ANSWERS: 24
  • Another opening a can of worms question. . . This is, as has already been said, very tough. Your mother should not impose her prejudices on you. If she chooses not to date a black guy that's her business and if you choose to date one, that is yours. However, while you are under her roof and a minor (IF that is the case) disobeying your mother is not a good thing. In other words, if you are going to disobey her, pick your battles carefully and don't throw it in her face as a "rebel with a cause" argument to get your way. Talk with her, ask her why she forbids you to date blacks (or any other groups of people). Keep your cool no matter how upsetting her answer is. Express that you do not agree that interracial dating is a bad thing and that you would like to date guys based on who they are and not what color/ethnicity/nationality/et cetera. Tell her that it was her choice to not date a black guy, but that doesn't mean it has to be yours. See how she responds. Who knows, if you are calm and adult about it, she might come around. Unfortunately, I doubt it, but you can say you tried to respect her wishes, but simply could not agree with her. No matter how much we try to hide things from our parents and how well we do it. . .there is always the chance that she will find out if you date him in secret. Prepare yourself for that ahead of time so that you can discuss it with her rather than argue. Or you could brush it off and just say he's a friend and continue the deception. I often found that when my parents forbid me from doing something, there was a good reason for it. I can't see that in this case. Prejudice justifies nothing. Good for you in not sharing your mother's unfortunate views. Best of luck and I hope this helps.
  • date him secretly and never tell your mother while under her roof.
  • date him and see for yourself if he is right for you or not and if it turns out bad please don't blame all of us for 1 man's mistakes.
  • This is one of those issues where your best course of action is to try your hardest to prove that you are a grown up, capable of making responsible decisions, rather than a child who throws their toys out of the pram and does things JUST because they are forbidden. I realise you probably feel like shouting and screaming at your mother about how much of a bigot she's being, and in a sense, that's perfectly understandable. But: it's unlikely to actually get you anywhere. Neither is going behind her back- instead of looking at the issue for what it is, she will concentrate on the fact that you disobeyed her, and if anything you may well deepen her prejudices by making her think that the poor black guy in question somehow "led you astray". Instead, your best course of action is to pick your moment carefully- when she's calm, perhaps over the evening meal. In a non-judgemental way, just ask her why she feels inter-racial dating is wrong. Ask if she ever knew a white girl who dated a black guy in the past and whether it turned out badly (often prejudices are irrationally based on a single evnt in someone's past that leads them to lead all of a certain group with the same brush). Re-assure her that you aren't about to disobey her rules whilst you live at home, but you do feel like you should be given some kind of explanation. Voice your own side of the argument calmly, making your points sensibly and trying not to lose your temper. Point out how many highly successful black statesmen, leaders, religious figures, actors, writers etc there have been, give as many examples as you can to help to challenge her stereotype. You might also want to ask her how she will react if once you leave her home and her control you begin to date, have a relationship with, or even marry a black guy? This might make her think a little more about what she's asking of you. You may well not change her mind, but this is your best hope of getting her to reconsider. Good luck, I hope you have some success. If not, take heart in the fact that it won't be long before you're free to make your own mind up about who you date.
  • Well, I'm kind of in a similar situation. I'm Catholic and my partner is Muslim. We have completely different backgrounds and traditions. The appraoch I took was just letting my Mom know that this guy and I are just friends. Then every time I would have a chance to sit and chat with her, I would mention something great about this guy. I would tell her how he made me feel good about something or how he helped me solve a problem I was having or how he's always there when I need him. Little by little, here and there I would hint to her that this person (that's totally different from us) can make me feel so good. I tried to make her see him through my eyes without being forceful. I never imposed him on her. I didn't want her to feel too uncomfortable with it so I wouldn't elaborate too much. I will never change her mind about her beliefs that inter racial relationships are wrong but, I have been able to have her accept certain things that she wouldn't have before. Maybe your thinking it's to late for all of this because you already told your Mom that u want to be with him, in that case, soften up on it. Tell her that it's not 100% written in stone that you want to be with this person but that chances are he could be for you and she should be willing to give him a chance. Try not to argue with your mother about it, that will only aggrevate her and make her stick by her word more than anything. I hope this helps. Good luck!
  • It is sad she worries about someone's race. Would she rather you date a man that is the same color that beats you than a black man that doesn't? There is so much in this world to worry about, if you dating a black guy is the "worst" thing you do in your life she should be thankful. Besides, mixed kids are cute.
  • This article may help you to deal with disapproving friends and family. "As a child you were probably told that it is important to stand up for what you believe in, however, this idea can often be thrown right out the window when it comes to a family objecting to your interracial relationship. You, however, need to evaluate why your family is objecting to your relationship, and if it is based solely on race, you need to take a stand." Continue reading here: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/519423/dealing_with_a_family_that_doesnt_approve.html
  • If you're over 18, date him. If you're under 18 and living under her roof, you do what she says because she is the boss. After you're on your own, you can date who you please.
  • Seeing as you had to ASK someone what you should do, you're probably not ready to make this kind of decision or handle the responsibility a decision of this nature incurs. Follow Mom's advice.
  • Date him! If you live with your Mum, meet away from home. If your Mum asks why your present date never pick you up at home tell her the truth, adding that you respect her views so you will not embarrass her bringing him home. Eventually your mum will be intrigued and will want to meet him.
  • 4 steps I think will help you. 1. Acquire a frozen fish. 2. Raise fish high above your head. 3. Slap mother across the face with said frozen fish. 4. Date black guy.
  • Jennifer, it's several months later. Did you date him?
  • I can see the point of sticking with your own race in this way. I don't think its a racist thing. I wish I could articulate my thoughts on this better, but while its not "wrong" to date someone of a different color I understand where your mom comes from.
  • well i am a 17 year old white female and i have been with my black boyfriend for over two years at first my dad was livid and emotionally abused me but i stood my ground because i was so drawn to my bf and knew there wuz sumthing there...opinions on this topic do change my dad is very fond of my boyfriend now and they get along very well...he has learned to be color blind he learned that just because his ckin was a diffrent color didnt mean he was a bad guy...if u really like this guy go for it and pray god doesnt give u anything that u cannot handle
  • Listen to your mother until you are old enough to live on your own. Then you can do what you want to do.
  • Ask her why. If she doesn't give you a good answer to why not, than call her a racist. The fact that mom says "you're not allowed to date a black guys" says it all. She's racist. She's no better than Hitler.
  • bring him over for dinner and put your parents in a uncomfortable position. they will get over it
  • If the only reason she gives is because he is black then date this guy behind your mums back as at the end of the day only you can make yourself happy not your mum
  • If you are a minor/living in her house you may have to abide by her rules. If you are not allowed to and you and this person genuinely care for one another...wait. It will happen and it may be at a better opportune time. Also if you are not allowed to 'date' this person but you are able to have conversations/letters etc with them you will be able to develop a deeper relationship just by getting to know each other. Many times the physical aspects of a relationship hinder us from getting to 'KNOW' the person.
  • 2nd Kings 5, Leviticus 13-15, and Numbers 12
  • i'll tell her that it's normal for making a interracial dating. i know a interracial dating site, http://www.blackwhiteconnect.com, ppl there treat others well and seems that thay have the same skin. so i don't think there r some problems with interracial dating.
  • A lot of people are telling you that because you are under her roof you have to follow all her rules. Practical rules and the ones that apply to your safety yes. Date this guy you are interested in but let him know upfront your mother does not approve and that you two may have to be careful. He may end up being the love of your life and a great guy. Take a chance. There are a lot of people who did not and they are in long term marriages /relationships of convenience or for the kids and there is no love and passion there.
  • date him anyways and if she dont like it thats her problem
    • Linda Joy
      I'm pretty sure she's an adult by now this question was probably posted 10 years or more ago.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy