ANSWERS: 25
  • I think you should definately wait, 1 year is nothing! If he needs time show some respect for his feelings, and whats the rush anyway?
  • one year is not very long. if i was you i would ask my bf what he wanted aswell and wait a while before getting married. There are probably a lot of thngs you still dont know about each other. just enjoy the time you spend together and theres no harm in waiting to get married, its better than rushing into something
  • Why should the bf want to get married??? From my experience, virtually all marriages of people who waited to have sex until marriage are very strong because sex doesn't get in the "road" of other essential parts of a good relationship. i.e. communication and respect. However, for those that live together, it takes a lot longer to really know each other and usually the male is never in a hurry to formalize the union. It sounds crude but the old saying, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" comes to mind.
  • I don't see why you aren't married. If you are invoved enough to be living together and keep a household together, I don't understand why eithger of you should wait. In fact I don't think living together is good for a good longlasting marriage. Most marriages that start this way end. If a man loves you enough, wants to take care of you, and build a life together with you, if you have the same goals in life and are mature enough to handle life's problems then I don't see why you wouldn't be married already. He's getting the milk without buying the cow. He is remaining unaccountable for any problems or failures that come up by remaining commitally distanced from you.
  • i feel it takes at least 2 yrs before you really get to know someone. if the BF is not ready I would notpush it. You would not want to be pushed into something you don't want to do. why not wait a while. you are already living together. enjoy yourself!
  • If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. I don't buy the "shouldn't live together" argument. I know folks who lived together, got married and have fine marriages... I know folks who lived together and later their marriage collapsed. More importantly, I know folks who lived together and then broke up saying "I love <name> but couldn't spend my life living with them..." I don't buy the "you're marriage is doomed if you have premarital sex and/or live together..." If that is true, explain all the divorces in marriages where they did NOT live together...
  • You answered your own question. Your boyfriend isnt ready. I dont think I would rush into something if I wern't positive it was the right thing to do. But your boyfriend wants to wait so WAIT. He is not ready...Better safe than sorry...
  • Find out if he doesn't want to marry or if he doesn't want to marry YOU. Don't kid yourself; if he was going to, he'd have pursued it by now. Ask yourself, if we're in exactly the same place NEXT yr, is that enough for me? If the answer is NO...move on.
  • whats the rush? And I dont get the "why buy if you get it for free" statements...its not the 50's anymore... I understand wanting to marry someone you love..but if things are going well and you are both fairly happy..why not wait until you are both comfortable? I mean arent relationships supposed to be about compromise?
  • It just seems to happen that the relationship stops developing on certain levels when sex and/or living together happen. He's not moving in a deeper emotional level like you are. How comfortable are you with moving out and expecting more of the courtship leading to marriage? How about waiting until a bf is talking and asking to plan for marriage before becoming too intimate?
  • I think you need to find out the reasons he wants to wait, and exactly what his timeframe for marriage is. If you want to be in a relationship with him, you need to respect his timeframe. He also needs to respect yours. See if you can come to some common ground on the issue. In the end, if his timeline for marriage is unacceptable to you, you need to find someone who's timeframe on marriage is more inline with your own. For the record, the idea of equating marrying someone to buying a cow is just repugnant.
  • Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? It totally applies in 2008. It's very true for people who aren't motivated to move forward to marriage either. They feel they can get all the ebenefits without taking the step. Must be nice. Selfish too.
  • maybe you need to think about why you want to get married. is it the big wedding? his name? the title of Mrs...? children (not born out of we-lock) or is pure love? being with him?.... well you've surely already got the later. you're living with him. its still going to be you and him living together if you were married. living together can be just the same only without the paper.
  • Tell him you didn't wait for years before you decided to have sex with him (asssuming that it's true) and that's an even bigger decision than getting married. He shouldn't be the only one to have his 'timetable' respected.
  • Don't let him sleep with you anymore until he marries you. Then he'll come running. Good luck.
  • Say goodbye.
  • whats the rush?
  • You "want" to get married. You made the first most tremendous mistake ever, have sex with him on a permanent basis before being married. Two others have said it "Why should he be eager to pay for the cow, when he's already getting the milk for free?" I don't want to be mean, but think he has it real easy. He has a room mate, someone sharing the expenses, he gets things done around the apartment and he even has a beautiful woman in his bed every night. I would call it full board at no cost!!! Back out from having sex with him and move out on your own allow him to assume all his costs, to clean out after himself and to sleep alone if he does. The worst case scenario is that he will call it quits, if so, then so be it. Its better to end a relationships that is not transparent at all after a year than to jump into a marriage that surely will not work out. I am quite sure he will try to avoid loosing his "full board at no cost" don't let him do it to you. Take your time, live, enjoy yourself, be happy and let things happen as they are meant to be. To push yourself into future regrets will only bring pain and tears. Regards
  • Maybe this should be a time for study & reflection for U both. Here's some Reading Material that may help U Both. Enjoy! John DOCTRINE OF RIGHT MAN AND RIGHT WOMAN A. The right woman is the oldest and one of many grace gifts to man. 1. There are three prominent grace gifts from Christ to man delineated in Scripture, and these are the order in which they occur in the human race: a. Right woman, He built her, Prov 18:22, 19:13-14. b. Salvation, He did it. c. Doctrine, He thought it, 1 Cor 2:16. 2. In all of human history, right woman is the oldest human gift, for Christ brought the woman to the man, Gen 2:18. 3. The fall of man did not change their relationship. B. Attacks on the gift of right man/right woman. 1. Reversionism, especially phallic reversionism is an attack on the concept of right man/right woman. 2. Life in the cosmic system is an attack on right man/right woman. 3. All mental attitude sins attack right man/right woman, SOS 8:6, 8; Prov 27:4, 6:34. 4. Negative volition to doctrine is an attack on right man/right woman, Jer 15:8-9, 15-21, 16:1-2, 17:9-11, 12:7-9. Negative volition to doctrine destroys right man/right woman relationship. 5. Scripture: Prov 5, 6:20-32; 1 Cor 11:3-16; Jer 31:22; Eccel 7:26-29. 6. No disaster, pressure, or unfaithful act, can destroy personal love between a right man and a right woman. 7. The greatest attack on right man/right woman comes from the soul: scar tissue of the soul, emotional revolt of the soul, and reversionism. These attacks are accompanied by fornication and promiscuity. C. Perversions of Right Man/Right Woman. 1. Auto-erotism, masturbation, or self-response to self. 2. Homosexuality or lesbianism, Lev 18:22; Rom 1:26-27. 3. Bestiality, Lev 18:23. 4. Fornication, Ex 20:14; Prov 5:20, 6:32. D. Analogies of Right Man/Right Woman. 1. Right man/right woman is used to teach many types of doctrine since it is one of the most common relationships to the human race. 2. The Lord and Israel, Jer 2, 3, 13; Ezek 16, 23. 3. The Lord and the Church, Eph 5:26-33. 4. Operation Z, James 1:19-22. 5. Christ, the shepherd and bishop of the believer's soul, 1 Pet 2:25 cf 1 Pet 3:1. 6. The mature believer is the glory of God, 1 Cor 11:7. E. Right Man/Right Woman Related to the Laws of Divine Establishment. 1. Monogamy is designed to remind the human race that there is only one right man for one right woman and visa versa, 1 Cor 7:2-4. 2. Under these laws marriage becomes the second divine institution. 3. Marriage is still the protection of romantic love, Heb 13:4; 1 Cor 7:9; 1 Tim 5:14; Rom 7:2-3; Gen 2:24-25; Eph 5:22, 25, 28, 31, 33. 4. Marriage forms the basis for stability in society, and rejects the theory and practice of anarchy, promiscuity, and communal living. 5. Marriage is also protected by the third divine institution, family, where parents have the responsibility of training their children. 6. The husband is the authority in the marriage, Eph 5:22. 7. God protects the woman from tyranny by the training of the little boy by his mother. His mother teaches the man respect for womanhood, and keeps him from becoming an animal. Prov 31:1-2. 8. Once the couple is married, the doctrine of right man/right woman no longer applies. Now it is a matter of honor, integrity, and impersonal love which must provide the power for the marriage to work. F. The Man and Woman's Relationship at the Fall. 1. After the Fall, God confirms the fact that the man's authority is not changed, even though he responded to the woman, Eph 3:16b, 5:22. 2. In Gen 3:6 we see the reversal of the roles of the man and woman in the Fall. 3. Until the Fall, sex had been a total pleasure and an experience of perfect happiness. After the Fall, a secondary role is added: it is the means of perpetuating the human race. Without children they had only themselves to consider. But with children a second authority develops of parents over children, and this develops problems and complications in the right man/right woman relationship. 4. Therefore, the woman bears the children, Gen 3:15, and through her comes Jesus Christ, Gen 3:16. G. The Recognition of Right Man/Right Woman. 1. Personal love is recognized by both parties. 2. Right man can always tell the mood of his right woman by her voice. The right man's soul will have a total understanding of the right woman's soul, emotions, moods, etc. 3. The right woman may love or hate her right man, but she cannot stop thinking about him. Right man/right woman can never be just friends. 4. You won't be adjusted to people until you find right man/right woman. 5. Every time right man is with right woman, it is a blessing to him. 6. The man cannot work to get his right woman; it is a grace gift from God. God always brings the right woman to the right man. Grace takes up the slack before you find right woman. Doctrine is your right woman until God leads her to you. You don't need to date others while waiting. 7. If a woman doesn't recognize God's authority, she will never recognize her right man's authority. Long hair on a woman is a sign of the right man's authority over her. Wearing long hair is a sign that a woman is waiting for her right man. 8. Your right woman will not react to you. Bitchiness in a woman is an indication of the wrong woman. 9. A wrong woman is always dressing to show off what she has physically. 10. With the right woman there is a period of waiting, resisting temptation, and a period of doubt before God brings the right woman to the right man. H. Right Man/Right Woman and the Soul Climax, 1 Cor 7:8-9. 1. When you find your right woman, physical compatibility is no problem; the difficulty is recognition in the soul. a. Right man/right woman are not ashamed or disappointed in each other physically. The right woman fits the right man perfectly in sex. The right woman's body is the most magnificent thing to the right man. b. You cannot make a woman your right woman by having sex with her. c. Right woman is a storm of passion when the right man makes love to her. When the right man makes love to his right woman, he satisfies her soul as well as her body. This gives her insatiability. The right man sees his right woman as personifying symmetry and beauty. d. Jesus Christ is the giver of sex as the total concept of happiness with one's right woman. e. Before your right woman comes along, you must have an affair with Bible doctrine by taking in doctrine every day until it becomes the love of your life. 2. When the right woman comes along, both will have a soul climax. a. Sexual burning is not a soul climax. This is an indication of wrong woman. Fornication excludes the soul, and therefore always produces wrong man/wrong woman. Shopping around is human viewpoint. b. The soul climax is the divine design of recognition of your right man or right woman. "Burning" has nothing to do with libido. It refers to when two souls have climaxed and are not yet able to make love because the two people are not yet married. No sex can compare with the sex between right man and right woman. c. Therefore, it is better to marry than to burn in personal love for right man or right woman after you have made the soul identification. The right man or right woman can make identification without touching. c. The right woman always emphasizes the soul of her right man when they first know each other. She is looking for his precious soul. The right man is the most precious thing to the right woman, but she emphasizes his soul and hunts for that soul. d. To recognize his right woman, the right man needs only to have the soul climax; no physical contact is necessary. There is no need for heavy necking before getting married. Heavy necking knocks out the ability of the right woman to recognize her right man via a soul climax. e. The soul climax is being out from soul control, because someone else so stimulates your soul. This is the only person who pulls you away from your own self-consciousness into being more aware of them than yourself. You become more thoughtful of them, interested in them, and more concerned and involved with them than yourself. f. A super-rapport develops where the two people cannot wait to share what has happened while they were apart. They enjoy conversation, and even their silence has super-rapport. g. Sex before marriage destroys your capacity to have a soul climax, Prov 6:32. Abstaining from fornication protects the soul, so that it can have a soul climax and the fantastic happiness Christ wants every member of the human race to have. God isn't trying to keep you from having fun, but from missing out on greater fun than Satan and his cosmic system can provide. h. Mentally this person becomes your frame of reference for everything. All memories are related to this person. Over a period of time your norms and standards change so that this person is the honorable one, while other people are insignificant. In your viewpoint, everything in life is related to that right man or right woman. From your volition, you adjust your life with pleasure to please your right partner. You dress to please them and omit things in life to please them. Your emotion has a fantastic response to them. i. If you are in emotional revolt of the soul, you cannot have a soul climax. j. The soul climax is that soul identification in every compartment of the essence of the soul, which stimulates total soul concentration on a member of the opposite sex. It is involuntary total soul concentration. k. Total involvement of the soul essence means that the climax of the soul as an identifier will cover every area of the soul except the old sin nature. l. The right man fulfills her norms and standards, principles, categories, provides soul stimulation, and gives reality to her romantic dreams. 3. The soul climax is the divine design for recognition of your right man or right woman. I. Identification of the Right Woman, Prov 31:10-31. 1. Verse 10 says that your right woman will have certain things for you that she doesn't have for anyone else. The man must recognize her first and be aggressive to her. The man makes the identification first. 2. In verse 11, the right woman becomes a home to the right man. The heart of the man is at home with the right woman's soul. The right woman regards the right man as her lord. The right man's right lobe has confidence in her. This is called love-security of the soul. The right woman won't flirt, tease, or think about some other guy. She is totally occupied with him when he is absent. 3. In verse 12, the right woman will do good to the right man, show him good, and cause him good. 4. In verse 13, the right woman makes decisions to please her right man. The right woman dresses only to please her right man. Her soul is so occupied with him that she is motivated to always appear in clothing he appreciates. She searches diligently to find clothes to impress him. She works with pleasure because it is for her right man. 5. Verse 14 says that she goes to extra effort to find things for her right man to please him, like his favorite food. 6. Verse 15 says that her mental attitude determines how things go around the house. The right woman places love for her right man above her own comfort and personal wants. 7. Verse 16 says that she pleases her right man in business, e.g., she is an aggressive business woman. 8. In verse 17, her soul and body are at his disposal. She responds to only her right man sexually, and anything goes. She encourages him with her arms. 9. In verse 18, anything she does related to her right man always tastes good to her. He always tastes good to her. She is stimulated by him and in a state of perfect human happiness. 10. In verse 19, her hands are occupied with those things which bless him. She gives him no cause for concern. She doesn't play games (cheat on him), nor is she vindictive and seek revenge against him. 11. Verse 20 says that because her soul is full of grace happiness from her right man, she extends grace to others. 12. Verse 21 says that the right woman anticipates certain kinds of disaster and heads them off. She prepares for disaster before it arrives and makes provision. Her instincts of love keep her concentrating on her right man. She no longer depends on parties, outside friends, and fun. She doesn't try to hurt her right man who is so vulnerable to her social or mental unfaithfulness. 13. In verse 22, the right woman makes herself beautiful around the house because her right man is there. 14. Verse 23 says that she is not a nag. The right woman makes it possible for the right man to concentrate on work and be away from home without worrying about her. She compliments and implements, but never competes with her right man. She turns him on, but never puts him down. She seduces him, but never belittles him. 15. In verse 24, the right woman supports her right man with fanatical loyalty and love. 16. Verse 25 says that the right woman is the glory of her right man and wears her glory in her soul, which includes having a sense of humor. She has beauty of soul. She is totally relaxed, giving her the ability to laugh at housework, office work, or whatever she must do. 17. In verse 26, when she speaks, the right man is thrilled because wisdom comes out of her mouth. Divine viewpoint and Bible doctrine is the basis of her conversation. She refrains from verbal sins. 18. In verse 27, she is alert in her soul and not idle. 19. Verse 28 says that her sons remember her with happiness. 20. In verse 29, she waits for her right man by taking in doctrine. For the right man only one woman surpasses all others: his right woman. 21. Verse 30 says that you should not use physical beauty to determine your right woman. Beauty is deceitful. Identification is made in the soul. When you get turned on by some woman's looks, then you missed your identification. She is not your right woman. Beauty, sex appeal, and a great body, is not the basis for recognition of the right woman. Once identification is made in the soul, you will find she has the most beautiful body. The woman occupied with Christ will receive praise from her right man. 22. In verse 31, the responsive right woman becomes aggressive with her hands and lips. No wrong woman can compare. You don't have to prove anything in public to others that you are right man/right woman; touching is private. J. The Responsiveness of the Right Woman. 1. When a woman is a true responder, she initiates her response from her own free will. Right man/right woman have true communication. 2. A woman in response is aggressive. She doesn't stand around and wait for the right man to be aggressive. He doesn't have to be the aggressor on every occasion. 3. The right woman can respond to an aggressive act the right man committed a year before. She is designed for compliments, recognition, and individual attention. K. The Submission of the Right Woman. 1. If a woman is in love, she is happy to surrender her volition to the man and he will care for it. Without mental rapport, there is bad sex life. If the woman doesn't give her soul, she is cheating her man. 2. Submission of the right woman is not slavery but fulfillment. Grace inner beauty in the woman is something which the wrong man sees which he cannot fulfill. A right woman may even change friends to please her right man. The right woman's norms and standards will become one with her right man's. One person's sins don't cause sins by the other person; the same is true for human good. 3. The man should never demand anything from a woman, because he won't get anything anyway. The man cannot demand volitional response or appreciation. 4. The right woman is never shocked by the good or bad points of her right man. Her right man is a point of doctrine. Because Bible doctrine is in her soul and he is a point of doctrine, he is always in her soul, and therefore she will always be faithful. 5. A woman goes quickly from objectivity to subjectivity because she is a responder. 6. The right man will always give her something to which to respond. She saves those things in her memory so that she can respond to them again. 7. The right man, positive to doctrine, will lead in spiritual things. 8. A woman has no security in life except the security of her right man. When a man comes along and is faithful to her and no one else, and she knows it, then that person has her attention forever. 9. When you keep a promise to a woman, it impresses her. She responds. A woman who is a responder to too many things in life also makes herself a reactor to many things in life. The more you respond, the more you react. 
  • im not sure how long you have been dating for based on that you have been living with him for a year i am asuming you guys have dated at least a year before hand making this a 2 or 3 year relationship. i would say that this is plenty of time to know or not if this is the right person. just tell him that the relationship has halted and is not moving forward...tell him that you know him very well inside and out and that he probabaly knows the same about you. tell him you love him very much (assuming he will say the same to you that he loves yu0 AND tell him that you are at the point where either you two get married or you guys will need to move out. tell him that you "trial" lived with him long enough to see what it would be like and that you like the idea. tell him its marriage or you move out (you guys will still be together dating but you just moved out becasue there is no point living together if ther is not goal to get married). living together is a trial to see how well you to are living together so he should know what he wants from you in that year of living togehter!!!!!
  • I have done research where men "get the milk free" and you have already basically told him sex is okay without the committment. If you want a committment, move out and don't give him sex until you have developed a deeper relationship without sex. If he wants sex tell him that he has to "buy" you. He'll know what you mean.
  • I'm in the same situation, my girlfriend moved into my house with her kids and we have been living together for a few months. We are engaged. She wants me to go visit her relatives, which is a very expensive overseas trip. I said I would go if we get married first, I don't want to go meet the family if she is going to change her mind about me later. She doesn't want to get married now, she feels that she isn't ready. I have to wonder, why doesn't she? Is she not sure that she loves me? Is she still testing me? She is waiting to see if something comes up that would make her realize that she doesn't really want to be with me and then move out? Well - duh! obviously.. Somehow that doesn't give me a warm feeling. I don't really know how to handle the situation.
  • Persist a little, if he's immovable - fish elsewhere
  • It doesn't matter if you want to wait or not. It's not up to you. It takes two to want to get married if one doesnt want to there is no marriage.
  • if you want to keep him maybe you should wait

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