect!! Good luck with your decision!!
  • Only if you feel it will somehow benefit you. If not, then why waste your time?
  • I would not. In many ways a funeral is the process of showing respect and love/friendship to the deceased or support to people who lost a loved one. I think it would be difficult for you and I don't think he deserves to give you any more difficult situations. Good luck with your decision.
  • In my opinion, No. But whatever you want to do...
  • To the degree that this story of your past is valuable to you is equivalently the degree to which it will be difficult for you to enjoy the present. It really matters not whether you attend. This is entirely up to you. Some find the gesture cathartic, some don't. Regardless of your choice, life continues and you'll have to live in your thoughts; why people preach forgiveness may be obvious to you by now or perhaps not. For the record, forgiveness means you've let it go as if it never happened, you see your Grandfather as completely innocent. If you're not ready for this type of release, don't beat yourself up. It merely means the story of the event is still valuable to you. Yet, few understand the cost of that value - the cost is your inner peace. I've seemingly been through many high-drama violations similar to rape yet I haven't any personal interest anymore with the various stories I seemingly used to tell of those experiences - all they did for me was cement, in my mind, a victim like stance and relationship with the world; eventually I tired of that preferring to be genuinely happy.... I use the word "seemingly" because the past never happened (for me)...
  • Wow. How do YOU feel about it?
  • Wow, this question really made me think of how I will handle that, when the time comes, it has been 25 years since it happened, and I am confused on what I would do. One part would want to make sure the monster is dead. The other part, tells me, he isnt worth my time or concern and I really dont want to hear people saying good things about him, it would feel like a slap in my face.
  • If you still harbor negative feelings, there's no need to do anything to cause all that pain from over a decade ago to resurface. Funerals are an opportunity for the living to say good-bye. If you have no need or desire to say GoodBye, then don't feel obligated to go. I'm willing to bet that you feel no genuine loss in his passing due to your history with him. Thus, I would assume no personal closure is needed with him in a way that would be BENEFICIAL? If that's true, that you wouldn't get anything emotionally BENEFICIAL out of it, then don't go.
  • Depends on how you feel about it. As for me, I probably wouldn't. But this is your choice and what is in your heart.
  • hell no!!!!!! he raped u, that sin is worse than killing omeone.
  • That's a decision only you can make. Follow your heart.
  • Wow. Well, if there was no "special situation", I would say go, but because of that situation, I think you have a choice. It's really what you want to do. You should NOT feel obliged to go, nor should anyone "force" you to go. (Well, I'm a little late, eh?)

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