ANSWERS: 69
  • Its old fashioned, but sort of nice, I'd do it :-)
  • Its what im gonna do when I propose.
  • Old fashioned AND the right thing to do. they're being gentlemen.
  • It's old-fashioned and given certain cultures it's the right thing to do. It's also nerve-wracking. My girlfriend was from a different culture. I went to her brother and asked him if I should ask their dad for his permission. He said yes, so I did. I was so scared I was almost ill. My problem was if he didn't give me his blessing, I was going to honor that regardless of how I felt about her. Luckily, he blessed the union and welcomed me to the family. I married her in 2000 and we've got two fantastic little knee-biters.
  • It's both. It shows respect for the family and also that the guy values her and wants to honor her value by 'asking' for that permission, that she will be leaving their family and joining his. My husband did it,just before we got 'really' engaged. We had exchanged friendship rungs the year before, mainly because I was only 16 at the time. But when I turned 17 and graduated high school, he felt it was the respectful thing to do, to let my father know his honorable intentions, especially because I was young. He did talk about it with my mom first, though:-)
  • It really depends on how well you get along with her parents and even how well SHE gets along with her parents. I wouldn't necessarily ask permission, but at least express my intent in doing so.
  • The right thing to do. Just make sure that her dad would not tell her before you propose, or the element of surprise would be gone =)
  • I think its the rigth thing to do. It's a sweet gesture.
  • It should be the girl's choice, not the father's. Show her the respect and ask her first.
  • Old fashion: yes the right thing to do: yes Somethings that are old are not necessarily wrong.
  • old fashioned, is kinda nice tho to go to that much thought, my bf would have a job though as my dad is dead. its not really necessary it just depends how old fashioned or how much of a traditionalist you are. personally i wouldnt want my bf to ask my mum for permission to marry me,in replacement for my dad, as its my life il marry who i want. but i think thats because she has dictated so much of my life
  • i would say its both. it is old fashion but its still the right thing to do.
  • I think it is very old fashioned and women do not need their father's opinion before they marry someone, but if your girlfriend has a good relationship with her father and you think that her father would approve, then go ahead. Oh and think about if she'd be happy about her father knowing before her because if she wouldn't then that would be bad...
  • It's old fashion, but all dads welcome that and appreciate the fact that you respect them enough to ask for their daughters.
  • its older. but i'd have to say i think dad's would relaly appreciate that the man rescepts him enough to consider his feelings toward it.
  • Old fashioned... and kinda rude. She is not her fathers property.
  • Best to go ahead and ask. Ask the girl either way, but it shows respect. will have better relationship with the in laws!
  • What if he doesnt agree with you getting married to his daughter, what will you then? Leave her or ignore what he said and marry her?
  • I would want someone to ask me if they wanted to marry my daughter. If he passes my muster, my daughter will be better off for it.
  • It is the right thing to do. I did it. I ended up not marrying the girl. I was asked by my wife's mother when we were planning on a wedding and she felt it was time. We agreed and began to plan the wedding. I didn't get a chance to ask my wife's dad because her mom beat me to it.
  • yes it is old fashioned ...and the RIGHT thing to do !:)
  • I definitely hope that my future finance doesn't do that... or NOT finance when he gets done talking to my dad. But most women and their father's would probably appreciate it and think its 'sweet'. Just as long as she has a good relationship with her dad though.
  • I think its a little of both, but also maybe the right thing to do and whether he accepts you or not ask your fair Lady after the fact.
  • I agree with both. It all depends on the family. If the girlfriend is very close to her family then of course. If they stay a little distant then i think it is pretty pointless
  • Its old, but it is the right thing to do!
  • They should ask both mom and dad not just dad. But it is still prevalent in patriarchal families, usually religious ones. With everything going to pot, some traditions are worth keeping to make life more beautiful.
  • Absolutely charming and a very good way to win Dad's good will!
  • My ex bribed my dad with a rack of ribs the night of the rehersal dinner. Does that count. Hmmmm there must be a reason hes my ex. :)
  • It is something that is respectable, shows chivalry, and mature. It shows a concern of more than just her opinion, but rather a concern of her opinion and those closest to her. It also is a sort of peace offering, a way of saying 'I want this to work, not just with her, but those she love's also'. I would say that it is something worth doing, even if they hate you. You might be surprised with the answer. And if they say 'no'... Well, fuck em'
  • both and even if he says no, id run away with her =D.
  • To me it depends on how long you have been dateing and the dad. My dads a total idiot and we havent talked for 4 years now. Im not waiting around for my fiance to ask my dad when I dont care what he says.
  • Definitely the right thing to do - it's tradition, and i believe the father should be asked before proposing, and it's out of respect also..
  • It depends on the girlfriend and her father's relationship. If they have a traditional, healthy relationship then you may want to lean towards a convo with pops, for respect and tradition. If they are new school, yet close, then its 50/50. If she really doesnt like him or has a strained relationship, who cares. How is she with her mom, if mom is a main influence in her life, ask her what she thinks about marriage and whether its necessary to contact Dad.
  • Good, great. Congratulations because old fashion as it might be, it really is the right thing to do. That's what I did, I talked to her grandfather: the gentleman in charge.
  • I think I would think it was very cool... if I had a daughter.
  • so old fashioned.
  • The father would just have to accept it. HE doesn't have to crawl into bed with you.
  • I think it's a great idea even if it is old fashioned. It shows that you care about her family and their opinions and it shows them that you are respectful. When my boyfriend proposes I hope he asks my dad, it's very important to me.
  • I think it's a really sweet idea, but ultimately it's not wrong or right. Just depends on the type of family the girl has, and the type of girl the girl is! some girls don't like to think that they are "owned" by their fathers or anyone else, some girls think its sweet and then some families just aren't that great at expressing themselves. my dad would've felt so awkward if my husband had of done that!
  • Both, it's old fashioned and it's the right thing to do...yet it all depends
  • I think its the respectful thing to do..
  • both, old fashioned and the right thing to do.
  • It is old fashioned, but it's always a good idea to show your future father-in-law some respect and this is a great way to do it. It's a feel good thing.
  • My Dad loved being asked. However, when my brother-in-law asked Dad (although he was chuffed about it) turned round and said "I tell you what, I'll give you £10 to take her off my hands!" It has been a long running joke in the family that Dad actually handed over the £10 at the wedding reception when making his speech. Dad and my bro-in-law have a great relationship as a result.
  • For what its worth, I did. Her dad offered me some 12 yo single malt and was amused more than anything else, as I recall. But it was one of those "golden rule"-type of situations; I tried to imagine how I would feel if she was *my* daughter.
  • It's called "Respect", something they don't Teach in our Liberal School Systems Today!!! Why should it "Take a Village to Raise a Child" when God gave Us Parents Ms. Clinton???" If Ur "Man" is "Sincere", GRAB HIM!!! Here is some Reading that U may Also Benefit from. Enjoy! John DOCTRINE OF RIGHT MAN AND RIGHT WOMAN A. The right woman is the oldest and one of many grace gifts to man. 1. There are three prominent grace gifts from Christ to man delineated in Scripture, and these are the order in which they occur in the human race: a. Right woman, He built her, Prov 18:22, 19:13-14. b. Salvation, He did it. c. Doctrine, He thought it, 1 Cor 2:16. 2. In all of human history, right woman is the oldest human gift, for Christ brought the woman to the man, Gen 2:18. 3. The fall of man did not change their relationship. B. Attacks on the gift of right man/right woman. 1. Reversionism, especially phallic reversionism is an attack on the concept of right man/right woman. 2. Life in the cosmic system is an attack on right man/right woman. 3. All mental attitude sins attack right man/right woman, SOS 8:6, 8; Prov 27:4, 6:34. 4. Negative volition to doctrine is an attack on right man/right woman, Jer 15:8-9, 15-21, 16:1-2, 17:9-11, 12:7-9. Negative volition to doctrine destroys right man/right woman relationship. 5. Scripture: Prov 5, 6:20-32; 1 Cor 11:3-16; Jer 31:22; Eccel 7:26-29. 6. No disaster, pressure, or unfaithful act, can destroy personal love between a right man and a right woman. 7. The greatest attack on right man/right woman comes from the soul: scar tissue of the soul, emotional revolt of the soul, and reversionism. These attacks are accompanied by fornication and promiscuity. C. Perversions of Right Man/Right Woman. 1. Auto-erotism, masturbation, or self-response to self. 2. Homosexuality or lesbianism, Lev 18:22; Rom 1:26-27. 3. Bestiality, Lev 18:23. 4. Fornication, Ex 20:14; Prov 5:20, 6:32. D. Analogies of Right Man/Right Woman. 1. Right man/right woman is used to teach many types of doctrine since it is one of the most common relationships to the human race. 2. The Lord and Israel, Jer 2, 3, 13; Ezek 16, 23. 3. The Lord and the Church, Eph 5:26-33. 4. Operation Z, James 1:19-22. 5. Christ, the shepherd and bishop of the believer's soul, 1 Pet 2:25 cf 1 Pet 3:1. 6. The mature believer is the glory of God, 1 Cor 11:7. E. Right Man/Right Woman Related to the Laws of Divine Establishment. 1. Monogamy is designed to remind the human race that there is only one right man for one right woman and visa versa, 1 Cor 7:2-4. 2. Under these laws marriage becomes the second divine institution. 3. Marriage is still the protection of romantic love, Heb 13:4; 1 Cor 7:9; 1 Tim 5:14; Rom 7:2-3; Gen 2:24-25; Eph 5:22, 25, 28, 31, 33. 4. Marriage forms the basis for stability in society, and rejects the theory and practice of anarchy, promiscuity, and communal living. 5. Marriage is also protected by the third divine institution, family, where parents have the responsibility of training their children. 6. The husband is the authority in the marriage, Eph 5:22. 7. God protects the woman from tyranny by the training of the little boy by his mother. His mother teaches the man respect for womanhood, and keeps him from becoming an animal. Prov 31:1-2. 8. Once the couple is married, the doctrine of right man/right woman no longer applies. Now it is a matter of honor, integrity, and impersonal love which must provide the power for the marriage to work. F. The Man and Woman's Relationship at the Fall. 1. After the Fall, God confirms the fact that the man's authority is not changed, even though he responded to the woman, Eph 3:16b, 5:22. 2. In Gen 3:6 we see the reversal of the roles of the man and woman in the Fall. 3. Until the Fall, sex had been a total pleasure and an experience of perfect happiness. After the Fall, a secondary role is added: it is the means of perpetuating the human race. Without children they had only themselves to consider. But with children a second authority develops of parents over children, and this develops problems and complications in the right man/right woman relationship. 4. Therefore, the woman bears the children, Gen 3:15, and through her comes Jesus Christ, Gen 3:16. G. The Recognition of Right Man/Right Woman. 1. Personal love is recognized by both parties. 2. Right man can always tell the mood of his right woman by her voice. The right man's soul will have a total understanding of the right woman's soul, emotions, moods, etc. 3. The right woman may love or hate her right man, but she cannot stop thinking about him. Right man/right woman can never be just friends. 4. You won't be adjusted to people until you find right man/right woman. 5. Every time right man is with right woman, it is a blessing to him. 6. The man cannot work to get his right woman; it is a grace gift from God. God always brings the right woman to the right man. Grace takes up the slack before you find right woman. Doctrine is your right woman until God leads her to you. You don't need to date others while waiting. 7. If a woman doesn't recognize God's authority, she will never recognize her right man's authority. Long hair on a woman is a sign of the right man's authority over her. Wearing long hair is a sign that a woman is waiting for her right man. 8. Your right woman will not react to you. Bitchiness in a woman is an indication of the wrong woman. 9. A wrong woman is always dressing to show off what she has physically. 10. With the right woman there is a period of waiting, resisting temptation, and a period of doubt before God brings the right woman to the right man. H. Right Man/Right Woman and the Soul Climax, 1 Cor 7:8-9. 1. When you find your right woman, physical compatibility is no problem; the difficulty is recognition in the soul. a. Right man/right woman are not ashamed or disappointed in each other physically. The right woman fits the right man perfectly in sex. The right woman's body is the most magnificent thing to the right man. b. You cannot make a woman your right woman by having sex with her. c. Right woman is a storm of passion when the right man makes love to her. When the right man makes love to his right woman, he satisfies her soul as well as her body. This gives her insatiability. The right man sees his right woman as personifying symmetry and beauty. d. Jesus Christ is the giver of sex as the total concept of happiness with one's right woman. e. Before your right woman comes along, you must have an affair with Bible doctrine by taking in doctrine every day until it becomes the love of your life. 2. When the right woman comes along, both will have a soul climax. a. Sexual burning is not a soul climax. This is an indication of wrong woman. Fornication excludes the soul, and therefore always produces wrong man/wrong woman. Shopping around is human viewpoint. b. The soul climax is the divine design of recognition of your right man or right woman. "Burning" has nothing to do with libido. It refers to when two souls have climaxed and are not yet able to make love because the two people are not yet married. No sex can compare with the sex between right man and right woman. c. Therefore, it is better to marry than to burn in personal love for right man or right woman after you have made the soul identification. The right man or right woman can make identification without touching. c. The right woman always emphasizes the soul of her right man when they first know each other. She is looking for his precious soul. The right man is the most precious thing to the right woman, but she emphasizes his soul and hunts for that soul. d. To recognize his right woman, the right man needs only to have the soul climax; no physical contact is necessary. There is no need for heavy necking before getting married. Heavy necking knocks out the ability of the right woman to recognize her right man via a soul climax. e. The soul climax is being out from soul control, because someone else so stimulates your soul. This is the only person who pulls you away from your own self-consciousness into being more aware of them than yourself. You become more thoughtful of them, interested in them, and more concerned and involved with them than yourself. f. A super-rapport develops where the two people cannot wait to share what has happened while they were apart. They enjoy conversation, and even their silence has super-rapport. g. Sex before marriage destroys your capacity to have a soul climax, Prov 6:32. Abstaining from fornication protects the soul, so that it can have a soul climax and the fantastic happiness Christ wants every member of the human race to have. God isn't trying to keep you from having fun, but from missing out on greater fun than Satan and his cosmic system can provide. h. Mentally this person becomes your frame of reference for everything. All memories are related to this person. Over a period of time your norms and standards change so that this person is the honorable one, while other people are insignificant. In your viewpoint, everything in life is related to that right man or right woman. From your volition, you adjust your life with pleasure to please your right partner. You dress to please them and omit things in life to please them. Your emotion has a fantastic response to them. i. If you are in emotional revolt of the soul, you cannot have a soul climax. j. The soul climax is that soul identification in every compartment of the essence of the soul, which stimulates total soul concentration on a member of the opposite sex. It is involuntary total soul concentration. k. Total involvement of the soul essence means that the climax of the soul as an identifier will cover every area of the soul except the old sin nature. l. The right man fulfills her norms and standards, principles, categories, provides soul stimulation, and gives reality to her romantic dreams. 3. The soul climax is the divine design for recognition of your right man or right woman. I. Identification of the Right Woman, Prov 31:10-31. 1. Verse 10 says that your right woman will have certain things for you that she doesn't have for anyone else. The man must recognize her first and be aggressive to her. The man makes the identification first. 2. In verse 11, the right woman becomes a home to the right man. The heart of the man is at home with the right woman's soul. The right woman regards the right man as her lord. The right man's right lobe has confidence in her. This is called love-security of the soul. The right woman won't flirt, tease, or think about some other guy. She is totally occupied with him when he is absent. 3. In verse 12, the right woman will do good to the right man, show him good, and cause him good. 4. In verse 13, the right woman makes decisions to please her right man. The right woman dresses only to please her right man. Her soul is so occupied with him that she is motivated to always appear in clothing he appreciates. She searches diligently to find clothes to impress him. She works with pleasure because it is for her right man. 5. Verse 14 says that she goes to extra effort to find things for her right man to please him, like his favorite food. 6. Verse 15 says that her mental attitude determines how things go around the house. The right woman places love for her right man above her own comfort and personal wants. 7. Verse 16 says that she pleases her right man in business, e.g., she is an aggressive business woman. 8. In verse 17, her soul and body are at his disposal. She responds to only her right man sexually, and anything goes. She encourages him with her arms. 9. In verse 18, anything she does related to her right man always tastes good to her. He always tastes good to her. She is stimulated by him and in a state of perfect human happiness. 10. In verse 19, her hands are occupied with those things which bless him. She gives him no cause for concern. She doesn't play games (cheat on him), nor is she vindictive and seek revenge against him. 11. Verse 20 says that because her soul is full of grace happiness from her right man, she extends grace to others. 12. Verse 21 says that the right woman anticipates certain kinds of disaster and heads them off. She prepares for disaster before it arrives and makes provision. Her instincts of love keep her concentrating on her right man. She no longer depends on parties, outside friends, and fun. She doesn't try to hurt her right man who is so vulnerable to her social or mental unfaithfulness. 13. In verse 22, the right woman makes herself beautiful around the house because her right man is there. 14. Verse 23 says that she is not a nag. The right woman makes it possible for the right man to concentrate on work and be away from home without worrying about her. She compliments and implements, but never competes with her right man. She turns him on, but never puts him down. She seduces him, but never belittles him. 15. In verse 24, the right woman supports her right man with fanatical loyalty and love. 16. Verse 25 says that the right woman is the glory of her right man and wears her glory in her soul, which includes having a sense of humor. She has beauty of soul. She is totally relaxed, giving her the ability to laugh at housework, office work, or whatever she must do. 17. In verse 26, when she speaks, the right man is thrilled because wisdom comes out of her mouth. Divine viewpoint and Bible doctrine is the basis of her conversation. She refrains from verbal sins. 18. In verse 27, she is alert in her soul and not idle. 19. Verse 28 says that her sons remember her with happiness. 20. In verse 29, she waits for her right man by taking in doctrine. For the right man only one woman surpasses all others: his right woman. 21. Verse 30 says that you should not use physical beauty to determine your right woman. Beauty is deceitful. Identification is made in the soul. When you get turned on by some woman's looks, then you missed your identification. She is not your right woman. Beauty, sex appeal, and a great body, is not the basis for recognition of the right woman. Once identification is made in the soul, you will find she has the most beautiful body. The woman occupied with Christ will receive praise from her right man. 22. In verse 31, the responsive right woman becomes aggressive with her hands and lips. No wrong woman can compare. You don't have to prove anything in public to others that you are right man/right woman; touching is private. J. The Responsiveness of the Right Woman. 1. When a woman is a true responder, she initiates her response from her own free will. Right man/right woman have true communication. 2. A woman in response is aggressive. She doesn't stand around and wait for the right man to be aggressive. He doesn't have to be the aggressor on every occasion. 3. The right woman can respond to an aggressive act the right man committed a year before. She is designed for compliments, recognition, and individual attention. K. The Submission of the Right Woman. 1. If a woman is in love, she is happy to surrender her volition to the man and he will care for it. Without mental rapport, there is bad sex life. If the woman doesn't give her soul, she is cheating her man. 2. Submission of the right woman is not slavery but fulfillment. Grace inner beauty in the woman is something which the wrong man sees which he cannot fulfill. A right woman may even change friends to please her right man. The right woman's norms and standards will become one with her right man's. One person's sins don't cause sins by the other person; the same is true for human good. 3. The man should never demand anything from a woman, because he won't get anything anyway. The man cannot demand volitional response or appreciation. 4. The right woman is never shocked by the good or bad points of her right man. Her right man is a point of doctrine. Because Bible doctrine is in her soul and he is a point of doctrine, he is always in her soul, and therefore she will always be faithful. 5. A woman goes quickly from objectivity to subjectivity because she is a responder. 6. The right man will always give her something to which to respond. She saves those things in her memory so that she can respond to them again. 7. The right man, positive to doctrine, will lead in spiritual things. 8. A woman has no security in life except the security of her right man. When a man comes along and is faithful to her and no one else, and she knows it, then that person has her attention forever. 9. When you keep a promise to a woman, it impresses her. She responds. A woman who is a responder to too many things in life also makes herself a reactor to many things in life. The more you respond, the more you react. 
  • The intention behind such a situation is to let your girl know you are perfectly aware she is not just any woman but a lady who will be respected and cared for. By asking your future in laws you are saying what I have mentioned and assuring them you are a gentleman who will look after her and this action will bring you closer to them. Good old ways are always very safe and respectful. Regards.
  • I would say it's definetly the right thing to do. It shows the father that you have respect for him and his daughter. It also shows that he would be proud to have you in their family and that he gives you his blessing on the marriage. Guys, you should really do this. You can't imagine how much better it makes the father feel. :)
  • very right
  • Its the right thing!
  • It's the right thing to do.
  • Old fashioned, but still the right thing to do... Mostly, because I think its really sweet and romantic!!! Chuck Wicks "Stealin' Cinderella" http://youtube.com/watch?v=HtOy8R01fTA
  • It's a smart move: "Any problems? Let's sort them out now!"
  • I think it's the right thing to do, you are honnoring the family (you marry all of them right?) by asking the head of household to his daughters hand. UNLESS... she is not close to her father. My husband asked my mom's dad (my grandfather), since my relationship with my father is weak. That was special, because three months later (while planning the wedding) my grandfather had a stroke, he couldn't walk me down the idle (was in a hospital bed, but was still there) so the fact we had his blessing was all that counted.
  • It's both.
  • I think asking the girls parents is the right thing to do. But for many it probably does not matter. I would say most girls would want the guy to ask her parents permission
  • One word: BOTH
  • it is a wonderful thing to do !
  • it's a sign of respect to your future (hopefully) in-laws. I asked my father-in-law before i proposed, but after my wife and i had initially talked about the idea. He said that he was honoured to be asked for his blessing, but ultimately it was his daughter who had the final word. So if you get along well with him, there's nothing wrong with asking.
  • When I was taking a friend to her prom, he father wanted to meet me. When he did, he explained to me how he was his daughter's covering [protection], and took that role very seriously. Then after talking to me, he told me that he would give his responsibility to me for the night. If I were asking for his daughter's hand in marriage, he'd be releasing it for the rest of life. That little speech he gave me made me realize how much he trusted and respected my character. I think it's awesome if my future wife's father felt that way about me. So is it old fashioned? Yes. Is it the right and honorable thing to do? Yes. A man's daughter is probably his greatest treasure, and for him to give her away is a huge thing to do.
  • i think it is too old fashioned..my fiance didn't ask my dad for his permission and everything turned out fine
  • My dad expected it and got it :) I think it definately is a sign of respect :P
  • It's old-fashioned and the right thing to do. My son-in-law asked me, and I really appreciated the gesture. Moreso now than ever, the parents may have to deal with the fallout of a relationship gone bad, so letting them have their say beforehand is a good and wise thing.
  • I would not like for my fiancee to have asked my father. That's a lil too old fashion for me. I'm young and nowadays it's like..."Do what you want". In those days girls stayed with the parents until being given away to a "good man" so of course you'd have to ask THE FATHER WOULD GIVE HER AWAY AT THE MARRIAGE. How often does that happen now? And a lot of people grow up without a father now. So the question is would you ask her mother for permission? But that's just my opinion.
  • my hubby asked the traditional way of asking my parents first. I think its more respectful and more sweet than ever.
  • It is the right thing to do, and very romantic. Especially if the girl is close to her father and values his opinion of her future groom. I would also ask for the opinion of his family about me.
  • it is the right thing to do
  • I feel that it is old fashined and out of date. I did not ask my wife's father if I could marry her. She is her own person, and not his property.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy