ANSWERS: 56
  • Growing up I saw my baby brothers get beat, It affected me by making me a little over protective with my own children, I didn't allow anyone to disipline them,(no-one was allowed to spank them) not even their father. If(when) my kids did something wrong,I was the only one allowed to talk to them or ground them etc. I know it was probably wrong to be that way, but it worked out okay. It didn't effect me in the way I let them run wild. they all turned out to be wonderful kids.(I am thankful for this because of my problem seeing the abuse and being so against any help with raising them)
  • After five years of living with my father, I thought I was fine. Kids always pick fights in school, right? No reason needed, just throw down. Of course, you fight to win. And if that means you have to fight dirty, then so be it. Revenge and retribution are not bad things. Even better if they never see it coming. Wound up smashing a kids head open with a door after he pissed me off at recess. While I have become less violent in my adulthood, those feelings and urges are still there when I am even slightly annoyed. In recognition of that fact, I strive VERY hard to take things in stride, to not let things get to me and to keep my anxiety levels as low as possible lest I lash out. Of course than causes tension...
  • I can't trust anyone so I mess up all my relationships
  • Yes :)
  • I am insecure,scared to be in certain situations,afraid of everything.Even though I have stopped the cycle I am still mentally scarred and will never be "normal" in that I have to carry it with me always. Life is good for me now but those memories will never go away and the abuser's life goes on as if nothing had ever happened.
  • I was abused so much as a child.. I used to vanish inside my mind all the time.. and not subject myself to it.. which as a child is a good thing.. but what happens around the age of 40 is that protection breaks down, and you end up experiencing it all over again.. only as an adult.. At first it really messed me up.. under extreme stress it was hard for me to know if it was happening now or in the past.. I tried to confront my abuser who was also my sister about it.. ( btw she has been telling me for years she was sorry she ever did it.. but at that time I had no idea what she was talking about) she in turn lied about it, and claimed to the rest of my family that I was nuts and crazy.. and that she never did anything to me.. so .. while I was trying to clear the air and forgive her.. she turned on me and alienated me from my whole family.. how can I forgive her.. I cant..
  • growing up i got beat alot to think of it i dont think ive ever gone 3 days without getting in a fight but because of that i am strong i got a will of iron and mucles to protect me and my loved ones. i recently went back to place i was raised and i got into sum fights with the ones who beatme be for but now when i go there i get there respect so i think some abuse is good long as they learn and chose the right way.
  • I have very little self esteem, am appalling at trusting my own judgment, because i was never allowed to have one as a kid. I was ignored and told i was deficient and stupid. I have severe codependency issues now with anyone who shows me the slightest bit of affection and when i'm being mentally abused, i don't trust myself to believe i'm right. This has had dire consequences for me. Because i chose to remain socially isolated for nearly 25yrs, out of fear of rejection, i have severe deficiencies with my social skills and continually manage to destroy good friendships. Currently i am in therapy four days a week to overcome my problems and have detached from people so that i don't negatively impact those i care most about anymore. And all this because i believed everything my father said to me (which wasn't pretty). Sometimes i don't think i'll ever get through this.
  • i cant trust people and i seem to isolate myself, i stay at home alot and as a result of this i dont really have many friends, which makes me feel sad and lonely sometimes. i cant talk about how i feel either, ive always kepth things to myself and especially after confiding to my mum i was a self harmer, she told me i was being a drama queen and pathetic. my dads suicide attempts fueled my self harming and it became a regular thing. its become very hard to break this habit, as well as finding the confidence to go out and socialise and so on, to try and get myself out of the loop. i tend to get hurt too easy and im paranoid that im always doing things wrong and what people will think of me if i do something wrong. i guess theres alot deep down that still bothers me and its hard to cast these feelings aside it seems when you really know no better
  • I was abuse as a child my mom and dad took every thing that went wrong out on me it came to the point that when they hit me I didn't care any more ,When i had kids i made a promies that i will never hit my kids and i have kept that promies till this day all my kids are teen age now they are good kids.
  • The physical not at all. It made me a stronger person and more determined not to repeat the cycle with my son. The mental is a different story. That was solely inflicted on me by my dad. It's made me feel like I am worthless and unworthy of being loved at times. I have a extremely poor self image. I feel like a failure at times. I have been trying to overcome alot of that but it isn't ewasy.
  • The physical not at all. It made me a stronger person and more determined not to repeat the cycle with my son. The mental is a different story. That was solely inflicted on me by my dad. It's made me feel like I am worthless and unworthy of being loved at times. I have a extremely poor self image. I feel like a failure at times. I have been trying to overcome alot of that but it isn't ewasy.
  • In so many ways I dont believe one answer can cover. I am very mistrusting, assume the worst in people, rarely give the benefit of the doubt, and never give second chances. When somebody is able to break through all of that either a friend or a lover I become terrified of their dissaproval. I'm constantly trying to make people happy. I have trouble expressing emotions, difficult emotions, which causes me to either blow up or horrible anxiety. I am aware of all of this and I'm sure its something I'll deal with my whole life; as time goes on its becoming more manageable and I'm working on realizing when my fears are sabotaging my life. On the good side, I'm very empathetic and try to avoid hurting people at all costs. I'm very careful not to 'unintentionaly' hurt someone. I also am fearless when it comes to protecting a child.
  • I don't trust anyone.
  • In every possible way. Drug/addiction, risk-taking behaviour, abusive relationships, mentally confused, negative self image, concept, esteem, view of the world, dishonesty, self-harm, eating disorder, close-mindedness, lack of trust for self and others, inadequate parent, and then i recovered! I have become who i truly am, without all the negativity. I accept myself as i am, weakness and strength, what i like and don't like, stronger boundaries blah blah blah!
  • Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Social Phobias, Low self esteem. Trust issues, disfuntional, Very afraid to stand on my own two feet. Feelings as if everyone in my life looks down on me. I have moments where I stay home and lock myself in avoid phone calls don't clean walk in circles can't motivate then mentally abuse myself over and over. How can I end the cycle while I love my family to no end it is hard to love myself. My husband has the same issues but won't admit to it...He has taken us through hell and back and I am still suffering from the past. I do have moments when I snap out of it and work hard to focus and get somewhere but then I end up in the same RUT and can't find a way out......... Today I am in the RUT......sniffle....sorry....i am rambling now....
  • You have a hard time forming social relationships. You become afraid to leave, to hold a job, to spend money, to go out on the weekends, to go on dates... It's hard to start conversations, you feel like nothing you can say is important or interesting. If you do manage to gain a romantic relationship, you are so starved for attention and affection, it is very possible to "choke them out" Holidays and birthdays are difficult. You don't have any good childhood memories, so as an adult you are so obsessed with "making up for them" that you can't enjoy the holiday for what it is. It's a trial, it really is... but it does teach you exactly what NOT to do to your own family. At least that's something positive.
  • The abuse that I suffered at the hands of my mother actually made me who I am! It has made me an awesome mother, a caring wife, an overachiever and a person that is in the process of making a career for myself counseling abused women and children. The abuse is always there, in the back of our minds. It may haunt a few for the rest of their lives? I think the sad part is when the child of an abusive parent grows up to abuse their own children! As parents we must stop the cycle of abuse!
  • I tend to cower when it comes to yelling, or if someone sneaks up behind me i start swinging, i also was in a few abusive relationships and thought it was normal due to my childhood..
  • I was involved with a man who was physically, mentally and emotionally abused as a child. His parents were both alcoholics. He grew up to be an alcoholic and beat his ex-wife but never hurt his children in any way. To this day he is an abusive person in every way. He used to always say he was FFB - fucked from birth. Born an alcoholic. Well I feel sorry to a certain point, but you can overcome this and rise to be a better person. Your life is what you make it. You cannot blame your past on your own behavior. I tried and tried and tried to get him to go to AA and to get physcological help. He refused and I gave up.
  • ive felt for years that i was not worth anything, i felt all alone and nobody understood. when i got into relationships i assumed they didnt like me and pushed people away refusing to tell people how i felt! i met a guy that for the 1st time didnt ask about my cuts and scars and just got to know me, the real me in time i learned to open up about how i felt we have now broken up but i havent self harmed for years im now with a wonderful man who i trust completley and knows all about my childhood. i always thought my parents never loved me and recently my dad admitted he does not love me and he hasnt for a long time which nearly dissolved all mt new confidence and esteem but my fiance pulled me through and i am over it if he does not love me he is not worth it! i know i will never ever harm my children when i have them and hug them lots and always say i love you!
  • http://iquestions.com/video/view/786 This is another look at the subject.
  • I can't trust..I crawl inside and hide..I push people away and built walls because it's the only way I feel safe.
  • i constantly abuse my partner i cant trust anyone i have no hope no fait i got involved with the wrong crowd and spent 3 years tracking and bashing people i confide in my self and dont let out emotions and have tried suicide so many times its fucked up
  • the abuse i had as a child effected me in lots of different ways. I have low self esteem issues, i stutter at times, i isolate myself from others at times when i need friends the most, and i feel unworthy of good treatment. I know that sounds weird but i always have that in the back of my mind. My relationships with men are bad becasue i always seem to attract the abusive type!! When i was younger i always had suicidal thoughts and wanted to die. I cut myself at times, and stopped takng care of myself and going to school. Ive changed those things since then im curently back in school, but it still effects me when it comes to self esteem. ANd due to the sexual abuse im always never trusting of any man...especially with a beird. Even the pastor of my church i absolutly hated becasue he had a beird and had the same accent as the man who abused me. all i know is the mental and sexual abuse i had has impacted me aot but im working throug things. there are still lots of deep wounds but im trying to get on with my life and not dwell on it even though it seems to stay with me forever.
  • The first years of my life I allowed the abuse to assume me but then God. I went to a Pentecostal church and my life has been forever changed. For the pure love of our Lord has allowed me to take my abuse and use it for good. Yes, that's right for good. It built things in me I never knew was there. Jesus removed the scares and replaced it with His love. A Love that has forever changed my heart and made me a brand new creation in Him. Want to know the best part? I was able to forgive and LOVE those who hurt me. Now that's healing done right!!
  • Yes -- I don't even know all of it, but I know something more must have happened than what I've found out... I have a LOT of trouble with relationships, because I tend to be paranoid that the other person will leave me or that they are mad at me and I'm ruining their life. I misperceive peoples' intentions and actions as negative ones, and have difficulty saying no. I have horrible self esteem and I feel like I'm a bad and ugly person, and deserve all the things that have happened to me. I also tend to automatically dissociate at the slightest stress. And that's nto even all of it...
  • I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mother was 100% submissive to my out of control. hot headed, evil father. My mother who along with being submissive to him was also an evil woman. My mother would sacrifice my sister and I in order to place the beatings on us as opposed to her. (what a mother) (not)! I was a mistake, as my mother described. I was a constant reminder of what they didn't plan or wanted. The rules were and are always different for me. The beatings and believe it or not the mental torment and the mental anguish was beyond sick. This has made me a very un-trusting person who is full of fear and resentment. Today both of them would be in jail for abuse and I would be removed from that miserable environment. All of this in an upper middle class home with all the :"Appearances" of the American dream. Yeah it was far from a dream. It was a nightmare to be made to feel like an intruder in your own life. They both are sick and deserve each other. That said, I have to say that it has made me retreat from making friends,trusting most and not trusting in myself to succeed. I fiercely protect my daughter as a result because I never want her to feel that kind of pain and rejection in her life. I have seen therapists and it has helped but the scars are there and no matter how hard I try it still haunts me. My wish is that today any child who is abused and or neglected the way I was will have someone who cares enough to get them out and help them. I was not that lucky and the laws were not yet in place to protect children from this. I think my saving grace was/is my loving husband and daughter and of course God. I believe that God will be every one's judge. Never give up and never, ever feel that you are alone . Good Luck and peace. : )
  • It always affects your ability to trust. Most relatioships start off good, just as they did in your childhood because you don't know any different. However, toward the middle your looking for a way to prove to yourself that your worth all the things this relationship has to offer. Towards the end any little thing they do you beginning doubting their motives. It's an aweful feeling.
  • Many things in my childhood were abusive. My first stepfather sexual abused both me and my brother. I hadn't found out about my brother untill recent years and we are both grown up now. I had alot of hatred toward my mother for not believing myself. I was a child full of hatred for everything. Myself included in this. I was a pacifist for many years in my childhood. I was afraid of what I might do. Finaly one day I snaped, blacked out, and fought back. I still, till this day, try not fight because of that very reason. I severely hurt a childhood friend breaking his ankle and fracturing his leg in four different places when he got in the way of a fight that I had already blacked out in. That's just my childhood. My mother was an alchoholic but I know she cared. She finaly stopped after she saw in the side of my dresser carved "My mother is an alchoholic". I had alot of support from my father after I met him at 11 years old. Today as an adult I'm a workoholic but am lazy when I am home. I feel like your everyday typical person accept for that anger thing. I never take it out in rage but I am afraid that I do mental ubuse. I'm trying to stop that because I do it to someone I love. We have been together for 7 years now and life is always a constant improvement. I've read quite a few of the other ones here and I see that everyone is generaly the same way. We all have some issues to work out and some of them will never change. All that matters is that we try to better our selves and strive for three things in life. Good food, good friends, and wonderfull conversations.
  • _______
  • as i child i went through both physical and emotional abuse. it went from beatin on me with boards or putting me down, practically saying that i sucked as a person. believe it or not this both helped me and hurt me. i surpassed the abuse and grew tough and headstrong. i am willing to do a lot of hard things without putting up an excuse and i almost always surpass obstacles and problems in front of me. but because of the abuse i became closed off. i never ask for help, i tend not give a s**t what people think about me, and i dont care if i hurt people (emotionally not physically). i also became a decent fighter.
  • its hard for me trust others and my self. i deal with the pain every day.
  • My having been abused as a child was the reason that I left home at 17 to marry an abuser. It took me 20 years to get out of that marriage. It affected my life a great deal.
  • Yes it did, I didn't trust anyone. I had a hard time making a relationship work but know I have a very good out look on life. 14 years ago I met the love of my life. He the most wonderful men that could have walked into my life. He helped me deal with the issues of my past. He was understand when I told him about what I've been through. He took me to get help and stood by me through it all. Now I have a wonder family with my husband I met 14 yrs ago and I have 2 beautiful children and I could not ask for more. So the abuse I had a s a child doesn't affect me anymore.
  • My father abused my mother for many years, and he abused us three children. We're all grown adults now, but the scars will never go away. All of us are introverts, and we find it very hard to trust or associate with people. Our self-worth is nill, as we always were told how dumb, stupid, and ignorant we were. The sad part is that my sisters dumped my father years ago, but I have continued to stick with him because he was "Dad." I now see that he ruined my childhood and my adult life. Nothing is ever good enough; I never do enough for him; he cannot be pleased; he criticizes my every move. He has swung at me and my husband, and he has gone after my children. The emotional abuse is even worse, and it continues to this day. People tell me that I'm crazy for continuing to deal with him, but it's been so hard to walk away from my father who has no one else. I have asked him to go to counseling with me, but he refuses as he doesn't think he has a problem. According to him, everyone ELSE has the problem. Dad is a compulsive liar, and he'll say or do anything to make himself look good or to get what he wants. He is money hungry, and he'll do anything to preserve a dollar -- no matter who he has to hurt. Yes, I know I need to start living for myself and spend some time with my family. I'm 49, and I need a life. But I don't know how.
  • have difficult y trusting and it takes me along time to warm up sexually to a guy. but know all these things so i work through it.
  • As a child I was sexually abused.I try to keep the memories buried in the back of my mind,but sometimes they resurface.When this happens,I go threw bouts of depression.It's hard for me to really open my heart up to a man.It's like I've built up walls to protect myself.I use to be very quiet and withdrawn,but as I get older,I get stronger by sharing my story with other young people.It still hurts deep inside,but I'm going to continue to fight the fight.For other adults who were abused,continue on fighting,never give up!!
  • i find it hard to show love and affection i question everything to myself when my partner just gives me a hug it really cut deep for me.
  • knewAbuse_child
  • I am not yet an adult but it is still hard. My first real relationship ended up being with a psycho who used my child abuse as a weapon against me. I was in this physical, mental, and verbal abusive relationship for a year before I was finally able to get out of it and away from him. After my abuse as a child I became a very mature kid. I knew what the world was like and what people could do. I am very timid and shy, and I don't trust people easily, or even at all. A good example of that is I now have a boyfriend of 1 1/2 years and he knows about my past. But I still can't get myself to fully trust him. And it angers him very much. I don't socialize at all with the opposite sex. I have few guy friends that I actually can be around without acting parannoid. My boss is inclined to tell me everyday that when I turn 18 he's going to have a fling with me and makes sexual gestures towards me all the time. So needless to say it has left me completely and utterly pist of at myself, not to mention that fact that I am very suicidal. I don't know what the next day will bring me and I have nightly nightmares about my past and what might happen to me in the future. I hate myself for being so weak and I don't know how to fix my brain. It left me unarmed and fully aware of the hate and violence in this world
  • Being used by elder girls and adult women in an extreme way and over a long series of years, I nevre could find a normal attitude to women. Every woman or girl to me seems extremely superior, masterful and better. Having gotten severe floggings by my abusers if I did not fulfill their demanding expectations, I still have to todan an extreme fear that I could make a mistake towards a woman or a girl. Still until today I am so a perfect victim for every dominant girl or lady and through all my life was extremely attracting dominat and cruel women, because I never dared to say No. So my many relationships always were quite strange and confusing. Meanwhile I am able to stop and to prevent contacts of women of this type and thee is of course a big mistrust to every woman I meet because I met quite a few very charming women who were nothing but dominant sadists.
  • Actually we see what happens in Ireland. And we see how immense child abuse was a completely common affair to adults. In the very same way an abuse of children was common all over Europe ad I met lots of old men who were separated as very young boys at the end of WW II by their parents when they were fleeing from the end of the war. Most lost their whole family and stayed over years in those various children homes.Many did not even remember their names or where they came from and then they were abused over many years. And it was the big christian churches who are responsible for that. My are experiences are absolutely nothing to that what these people had to stand. And I was always thinking and believing that in every woman thee must be a feeling of a mother who takes care of a helpless child but sometimes I had the feeling that women are even more cruel and more sadistic as men ever can be. I was not only abused corporally but the worst thing was that my brains were that much washed that I had to be even grateful to my female abusers. And finally I was evengrateful because I believed they were right what they did and that it was me who was a dirty little boy wh was responsible for anything. Even for their floggings they gave to me, I had to be grateful because they only wanted only my very best. We had to thank for being punished and we had to thank for our own humiliation because these "fine" ladies were doing anything for us to make a good boy of us. The brain-wash was even worse and after some time you just believe it und you become really grateful. So I think women are much more sophisticated when they abuse and they do it in an extremely cunning way.
  • i was mentally abused and occationally physcaly abused.it made me kinda cold hearted, blunt spoken,reclusive(i thinks thats the word for rather be alone than with others) and depressed but also it made me a better mother to my son because i know not to do things to him that were done to me and to always praise him for good things he does and support him in things instead of focus on what i dont like and dash his thought, dreams and creativity.
  • About 10 or 15 years later after that boarding school which had to get closed in regard of all those abuses which came out to the public, I accidentally met two of the elder girls who were abusing me over years. I wanted to find out if they would have a bad feeling towards me. Both were quite elegant and beautiful ladies. They did remember but both of them told me that their time at the boarding school was a wonderful time for them and both confirmed that they enjoyed their stay. I was telling them that for me it was not such a pleasure and that they were those who were giving me quite a series of floggings together with the lady teachers and both told me that I was derservion those floggings and as they could see, it did not harm to me at all. Both were extremely amused and laughed over the old times although they were the worst who loved to give punshments as often as they could because for them it brought a lot of additional privileges when they were looking for strictest discipline. As I told them that they were abusing me the meanest and most humiliating way, both denied and said that they never did anything wrong and anything they did was quite normal and common to them and the rules at that time just were this like. And both said oral service given by a boy to a woman never can do any harm and it is no fault at all if a boy learns this technique as soon as possible. For both of them my feelings just were ridiculous and nothing but oversensitive and an expression of self-pity. They did not have any bad conscience at all and found anything still amusing and sweet. Both sad clearly: What did it harm to you when you were a little brat and you had to lick my pussy or my asshole? Both justified that they needed this kind of sex and that it did good to them and a real good boy can deal with that. I was shocked and so I never met again one of these people. Shocking to me was that they had the clear and profound opinion that they were doing anything right and that it was my own fault that I got so often floggings by them being rebellious or cheeky. They can obviously deal with all that and they rememer a good time full of amusement and pleasure. So I think it does not make any sense if you meet your abusers because you will hear the same statements and you just get more frustrated or even angry. That kind of arrogance of these two ladies was extremely shocking.
  • I had emotional problems, trust issues, hard time making friends and maintaining relationships, constant depression and suicidal thinking, and self sabotage.
  • Hi,I have learned to NOT be like my parent.If you are abused,learn from it and grow strong.Never be like your parent.Life is a learning process.This is a simple question,HOW DID YOUR ABUSE AFFECT YOU AS A ADULT?Don't be like your abuser,you are better than that.
  • I think being absused you have only 2 choices. The first choice would be that you feel as a victim for the rest of your life and that you regret yourself what happened to you and try to put the blame of anyting to others. For sure you will fail your whole life and become a very unsociable and very unpleasant person. The second choice would be that you accept it and get over it. You canthink that many other people had even a worse life and even more terrible experiences as you ever had. With such an attitude you can make the best of your actual life and if you are to leave the past where it is, you make the best of it. Of course thee will always stay some bad souvenirs but you can change your actal life and never the past.
  • I have a hard time trusting and believeing in people..i sabbotage relationships..i have 1 child and will never have more for fear of repeating the pattern of said abuse. I have self-image issues, i cant get too close to someone even if i love them..i shut down.. im 38 and still trying to heal...
  • yes, suffering mistreatment during your childhood years will have an effect on you. scars of the abuse stay and unless you deal with all those negative emotions or experiences. if you dont then it will be hard on you when it comes to your future.it's not guaranteed that those memories will be erased but it's better to find a way to get over it.
  • Being extremely abused by elder girls and women, my whole attitude towards women has been founded for ever. I do not dislike women or girls at all but in a certain sense I fear them. So, I try to keep distance to women and girls as much I love their society. I always have the feeling that they get me into their trap and I deeply feel inferior to women or girls. I also fear intimacy because I always have the feeling to make mistakes and I never dared to refuse to the whishes of a girl or woman. So, I seem to attract always very dominant women and girls and the only solution I then have is to get lost at the right moment like a coward. Many women and girls made brutally profit from my inferiority by abusing me for their needs and so I am rather careful and it takes a very long time until I can trust. I was even trying to start a psychotherapy thinking that female doctors would understand me better but both were abusing me sexually even worse and the male psychotherapists told me to kick the women and to be rude to them what I can not do. I think being abused as a child, you have a damage for your life and the female doctors told me that I should be grateful that I was "only" abused by women and girls because an abuse by males would be worse. I don't know what is better. But I only can confirm that girls and women can be extremely cruel and they are cruel in a very perfide way so that I even was ashamed and had a bad conscious what about that what they made me do.
  • I can never be whole,and therapy is continueing daily.I cannot function in daily ordinary life,can't work,have more fears than I've got teeth(35+),and will probably die young,alone and deluted because of it.*+++++*
  • +5 I decided with Gods help that I am not a victim but am a survivior. I never hit my kids. I told them I loved them daily and I went to all school events. The very reverse of what my parents did
  • sadly I identify so much with you all, I do not think we ever recover fully but I do think we can find happiness if we distance ourselves from them...I do not have any friends either who are not fake or backstabbers....why I hold on to them is a mystery, but at times I think I be better off alone...I am on meds and ihad alot of therpahy...I used to pull my hair out alot...I do not do that as much anymore...I was abused every way possible by everyone around me...my brother is a psyhopath today cause of it and my only other sibling is mean and like mom...and very passive agreesive...at least ihave my own family today, without them, I wouldn't be writing this, cause io would not be here.
  • not sure, im not quite an adult yet. i dont usually talk to other people much though, and when i do i am joking an laughing i think i just try to cover it up, even though i know that isnt the way to deal with it. +3
  • Daily battling with self-esteem issues and self-worth, inability to trust human beings,anxiety and fears, depression that comes and goes (i once suffered with clinical depression for several years, but found my way out, somehow),agoraphobia and O.C.D. I guess it affected me pretty badly, and still does. It's a daily battle. It is so sad to read all these stories, but it helps to know we are not suffering alone. Great question, stillme!

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