ANSWERS: 26
  • Because being single gets old, too. Also, you might risk losing someone if you decide you never want to get married. Marriage is hard work. My husband and I have had a lot of rough spots, but we get through. It takes a lot of effort to keep passion alive when it seems like you've run out of new things to try. Nevertheless, I don't regret getting married. The feelings of security and familiarity that comes after years of marriage can also be very comforting. It's nice to know that whatever happens, I have someone to turn to - and I never have to find a date for Friday night.
  • There is a well-known statistic out there that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but the glass-half-full side of that is that 50% of marriages DON'T. Marriage is hard work, compromise, frustrating and many other things......but those problems are nothing if the marriage is worth it, and the people in it are committed to it. The people who talk about how The Spark dies after marriage, never truly understood what love and marriage are all about. The hot, intense passion and excitement that you feel in the early stages of love DOES mellow out, and from that soil is where MARRIED love comes from. The initial 'spark' was never intended to last forever. You don't keep tossing matches into the fireplace, do you? You start a fire by burning kindling, and when it gets going, you move on to the big logs. You can't start with them - they won't burn by themselves. But if you tried to keep burning just kindling, you'd exhaust yourself. You have to have both phases at the right time. A fire can warm a house or it can die down to just a few embers. Then you put more logs on the fire and start it up again. Love is the same way......sometimes it's white hot, and sometimes it's just a few warm coals keeping it going. If you tried to keep up the initial intense passion, you'd burn yourselves out. If people don't recognize mature love or value it, they may think they have fallen out of love with their spouse when in reality, they have just gotten over their infatuation and truly fallen IN love. Why do people marry? Because a good marriage is fulfilling, because having someone on your side through thick and thin can carry you through a lot of life's troubles. Don't listen to the people who are whining about it - they are just venting their troubles. People tend to share bad news more than good, so you get a lopsided view. If you really want to know about marriage, go to a nursing home and talk to someone who was married for 50-75 years.
  • I think so many marriages in in divorce because they got married for the wrong reasons to begin with. Yes, people change but if you really love someone, you grow and change together but the 'spark' should never die. If you look at the problems of most troubled marriages, you will find that the problems most commonly stem from issues with money, kids, and communication or lack there of. Many people are only in love with the idea of love and marriage and never take into account that this is really a LIFE LONG commitment. It is an emotional and spiritual bond; it is about mutual love, respect, trust, and communication. Here are some questions that all couples should consider before marriage ... 1. How well do we really know each other? (Have you been together long enough to know the important things about each other?) 2. Do we respect and trust each other? (Lasting marriage requires this as well as love) 3. Are we getting married for the right reasons? (It is about more than just being in “love” with the idea of being married … loneliness, pregnancy, financial security or wanting to get out of your parents home are not good reasons to get married) 4. Do we share the same or compatible beliefs about the major issues of life? (Religion, having and raising children, etc) 5. Do we have the same or compatible goals for the future? (Finances, health, home, etc…) 6. Are we compatible in how we handle conflict in our relationship and in life in general? (is one of you quiet and the other argumentative?) 7. What do we expect out of marriage … do we have the same expectations? 8. Do we agree on how we will live after we are married? (who will cook, clean, work, pay bills, make decisions, etc) 9. Do we communicate well … can we comfortably talk to each other about anything? (sex, money, politics, etc. Communication is the key to any good relationship. Your spouse should be your best friend) 10. Do we love and accept each other as we are right now without any hidden goals to want to change the other person? Though these questions don’t cover everything, but it should give you some things to discuss. No, you don’t have to agree on everything but you should agree on the things you find to be the most important or at least come to a mutually acceptable compromise before you say “I Do“. If not, you could be in for a rough first year that could possibly end up putting you in with that 'half empty' 50%! Best of luck!
  • My husband and I have been married for 23 years...and I would not trade one of them. Not all have been easy but they have ALL been rewarding. Marriage is not about being happy...it is about becoming ONE...and happiness results from that. If you are looking for happiness..buy a puppy. Marriage takes work...and love is a daily decision. When you decide to marry...don't do for yourself anymore...you do for your spouse...and your spouse does for you....that leads to happiness. Giving 50/50 does not work...you must give ALL of yourself...hold back nothing... and above all TALK to each other. Before we were married we went to marriage classes and en Engagement Encounter Weekend...and learned a great deal....and one thing that has always stuck with me from that experience is something a priest said... There are rules for arguing and you must ALWAYS follow these rules... 1. remove all clothing...if both you are naked then neither of you can leave. 2. NEVER bring up the past...it is gone and nothing can be done about it. 3. Never go to bed angry....talk it out...no matter how long it takes My husband and I have lived by these rules and added one more to it after we had kids... Don't have both parents angry at the same time...the kids need one parent on their side always. Keeps the lines of communication open that way. For more personal comments on marriage...and life in general....http://spaces.msn.com/puglsyscorner/
  • It often does die - many women get married to have babies and you don't matter at all. Not all of them but 8 of my male friends had girlfriends - 3 got pregnant on purpose - 1 said it was an accident - the other 4 had wives that got pregnant in months when they had agreed to wait and enjoy an adult life for a few years first. With many women - having babies is a compulsion and they start very young and end very later if you don't screeeeeeeeeeeeeech STOP IT! For a man - that's 18 or more years of a legal obligation and all of his useful adult life - his career is usually out the window too. On my website the Male Action Network http://male-action-network.com - I recommend that men stay single. The sex life will leave soon after marriage too unless you make babies, and after that - usually no sex. We have a lot of case histories - some men say - I don't want to marry, because I don't like the changes in me that will occur if I do. This doesn't mean I don't like women - I just like them as friends. Good luck. MajorHart
  • How often do you hear of singles saying how miserable they are without someone? Almost all, I would say, but people don't really focus on that.
  • I've been married for 6 years and have never been happier. Marriage is like any other relationship, you have to take care of it or it will fade.
  • You must be talking to all the wrong married couples! The married couples I know, just like I am, are VERY happy in their marriages. Anything from recently married, through my 4 years, through 25 or 50 years. And they're not "miserable" and never have been. Being married makes it MORE fun, not less. Having kids just adds to that. You just have to enjoy each other and get along. If you don't think you can do that, don't. But if you can get along with her, you'll be fine.
  • I'm a very happy bride of 34 years and I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything in the world. It's not all the hard work you hear about. It's a pleasure to work at it with him. One of the secrets of a good marriage is choosing the right person, a good person that is just as focused on the future with you as you are with them. We don't even have any children to 'keep us together'. We just stay together and enjoy the 'journey' because we still delight each other. We have always made the other person the priority.
  • Wow. You know some people who got married for probably all the wrong reasons or didn't know what they were getting into!! Most couples I know are happy. My husband and I are 6 years into marriage. I am happier today than I was when he proposed. Marriage takes work... as does any relationship. As for the "spark"... sure, after years you no longer have that butterfly feeling everytime you see your lover, but it doesn't go away totally if you keep it lit. We dated for 3 years and married for 6. He still makes me tingle! Good luck.
  • for the people that gave you that response their spark had died way before they got married it took for that to happen for them to realize it. I am married I am 22 and my husband is 31. the married life to me is wonderful. I'll put it like this you have to be friends before anything because if there is no chemistry as friends how will a relationship work. My spouse and I get along great we started out as friends and took it from there. We both are Geminis and we are going on three years together 2 years married and we just had a beautiful baby girl. So make sure that as long as your friendship is rock solid and you can confide in one another and just listen when it is that time and give each other that little bit of space when needed it will be perfect.Follow your heart based on what you two have together not what those losers told you good luck
  • You can't live your life but what other people are saying or doing. A marriage is what the two people make it. You do have to work at a marriage...problems arise...things happen..but if you love each other you can work together to overcome anything that comes your way! :)
  • Can't live your life by other peoples statistics. I have had 2 failed marriages. My advice to you is to live together for a while to see what it is like, then if you want to get married then go for it and don't worry about others mistakes.
  • Dating is a sprint. Marriage is a long-distance marathon. There is a different way to approach each race, and both of you have to realize this. Marriage is mutual growth (hopefully at about the same rate for each of you). It is compromise. It is FUN...if you're both committed to it. Here are some rules that has kept my wife and I happy for the last 7+ years: 1. Don't go to sleep angry at each other. Stay up all night if you have to, but talk it out. 2. No name-calling. In the heat of the argument it's easy to resort to the simple attack of calling her a name. DON'T do it. You can't un-say it. 3. Don't bring up crap from three years ago in an argument today. It's a cheap shot, and if you've done #1 then this should be a moot point. 4. Avoid "ruts" when you recognize them. Change it up. Whether it be in the bedroom or the places you go for dinner. 5. Listen to each other. Don't just react, but really listen. 6. There's a little spot right behind her left ear. Nibble on that for 10 seconds, and the "discussion" can wait for tomorrow.
  • I don't think it always that "the spark" fades or dies off. I think sometimes after being together for a while couples get very comfortable with each other (i call it the "comfy stage") and it may seem that the intial excitement wears off. Most relationships seem to start off "hot, heavy, and exciting" ... 'cause its new and you're getting to know each other still, but after those first few months, that excitement usually fades a little and there is either genuine love and affection there to take its place or there isn't.
  • People go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Consider this... ...what have you ever purchased, acquired or become involved with that's brought you lasting satisfaction? You always wind up becoming bored with and/or replacing whatever is was you just HAD to have. People buy into that "til death do we part" crap expecting they won't get tired of looking at the same face day in, day out. "The spark" goes out 'cause the novelty has worn off. If you understand that it's not going to always be "peaches and cream", and you're both willing to WORK toward cultivating a successful relationship, you'll find yourself reasonable happy... ...well, as happy as a neutered pet can be...!
  • It's your choice to be miserable or not. Her's too. We've lasted 19 years because we choose to be happy, even during lean times. We also fight with certain rules to keep it civil and are quick to forgive. Good luck!
  • You know it's the right time to get married when you are willing to wipe her butt if she gets sick, listen to her bitch and cry when the PMS hits, go out to the Hucks for chocolate and coke at 3 am, have sex with her pregnant, have sex with her fat, bloated, with no makeup or bad breath. Buy her tampons. Smell her farts. Pretend you haven't heard her story about Grampa and the puppy for the 17th time... and love every fuckin' second of it. I've been married for 15 years. I can't live without her. She is my best friend and my lover. She took care of me when I ruptured my spleen, almost died of pancreatitis, and gave me two beautiful children. She cooks for me and keeps my home clean. She is my better half and I would do anything for her.
  • that's exactly what marriage is all about. If you're bothered by what people say, then you're not ready to get married at all. If you really love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, you'd be willing to go through tough times and work it out with her. Marriage is not just about the good weather.
  • I think you are talking to the wrong people. try talking to people with happy marriages and what makes them work.
  • Just because your married friends are dissatisfied, it doesn't mean that you will be. If you have been dating your gal for a while and you think you're compatible, then propose to her. You can always have a long engagement and, during that time, get premarital counseling so you can both learn to cope with any differences you may have. If both of you know how to compromise when issues arise, you will probably be fine.
  • It stands to reason because 50% of marriages end in divorce and a good percentage of the remaining 50% are unhappy. The reality is that a strong majority of marriages are miserable. Not all but most. If you dare to enter the ring of marriage, tread carefully. . .
  • The Road To Hell Was Paved With Good Intentions. Alimony..... child support ..... She's tollerant of your ways now, don't expect that to last once the cuffs are on. "oh sweetie , I could Never be angry with you....." ya right. Find someone who you really despise and buy her a house. It's cheeper that way.
  • the people that say that are old and grumpy. imagine the look on your girlfriends face if you kneel down a pull out a ring, it's your thought that counts
  • if you make sure that her happiness is always more important than your own, and she makes sure that your happiness is always more important than her own...you will be fine. If you lead your family in the direction that is best for them, and not just what you want....its all good. Dont make the mistake of seeking only your own happiness, or asking for things that will please you while hurting her...and vice versa.
  • i think that its only bad if you marry someone in the navy cuz my dad was in the navy and he was always out to sea so you dont get to see you partner that much and sometime yous over seas for months but then after that your partner wont be intrested and maybe even start playing you but thats only if your in the navy plus im only 15 so. But if you and her feel right together go for it maybe you friends that you asked just didnt really have a spark

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