ANSWERS: 100
  • I would not invite this friend back with her hellion. If she cannot control her monster and teach him to treat other people's homes with respect, he should not be taken out of his cage.
  • No you were right to ask. As a matter a fact your friend should be embarrassed that she can't control her 6year old in public or at another persons house. That's so rude. And you shouldn't feel bad. Shame on her for not taking control of that kid.
  • you were right. if the child made the mess then the child or mother should clean it up. if she was offended, then she wasn't a true friend.
  • At 6 he should have been taught the right way to act in someone else's home. Since that is not the case and I am assuming you want to see your friend again, I would have some movies queued up for him to watch and have some toys placed in a certain area of the home for him to play in. Ranking the rudeness of the event: 1. Letting her kid run all over the house. 2. Her not offering to clean it up herself. 3. The son for not controlling himeself. 4. Depending on your tone, you asking her to clean it up. You, even if it was rude to ask, were in the right place to ask.
  • You had every right to ask. She needs to be responsible for her child. She should have offered to pay for or replace the things that were broken too. I see where her childs lack of respect comes from also. Obviously she didn't teach him not to touch things that don't belong to him and when he did touch them he should have been corrected.
  • That's awful! I even clean up (most of) what my kids drop on the floor of a restaurant, and they are well-behaved (usually)! I can't imagine a person being so thoughtless as to let their child destroy someone's home in the first place, let alone balking when they are asked to clean it up. You ought to march right over to her house and leave a floater in the commode.
  • I've had a similar situation. My friend came over w/her child & she began tearing my place apart. When the Mom didn't do anything about it, I did. I kept telling the child to stop, or to quit, or to put things done so many times that I finally asked my friend "Why are you letting this kid get away with all this"? She told me that she was so tired of dealing with it that it was nice for someone else to do it for a while. I couldn't believe it! Basically, short of putting a straightjacket on the kid, I got them BOTH out of my house as soon as I could. I told her later that if she couldn't control her child while at my house she could just stay home. My house, my rules. So, don't be suprised she was offended. She was probably suprised you were bothered by the mess.
  • You were absolutely right! That woman is in for a rude awakening about ten years from now, if not before! Future meetings should take place at her apartment, if you can find a place to sit in the rubble.
  • Good lord, what a crappy situation for you to be in. At 6, a child is more than old enough to understand the concept of respecting other people's homes and property. If his mother isn't instilling those values in him, shame on her. I can't believe she let him do all of that!! I'm a nanny to a 5 year old who knows better than to do that crap...so does his 2 year old sister. It just amazes me how kids today have so little respect for anything at all, and how parents let it go on. You were absolutely in the right to ask her to clean up after her brat; the fact that she didn't offer in the first place is outrageous, I'd have been really mad. If you invite this friend over again, make it clear that her son is NOT welcome unless she intends to make him behave.
  • You were definately not wrong. My friends know that if they visit and their child is doing something damaging to my home, I will ask them to stop. They also know I expect them to call my child on anything she may do in their home. The friend should have been keeping an eye on her child while he was there, preventing him from making a mess like that, and SHE should have made sure he cleaned up any mess that he made. If she was offended, she isn't much of a friend, IMO.
  • You did the most right thing. Tell her to control her child & teach him to respect other's people property.
  • People need to teach their kids respect. People need to get a grip on the fact that some people work hard for what they have, and they like to keep things neat, clean, and as newly looking as possible. Just because this woman might let her child do things like this at home, she has to take some responsibilty for her child when she is out at other peoples home. That type of child that thinks that they can break whatever they want or do whatever they want, she get a reality check, because those are the kids that will be robbing, stealing, and cheating as they get older. WAKE UP LADY give your kid a firm spanking, and teach them what is right from wrong is what I am thinking!! Maybe the lady needs a reality check herself, maybe she thinks her and her kid are PERFECT...WRONG!!!!!!
  • You were absolutely right to ask her to clean. I would go so far as to say that I hope the time of their leaving was at your suggestion rather than waiting until she was ready to go. Make sure she knows that her child is not welcome in your home again until his behaviour meets the standards you have every right to expect. If this upsets her and causes the loss of her friendship console yourself with the fact that she wasn't a friend in the first place, so it's her loss, not yours.
  • What about this woman who doesn't help clean up? Drop her. You were right. She was wrong not to control her child. In situations like this I sometimes think that spanking should be legal. Or a strap. Or, perhaps, handcuffing the brat to a radiator. If the child were mine I would sell it.
  • no you were not wrong to ask. she was wrong to be offended, and to be honest, out of order for allowing her child to create havoc in your home in the first place. she clearly has no respect for others and thinks highly of herself
  • Ok now that I've wiped the tears away from the laughing fit I had while reading this question I can finally answer! The question is both hilarious and sad. Unless you were a real bitch when you handed her the hoover, she had no place being upset. You know this, everyone who has answered knows this. I've had my fair share of nanny gigs and I think everyone knows that a six year old can be taught right from wrong and how to behave. The question is what freaking universe did this friend of your's grow up in?!?!? My mother would have yanked me out of your house so fast she would have dislocated my arm!!
  • You were sooo right. You have no control over your friend's mothering skills but you certainly do over your own surroundings and who you choose to invite into your world. Stick to your guns.
  • You were absolutely in the right. If your friend can't control her child she should at least have the common courtesy to clean up after him and pay for the broken items. A 6 year old should know better, and if he doesn't know how to behave in someone's home he should be left at home with a sitter.
  • Definitely not. If she were a true friend, she wouldn't have let him trash your apt in the first place much less get insulted when you asked her to clean it up. Why should you have to clean up after her brat?
  • You were on the right track. She should be aware that the behavior is unfavorable. Also, perhaps dont invite her over anymore.
  • If she expects you to clean up after the kid, maybe you can spank him too. That would be preventative cleaning right? Certainly I would have insisted that she clean up the mess and probably told her not to come back if she wouldn't do so. At six that kid is old enough to have basic things explained to him like hey, don't break my stuff!! I know that personally I have replaced things broken (accidently so far, cross my fingers and keep on disciplining) by my son and when my kids make a mess anywhere I clean it up - even at restaurants! If your friend can not have the self respect to have respect for your belongings and for the care and discipline of her child then I would suggest you discontinue your friendship.
  • no you did the right thing to say something about it! it is her child and she should of been a responsible adult and cleaned it up or even have her son clean it up since he is/was the one that created the mess.
  • You were absolutely right to ask, and I think it's time you find a new friend.
  • you were right to ask her to clean up after her own child, the only thing i would have done differently would be to ask the child to do it himself. that probably would have made your friend even more upset tho. its your stuff but its not your mess and a child should learn to be responsible for their own messes, even if their parent isn't the one that teaches them.
  • You were very right in this situation. & it's good that you talked to her about it, instead of trying to discipline her son yourself. Disciplining her child is her own responsibility. I can see why she'd be upset if you had instead approached her son, but you didn't cross any line. Her son did, however. There's no reason for her to be upset with you.
  • I would have said something as soon as the accidents happened and asked the child to clean it up, handing him a cloth or dustpan, whatever. If the mom doesn't like that, than she can clean it. How rude to allow your child to damage anything of someone else's. Send her to her corner!
  • You were in no way wrong to ask your friend to help clean up. And she was very wrong in not only letting her child do this, but for not getting off her butt and cleaning it without having to asked. As fo rbeing offended she's just as disrespectfull as the kid. You need to drop her as a friend. I make my kids not only behave in others' homes, but clean up too. I don't think it's too much to ask after some one has given me their hospitallity.
  • Did you or she make any attempt to prevent or stop the breakages from occurring? Also, when you visit her, does she have an expectation of you that you clean up after yourself or your child? I personally think you were in the right for asking her to take responsibility for her child. I know people will hate me for saying this but hey, I'm in a foul mood and politeness is going out the window and so here goes: I don't understand why people whose children or pets behaver badly without any discipline from the parents or owners, still think it's acceptable to inflict their children / pets on others. Sorry if I've offended anyone but it's not acceptable and if we're getting all politically correct about social references (ie, the N word etc), why the hell doesn't that PC stuff go towards behaviour and taking responsibility. Sorry, getting off soap-box now. Back to you. I think you definitley did the right thing. You've got a right to ask her to clean up and replace stuff. And honestly, it's damned poor ettiquette that she expects that she should get away with crap like that just because she's your friend. That's abusing your friendship. Put it this way. If you were out in public and this kid broke stuff, she'd be given a bill for replacing what was broken. So why shouldn't it be different in your home? If she's not prepared to replace or fix what's been broken or damaged, dont let her visit you anymore - go and see her outside of your home (or go to her home).
  • You should have not even HAD to ask your "friend" to clean up her child's mess...If she has no control over her kid she shouldn't be taking him to someone's house she considers a friend...Sorry, but I would look for another friend because this Lady is a clueless idiot.
  • I believe i would be finding me a new friend. if her child did this to your apartment and she was offended after being asked to clean up, just imagine what her living quarters must look like!! She apparently has no control over her child. No, you were not wrong to ask her. Next time this friend wants to visit, post a "gone fishing" sign on your door.
  • You were very right. The child should be old enough and know that he shouldn't do that by now. You weren't the least bit wrong to ask; your friend was. If SHE didn't want to clean up, than she shouldn't be welcome in your home. when she wants to come over, she can't throw the responsibility on you.Remember: your house, your rules. Next time, just tell her this, and ask her to try to watch her son. If she gets offended or does nothing to stop him, please ask her to leave your home immediatly until she intends to watch him.
  • I wouldn't invite them back anytime soon to my home if they're going to be disrespectful of my home.
  • I think that you were right for asking, it is disrespectful not too mind your children in social situations. Atleast that is how I feel about it.
  • I would have asked her to clean it too because it is her child and her responsibility
  • no, not at all. You should have mentioned something to your friend while the child was mucking about to make her aware that you did not appreciate what her child was doing. A lot of parents do not know how to control the reckless behaviour of their children or they simply turn a blind eye.
  • Although some people may disagree with me, this is the result of spanking becoming taboo and frowned upon. I wasn't beaten as a child, but I was spanked when I did wrong. But I never misbehaved when at others houses (other than the occasional stubbornness) I'm not saying you should spank the child, since its not yours, but the parent should have taken some responsibility long ago. I noticed you asked long this a while ago, what's happened since then? (if thats not prying too much)
  • And I'd be happy to give her that spanking. Her bottom would be good and red after i finsihed with her. What bad manners!
  • The son and the mother both need their a$$ beat for doing that. The mother because she let her son do it and the son for being hardheaded as he!!. Yes, you were right for getting upset. If the shoe was on the other foot, she would've probally asked you to do the same thing (as far as cleaning up or replacing what was broken).
  • She was wrong. Its understandable for a young kid to make messes but she should atleast have the decency to apologize clean up and try to replace anything he did break. Tell her how you feel about the situation, if she doesnt get it you shouldnt have them over again. Cuz thats just rude.
  • You may just want to let her know, you know I just read in the newspaper that Ted Bundy was never made to clean up messes in the apartments of his mothers` friends as a child either......
  • That's your place. That's where YOU pay the bills and rest YOUR head at night! If your friend got offended, then oh well! Perhaps she's not much the friend. It seems like your friend, through that action, does NOT respect you. Why have a relationship with one whom can't respect you? There are 6 billion+ people in the world now. Take your pick!
  • My friends with kids know im not a big kid person... Even before coming over the conversation will go like this... Me: Hey why not come by to visit Them: Sounds good...we have (fill childs name here) though. Me: Thats cool we can give them a couple of toys to keep them occupied and stop them going through everything. Them: Ok sounds good
  • you were within your rights and shame on her for being offended, asking her to pick up after her son should not of been an issue, as his mother she should of taken responsibility over the issue. YOUR RIGHT
  • I think I take a slightly different stance. Yes she was wrong by allowing her child to make a horrible mess. But on the other hand they were your guests. It would be like throwing a party and then expecting everyone else to clean up the mess. If you don't want this situation to happen again I would have made mention "that the last time you were here I had a huge mess to clean up, please please keep a better eye on him". I think expecting her to clean up the mess was within your rights as a person but unexpected as a true friend. I would maybe have started cleaning it up while she was still there and said "Oh My Look at this mess we made, Would you mind helping auntie so and so clean up this big big mess little johny" and surely your friend would have felt obliged to help.
  • You were right,I would have told them dont let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.I would have given them both the boot.This is sad that you cant have a friend that is dependable and trustworthy.You were kind anought to have them over in your home not there home.Me casa is not su, if you dont respect my home and the family.She is liable for her childs mistakes and behaivor,It the child broke things of value or the damages was extensive I would tell her see you in court after I took pic of all the damage and drew up the paperwork and filed etc. or you give me cash now to pay for the damage the you kid did.She should not walk away from you and think it is your fault she need to be punished for her childs mistakes.
  • what? that's horrible!! she had no right to let her child behave like that, AND not clean up after him, MUCH LESS to be offended when you asked her to, which was her responsibility!!!! obviously, it's your apartment, so you can keep it how you want and other people should respect that, as well as recognize that it is a privilige(sp) to be invited into it, and you can revoke that at ANY time, it is your right.
  • You were not wrong. I don't know if you would have been more successful by being more diplomatic or not. I wasn't there. However, she should not have refused. in fact, she should not have had to be asked. If it were me or my wife, we would have been on it right away. hopefully it is merely an issue of lack of maturity - not the child's, but the mom's.
  • You were absolutely right to ask - but wrong to let it go on for more than a few minutes. If she wasn't interested in her kid wrecking the place, you should have put a stop to it - it is YOUR apartment!
  • YOU WERE RIGHT, they were wrong!!! Good for you for not keeping your mouth shut.
  • You are, without doubt, absolutely right. It doesn't matter if it's a child or an adult, you don't go to someone else's home, trash it and then leave. I have a 6 year old and I wouldn't dream of letting him make a huige mess in someone else's house. If he did make a mess, then I would make him clear up after himself. If he broke things he would have to apologise and I would pay to replace anything broken. She's not much of a friend if she was offended by your request! We had a similar situation when a friend came over with her 5 year old who threw baseballs at our TV, while she and her husband just sat there and said nothing. My husband just about lost it, yelled at the kid and told the parents they would get a bill for the TV if there was any damage! they haven't been over since!
  • Good for you for havng the courage to speak up! And how rude of your friend for not cleaning up the mess BEFORE being asked to!
  • hey you were right.i too have asked my friend once and she did not like it. but we are friends even today. you have to stand up for things that are right.
  • When my son was young and always creating messes at friend's houses I would always clean up and replace anything he might break. It is the right thing to do. If she wants her kid to trash a place then they should just stay at their own home.
  • You were completely right, and if she chooses not to set standard, and discipline her child you need to sit her down and explain that she can come visit but if she cant control her child then she needs to come alone, i have been through it, and my friend now visits alone...9x out of 10 she is aware of her unruly child
  • You were totally right in asking your friend (?) to clean up her son's mess. I've had various children in my home, but I refuse to let them mess my place up. I ask them nicely at first to 'stop', if that doesn't work, my voice gets more authorative and I tell them to stop. Sometimes the parent gets upset..if they don't come back, o well.
  • I would have asked her to clean it AND replace the things he broke and then told her to never bring him over again!
  • Sound like you need better friends, I couldn't imagine anyone being so inconsiderate. She should probably take a parenting class.
  • Of course, it depends upon the tone of voice you used when you asked, but it sounds as though she's really insensitive to others or a bit of a moron.
  • I think she should have offered...you shouldn't have had to ask. Actually, she should have kept her son under control - then the issue wouldn't have even come up.
  • omg. well good for u. iw ould of told her. u have the right its ur place ur rules. she didnt pay for your stuff. and for her to not stop him thats wrong. even if she got offended. she should be able to stop her child from braking other peoples stuff and making a huge mess. u stood ur ground good job!
  • I see nothing unreasonable about your request.
  • You should be the one offended, not your friend.
  • Your request was 100% valid. She even should have offered and even offered to replace the broken objects. The only reason she should be offended (but not that much) was if you said it rudely, which I assume you didn't. If she cannot control her own son, or even clean up after him as a good parent would, she should not be in your apartment and maybe not even a mother.
  • You had every right to request she clean up the mess, as parents are the ones solely responsible for the actions of their children until they reach the age of 18, last time I checked. She had no right whatsoever to be offended and she should have offered to clean up the mess before you even asked.
  • I think you were right to tell her to clean it up. It's your house and it was her child's mess so she should have been responsible and told him to clean it up cuz it's not really nice to make a mess in other people's houses, espically if you invite them over. But yeah, I honestly think you were right to do that
  • You should have said, "My house is off limits until you clean it up." It doesn't matter if she was offended or not, she shouldn't have let that happen. Playtime is over.
  • Not only would I tell her to pick up her son mess, but to pay for all the stuff he broke too.
  • You should have told the child to clean it up. Your friend must have serious problems if she thinks its alright for her child to make a mess at someone else's house. I certainly would'nt invite her over again after something like that- next time she talks to you, make sure you let how know how upset you were over the incident. That child needs to be disciplined.
  • You were correct. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your friendship with this person. She obviously has no control over her child.
  • you are not out of line by asking that of your friend. I can't believe that at 6 she is letter her son run around someone else's house messing it up like that. I dont think i would invite those two over again!
  • You shouldn't have toaskher to clean up the mess. Anybody whois respectful of others would automatically do that. If it were me I would've cleaned up the mess and offered to pay for any damages.
  • She can leave her son with a sitter or go to her house - that way he can terrorize someone else. I'm offended of her actions just reading this.
  • You were right. I have a rule that when my friends stop by with their children, they know ahead of time, that if there is a mess, their child better take care of it... They always make sure it is done. If they didn't I would tell them that I am sorry but I live a certain way and if they can't adapt to that then they shouldn't stop by.
  • if there is a next time,then the park is the best place to meet.never in your house again.if your friend insist on going at your house,just disolve this friendship.
  • And people ask me why I dislike little kids. It was totally OK for you to ask for at least a little help in cleaning up the mess the child made, and it was totally not OK for her to scoff at that. That's not raising a child properly.
  • You were right, and I know how you feel, this has happened to me on several occasions and I just thought one day, my own child not allowed to do this, why should another child come in and wreck my stuff, the reaction why I make a comment was one of shock and to be honest it is months since they came back to visit, but it is my home and I have boundaries, and it is not nice to allow your child to behave like this, all your doing is saying it is ok to wreck other people's property, so I say good for you.
  • I think the only thing you did wrong was not speak up sooner. That child should never have been allowed to make the messes and break things to begin with! If the mother was mad...so be it! She is no smarter then the 6 yr. old
  • you were right your friend should teach her child some manners because if he stays like this it tells him that his mother has no control over him what so ever. He can do as he pleases.
  • Something is horribly offensive--I'm pretty sure that it was your friend's behavior. I can't tell you what to do, but she would not be invited back to my home.
  • You would have been right if you asked for her "help". She would have been boorish had she refused.
  • YOU WERE RIGHT TO ASK HER...BUT YOU SHOULD OF TOLD HER SON TO CLEAN IT UP BECAUSE HE IS AT AN AGE WHERE HE CAN CLEAN UP BEHIND HIMSELF. IF SHE WANT TO COME OVER AGAIN MAKE SURE YOU ARE CLEAR THAT THE LITTLE BOY IS NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH CERTAIN THINGS AND THE MOTHER SHOULD BRING ITEMS FOR HIM TO PLAY WITH WHILE VISITING
  • I don't think that you were wrong to ask her to clean it up. It was her son who made the mess. She should learn how to tell her son to behave when they go to visit people.
  • I think if your friend was really a friend, the friend would had cleaned up her child's mess. It is the right thing to do. If I had a child and made a mess somewhere, I would clean up after them or have the child clean up their mess. It wasn't wrong of you to ask her.
  • no you have every right to ask for that child to clean up the mess they made it teaches them responsibility for their actions and the parent should also be apologectic as well if they have gone and broken things as well and have them repaired or replaced as well. As she did nothing to teach her child what being a very well behaved child at someones house means she is being the instigator to rearing up a very disrespectful child in the long run who will think this is ok to do at anyones house. My children who I have 3 of aged 7,5 & 4 all have gone to my mother n law to be house for the first time for chrissy they were given the cermon before they went and they behaved beautifully as they are disciplined and are learning the right way of being at someones house and if they did muck up they would be punished for it too. So no its your place and your right to tell the parent that if that child cant behave in future then they are not welcomed at your home and if she takes offence to that then shes not the friend you need.
  • People are fully responsible for the actions of their children and pets. Otherwise, don't choose to have them! So it's no different than if your friend messed up your apartment herself. Because she was offended by your request, you now know how irresponsible she really is, and what to expect any time she comes over. Live and learn. So now you know, and now YOU can choose whether to have her over again or not. From now on the choice is yours!
  • You were absolutely right to ask. And she was a real jerk for not apologizing and getting offended instead. I would not invite her over again, but perhaps meet in another location where you don't have to clean up after her little storm.
  • You were right to ask, and next time you'd be even MORE right to ask her before she comes over. Say "The last time you were here you left a huge mess that took me a while to clean up, and frankly, it wasn't very nice. If you come over again, would you agree to clean up after yourself?" If she's going to act just as badly as her child, then you should treat her with polite requests and discipline, just like a little child.
  • you r right. if i was u i would of said something too. i wouldn't want somebody to tear up my stuff things cost money.
  • You were right to ask her to help clean up anything otherwise would be irresponsible.
  • She might have been offended, but you certainly did the right thing. What you described is totally unacceptable and should not be tolerated. There are limits and boundaries that every parent has to set within the home. When these limits are non-existant, it is no surprise for the child to act as he or she does when they visit.
  • you were right. she needs to think of others and control her child. they'll have no respect for anyone or anything otherwise. how woudl she had felt in your shoes?
  • no you had every right
  • the kids mom should of have stop him.no offence but,shame on her.
  • She obviously lacks manners and therefore her 6-year-old has no role model..don't invite them back again. She is uneducated when it comes to respecting others and their property. If she was very offended, then she is not your friend. You are the one who was damaged and she is too self-involved to even realize that! :)
  • Are you kidding me? You had complete right to ask them to clean up their child's mess. Just like I tell my brother: when he has friends over and they make a mess, he has to clean it up even though he didn't make it because his friend is his responsibility. I'm thinking this woman is a b---- because if you go to your friend's house with a kid, you don't let them just break your friends stuff, that's just rude. Your friend has bad parenting skills and needs to take responsibility of her child.
  • If you invited them both, then you may have been at fault. Especially if the child has a reputation for being such a little monster. Next time, visit at a park or some where safe.
  • You have the right too. Infact you shouldn't have had to ask. I'm proud of you for having the nerve to ask. My sister-in-law brings over her 2 boys to play with my 2 boys (all under 4 years old, They end up destroying my house and she doesn't volunteer to help clean up, but when i bring my boys to her house. I always try to help pick up. I avoid asking because i don't think i should have to, and to keep from causing problems. ~i'm too passive~
  • personally, i think you should not have to say clean up the mess she should at least volunteer to clean it. I am sure she did not even offer to replace what the child broke. you are not wrong to ask but she probably feels ashamed so thats why she probably acted wrong and strong.
  • You are way nicer than me. I would have drug her away from her child and asked her to leave I would try not to bring up her terrible parenting i guess
  • i think it was the rite thing to do she shouldnt have been offended she should have been embarsed!!!!!u were rite to ask her to clean up!!!and she should have cleaned up AND APPOLOGIZED!

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