ANSWERS: 2
  • A little background. Long story short, my gf got me involved in a homosexual relationship for a time. She had a gay colleague who thought I was attractive and she thought that gay sex was sexy to watch. So she got us together and he agreed to participate in threesomes and also to let my gf watch he and I have sex, but he also asked that he and I have sex alone from time to time - and I agreed to it (reluctantly at first.) The relationship went on for about four months - give or take. To my surprise I enjoyed the sex and found myself feeling emotionally close to the guy. It wasn't love, but it was a stronger affection than I think guys normally feel for each other. He could never replace my gf, but it threw me to have feelings like that. Grant that my situation was unusual in that it was basically a threesome that lasted for three or four months and that may have complicated it. Still, have you had that kind of experience? What do you think caused it? Was it simply a result of physical intimacy - or was there more to it that that?
  • Yes sometimes I feel a sexual attraction and it is usually a matter of her personality and how she carries herself and interacts with others that I regard as particularly womanly. Which has led a few times to a regular dating or living-together relationship. I won't classify people as "straight" or "gay" or whatever because I think that has no meaning and only limits our affections. But I do think no matter what sexual choices I make that as a woman I need a man to balance me cosmically as well as physically. Just as a man needs us. Not sure why you keep referring back to this. I don't think it unusual to feel affection for someone we have sex with. At least for us. Because it releases in us all kinds of chemicals, pheromones that stimulate bonding. Which is why sex becomes sort of a promise of further meetings and activity.
    • dorat
      Thanks for your reply. You wrote: "Not sure why you keep referring back to this. I don't think it unusual to feel affection for someone we have sex with." I am surprised that you are surprised that I was surprised that I developed feelings for the guy. You yourself have been in threesomes where the guys would not even touch each other. That was sort of my starting point. You may not so sharply divide the gay or straight thing, but socialization is a powerful force and you, I am sure, know men and women who would not even consider a same sex relationship. Indeed, you mentioned in another answer to me that in certain threesomes not only where there are guys who would not touch guys, but that it was, in effect, a breach of etiquette for a woman to touch another woman who did not enjoy the idea of lesbian sex. In effect, that division is far sharper - and in nature is brutally so - than you allow for. You are right that sex releases all sorts of chemical and instinctive behaviors, but those chemicals and instincts, in evolutionary terms, orient us toward the opposite sex. It is how the species has survived. (If human beings were purely products of evolution, there would be no homosexuals. In effect, they would wash out of the gene pool.) That is why I asked. The point of the question was to see how many other men and women have experienced those feelings. I got into the whole relationship as a turn on for my gf and found myself experiencing feelings that I had not anticipated and enjoyed the sex. That is a surprise and it left me wondering how unique - or not - my experience was. Did I fall in love with the guy - I don't think so, though I don't rule it out, and I was even relieved when our little experiment ended. Still, I can't deny that I felt something for him and that we had a certain comfort in each others arms. Whodda thunk it? Certainly, at the very least, we became good friends. Your experience has been different - but you yourself said that for a time in your life sex was a way of making you feel good about yourself. So that raises an interesting question - were your feelings purely love for, or attraction to, another woman, or was it a response to your own impulse for reassurance? It is not unusual that we are confused by our own feelings and that we are not always sure that what we are feeling is what we are actually feeling. I don't need a reply (or even want one) from you on that question - I think that it would be too personal and I am even vaguely concerned that you will take it badly - I just throw it out there as a sort of counterpoint to your own question. Cheers! P.S. What does "balance me cosmically" mean? P.P.S. I looked at your answer again and I wanted to clarify one other thing. I was speaking not just of a sexual attraction, but of a romantic one. I mention this because you wrote: "Yes sometimes I feel a sexual attraction..." I was speaking of more than that.

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