ANSWERS: 100
  • Ask her why she lied to you and then tell her the truth about how many women you had sex with
  • You accept the fact that she came clean with you and try to find out why she concealed the true number in the first place. She was probably afriad of your scorn or disapproval and now that she is your wife, she has opened up to you honestly. Did you ask her how many men she was with before you married her? Were you looking for a virgin? If so, you knew that she wasn't. Personally, if she lied about virginity that would be kind of bad.
  • Nothing. What's past is past and you're with her now, so it shouldn't matter.
  • If she is a good wife and you trust her and she isn't a constant liar then forgive her and leave it in the past. She can't change it and neither can you. I'm sure there are things in your past that you are ashamed of and you would want her to forgive you. If you love her just forget about it and never bring it up again. She is obiviously embarrassed by her past actions. I wouldn't trow away a good marrige over one lie.
  • I would tell her that it doesn't matter how many men she had slept with in the past. I would ask her what she thought I might say if she told me the truth out-right? I would tell her I still love her. I would thank her for telling me the truth, and sharing something so personal with me... it is a HUGE deal that she told you that she had been raped. She has just broken down one of her walls and trusted you with this information.
  • okay the truth is out. Leave this alone. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters now is the present and future. Now if she slept with a man now...well then that counts. NOT PAST!!!
  • helllo dr.snavely i don´t think your wife slept with 12 men but she tell you this for another reason,(...) i´ll tell you later!
  • for her to admit this to you might have to do more with the rape than anything else....the 12 might have been the number of men...I would lovingly sit her down and ask her if she needs to see a counsellor. I think this is more about her psychiatric health than about your wounded pride. :-)
  • AS long as those guys are in the past, let them be in the past. Tell her you love and live for the now.
  • Appreciate the fact that it bothered her enough that she told you. That is a sign that she loves you so much, that she wants to maintain honesty with you. Even to the extent that she would clear away past lies in order to rid your relationship with her of any secrets. You are more blessed than I think you realize. It would seem to me that you have a good woman. You should thank her, and be happy.
  • I think you should forget about it. As long as she's not sleeping with anyone while she's with you I don't see what the big deal is and you obviously seem to love her very much. Just hold onto that love and try and forgive her for her lie.
  • It doesn't really matter, just find out why she lied, help her if she needs it. Perhaps she just didn't want you to think badly of her and was scared to lose you. Or, if it's something deeper, then help her or get help for her.
  • ...And SHE really loves YOU to open up to you like that. Did you think that was easy for her? Stop judging and move on, WITH her.
  • Dr. Snavley, you have not signed on to AB in over a month. Did you and your wife have a fight? Did you hit her or kill her and end up in jail?
  • Was it out of the blue? I don't understand what the motive would be, unless she is currently being unfaithful. Maybe it made her feel better, but I don't see how it would benefit you.
  • Was it out of the blue? I don't understand what the motive would be, unless she is currently being unfaithful. Maybe it made her feel better, but I don't see how it would benefit you.
  • it doesn't matter how many there were before you. what matters is whether or not there are more now that she's with you. about changing her story, i imagine she wanted to give you a lower number because she was afraid you'd think less of her. reassure her.
  • She is your wife, so it's too late to look back now. I would get to the bottom of why she lied to you about it in the first place and make it clear that you should be open with each other in the relationship. Forgive but don't forget.
  • Not. One. Damned. Thing. 1.) Past is done gone and over. 2.) 12 isn't all that many, in the big picture. It's only a concern cause "nice girls don't" social nonsense. 3.) Goomba, she chose YOU over the other 12. That's all that matters.
  • then what is buggin you exactly? if you really love her that matter shouldn't been brought up in the first place.. she lied? well, maybe she was afraid of telling you the truth and thought that she might disappoint you and make it change whatever you feels for her. just talk to her that honesty should always be in both of you and things that bothers each one of you should be settle once and for all without hiding anything.. and in return each one should be broad minded with each topics you were about to discuss.. and things will get in fine..
  • if they were all before you were married then do nothing, her present with you is more important than her past with them.
  • In the Immortal words of my friend, Funsince1982, "Build a bridge and get over it." If she's faithful now, and you love her, who cares what happened before?
  • You should put your arms around her and say "I don't care. I love you and you're with me now. And that's all that matters." Just let the past be the past and move on. I do think she needs to seek some counciling to just do a check up and make sure all's clear. Rape is the most violent crime the victem survives. And it does make women do some really self-destructive stuff after, like be promiscuous to try to regain contol of the power she lost.
  • As long as this happened before you and you wife were married, it shouldn't matter in the least. Just as some men tend to exaggerate their "number', women will tend to lower theirs (sometimes significantly). Here's a good calculation: take the woman's "official' number, multiply that by eight and then subtract the total number of years she had been single. Once you arrive at that figure, add 3 to 7 depending on how much partying she did in college. If she did no partying and does not drink, you can skip the last step. But I still say you shouldn't worry about it as long as she's been faithful to you : ) (also, please be advised there is no scientific evidence, logic or anything else about the above calculation. It was mean in jest, so don't break out the calculator. However, I truly believe that most women have likely slept with about twice as many men as they are willing to tell their partners. Just my opinion.
  • what should you do?i think that you and your wife should agree to stop bringing up that subject.no more guilt,and no more of these past experiences dialogues. forget about them,they were before you met.re-hashing these things is not beneficial to your marriage.
  • Maybe she was scared to tell you because she does not trust your reaction after she told you, and also she does not want to hurt your feelings. But, I guess she loves you and wanted to come clean with you and also clear her conscience so she told you the truth. If you both love each other what does it matter? Put the past behind you and move forward. If you continue to dwell on this, you will eventually ruin or destroy your relationship with her.
  • Look at what's important here. Why didn't she tell you? Most likely because she thought you would think less of her. Was she right? If so, why would you think less? That's more of an issue to me than the amount of guys she's been with.
  • Tell her you appreciate her honesty.
  • In a strong relationship, intimacy just grows and grows over time. I've been with my man for 15 years, and painful or embarassing things from the past have slowly been shared with him - not all at once. You don't just say "Hey, we're getting married, here is a list of all the crap I've done". It doesn't mean I don't trust him. It just means that I didn't want to talk about it and/or it didn't affect him. If you knew everything about her back then, you wouldn't have had anything to discover. How boring that would be! She loves you, she shared, leave it at that.
  • Say and do nothing. You have some good answers here. What about your sexual history? Love her and get on with it. You are a lucky man to have a woman who trusts you enough to share herself with you.
  • She had her virginity taken from her by a rapist. That changes a person in more ways than you can imagine. She probably came clean to you about the number of men she's been with because she hasn't fully healed from the first one. She's looking for help. Talk to her and try to convince her to get temporary therapy. Rape is a difficult case and should be handled by a professional. She trusted you enough to tell you because she wants you to help her. The best way you could help her is by taking her hand and leading her to a professional for counseling. It's been too long already. Maybe she's finally ready to take the next step towards healing.
  • Sounds like your wife is the same woman you married. What has changed? Are you still married? Does she still act as though you are the only man in her life? Do you still feel as strongly toward her as you did before she told you this? If so, then find something else to worry about, not this. Your marriage wasn't based on the quantity or quality of her previous experience any more than it was based on your own experience. Accept her the way she is...which is what you have been doing all along.
  • Tell her that you really love her.
  • Well first, how many people she has slept with doesn't matter. She's still the same woman you fell in love with and MARRIED. Unless those numbers grew WHILE you were married, you have nothing to worry about. On the flip side, she shouldn't have lied to you. Tell her that you find it dishonest, and that you don't appreciate her lying. Then get over it, because that number will NEVER change.
  • I could see how it might affect trust, but in reality the only thing that matters is who many people is she sleeping with now... that reminds, I met this girl in a club and she gave me a BJ, then after she was done she told me I was number 50! ouch... I hope it was 50 total and not that night!
  • Nothing as it is her past! i had this with my partner and it gets quite boring after awhile, how would you feel if the boot was on the other foot and she got upset over your past? thing is it wouldnt happen women arn't like that...it does seem to be men that have this problem and its so caveman material! love her and move on :D
  • Gie her a giant bear hug. Tell her you love her. Tell her that she never fear telling you anything, because you love her.
  • You should just say...oh..you should or could have told me that..i am SORRY that i made you feel like you coouldn't talk to me
  • Unless she is still sleeping with any of them, I don't see that you should do anything other than continue to love her and respect her honesty and trust in you.
  • I think it is possible that she really liked you and didn't want you to judge her before you got to know her, many people would. As long as she is the woman you believe she is...I would forgive her. It is her past.
  • Let it go. What does it matter now that she's with you?
  • If you can forgive three, you can forgive twelve. What you should say is "I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't trust me with the truth. Thank you for telling me now. I still love you, I will always love you." Then buy her flowers and dinner, and tell her that you're glad she's all yours now, and make her glad she's with you, not someone else.
  • Wasn't it Lady Macbeth who said "What's done canst be undone." None of us can erase our pasts..we can only accept each other for the present.
  • How many did you tell her you slept with and would you expect her to not love you anymore or make a difference if it were more than what you told her?
  • i dont see how it should make any differnce to you wheather it be 12 or 120 guys that she slept with the point is that she chose you as her husband and she married you because she loves you. if i was you i would not make such a big deal about it.
  • Whats past is past she wasn't with you and cannot change it and irregardless she is who she is and you say you love her so therefore whats done is done does she know how many women you have "honestly" had and would it matter that much to her?
  • Just let it go and move on , I'm sure you have a secret or two -- Have a happy marriage let it go
  • AGAIN PEOPLE.........THE PAST IS NOT THE PAST.......IT REFLECTS GREATLY ON A POTENTIAL MATE'S VALUES, CHARACTER AND MORALS. IF A POTENTIAL MATE IS A LIAR HE/SHE WILL ALWAYS BE A LIAR. LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT ON TRUST, HONESTY AND LOVE.........YOU PEOPLE SHOULD TRY REMOVING YOUR HEADS FROM YOUR ASSES. PRINCESS..........IF A POTENTIAL MATE HAS SLEPT WITH 12/13 MEN I DON'T WANT HER AS A WIFE BECAUSE I CONSIDER HER A SLUT....MY LIFE AND MY JUDGEMENT.....AND IF SHE LIES ABOUT HER PAST AND I MARRY HER I'D DIVORCE HER AS SOON AS I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH.
  • Accept it. Every woman is so afraid that the man she loves will judge her, and think shes a bad person. Honestly, many women lie about it at least once. I lied about it to my fiance, but when I finally told him, he understood as to why I kept it from him. Understanding and communication can either make or break a relationship. Try to understand where she's coming from. You love her for who she is, not what she did when she was young. Shes in love with you now. Shes faithful to you now. Thats all that matters. She loves you. Always remember that.
  • Why do you think you should say or do anything? The past is the past, and she didn't have a commitment to you then. The lying about it is the only potential problem that I see, and that is deeply personal, the cause of a lot of judgmental attitudes, and pretty understandable about why she lied. I will agree that she should have simply not told you any answer rather than lying; however, I have no idea if you ever asked or pressed for the information from her. I won't even call her past a mistake. It is simply the past, we all have one, and it is best to deal with it and move on.
  • Nothing really. As long as it wasn't like, 20+. If she lied about the rape, you should tell her that it was unecessary to make up something like that considering that rape is an extremely serious situation.
  • WTF....nothing dude!!! it dosen't matter any more. So she lied...she married you and unless she's cheating on you I wouldn't worry about it!!! If you really love her(which I'm sure you do)... you would just let it go. Maybe she told you the truth because she TRUST in you and TRUST is one of the atributes of LOVE. And I hope she's ok with you saying that she got raped because thats a little personal. I'd be pertty pist dude...=)
  • Nothing. Who cares what she did before you were married? You love her, you married her. Be happy!
  • What Highlander said
  • Be glad she was real with you, she prob. felt secure enuf in the relationship and you and what you dont do is use it for ammunition next argument.so..dont do anything,just love her,shes with you, where her heart is now that matters.
  • What would you have done if it was 76? Would that be any different? Would you love her less? Would you love her more if you had been her 1st? I think you should keep on loving her as much as you did before, she is still the same person.
  • I'm not sure why it makes a difference how many men she slept with before you, as long as she's sleeping with only you right now. It's entirely possible that part of the reason she told you only 3 because she was ashamed of how many men she'd been with and didn't want you to think less of her at the time she told you. However, now that you're married she feels comfortable and confident enough in your relationship to come clean about it. You should be happy that she loves you and is with you now :)
  • Get over it!
  • Doctor... think of the reason you married her... Those dozen guys before you helped her become a better lover. They taught her how to be the vixen in the bedroom that you like so much. You should find them all and give them a hearty handshake because you got her now and they don't.
  • does it really matter? Really? So what. She had her life before you and vice versa. Why are you worrying over things that happened before you were around - it has nothing to do with you (and why she told you is beyond me). As for what to do, well, there is nothing that you can do (even if you wanted to) because......it's in the past, over and done with never to be visited again. It does not matter about the past (hers or yours) you love her, now, in the present. So enjoy loving her - you cannot pass judgement over her past life in which you were not involved at all. What matters to you, is now. You do not have to love her past to love her in the present. Forget it. There are some things in life worth worrying over and this, is not one of them.
  • Nothing.
  • She may have slept with many. but she ended up with you. that is love, that is what matters. telling you the truth after sometime without worrying of consequences is trust she has in you. she's "the one". she's your queen. Tell her that you love her more for sharing the secret.
  • I wouldn't care so much about the how many part (and especially since it was in the past) as I would be concerned about the dishonesty part.. Why would she lie about it and would she lie about other things as well... I'd be wondering if there are any other skeletons in the closet...
  • As long as none of them are after you got together, I say praise her for her owning up and move on.....with her.
  • This is probably one of THE WORST conversations to have with a loved one...it's in the past it doesn't matter and it doesn't have anything to do with how much you love each other. it's an ugly topic, one that should NOT be addressed...why would you ask? if you asked she obviously thought you would be upset if her answer wasn't the 'correct' one so she told you what she thought you needed to hear to avoid a problem. don't know why she fessed up now...
  • Bad subject to talk about, if you are not prepared for the truth, whatever it may be. How many people have you been with? If it is close to the same amount then I think you can let the subject go on that basis.
  • No matter what the other people say - The important thing, to you, is your wife lied to you! That seriously hurt! Didn't it? If you had lied to her what would she be doing to you right now? If she told you 12 do you think it's more like 20? I have to say women are the world's best liars...They can look you straight in the eye and lie. Then, she says later it was to protect you. The thing is before you entered into a marriage she should have told you. It's about HONESTY and it's extremely important. You probably would have dealt with HONESTY better than a LIE FOR YOUR PROTECTION. Women are also artists about half-truths. Meaning they tell you something but leave themselves a way out (like a manipulative child) "I slept with 12 guys BUT the first one raped me". Her first described incident was to give her a way-out. This way you would feel bad for her-it's an excuse for the other 12 that would bring the attention back to her---OH POOR BABY! Just ask her to tell you the truth and show her before she does that you love her and you can deal with it like a man!!!!
  • If you are going to condition your love on her past then you should have thought about that before you married her and maybe had her background investigated. If you wanted a virgin you should have pursued one. Quit being so provencial and just let it go moron. Her past is her past. You don't own her dumb ass.
  • First of all your married right. What does it matter how many people she was with. She told you the truth now and none of those people were while married to you right, if that's so then in all honesty she devoted the rest of her life to you when you both made that commitment. I understand being hurt because she lied however. That was then and not now so does it really play a role in the relationship as it stands now???What's more important, her or her past?
  • i would express my disdain for her dishonesty, but id thank her for her honesty and obviously not punish her for telling you the truth. i understand it hurts though, and i think you have the right to find it at least a bit disconcerting.
  • I think its okay man. I do know that a "woman" is not going to tell a man how many guys she slept with in first few months. they don't want us men to think that they are sluts or whores. ok Just like us men, we don't tell them the number of women that we have slept with, you know, thats the past and we all have one. Thats good that you love her, that is all she wants anyway, is to be loved. so just tell her "thats ok" and that you love her. alright bud.
  • She just did not want you to think bad of her hey this was before you How many women had you slept with before your wife It is more likely she slept with guys she felt cared about her she was honest with you in the end that counts alot it means that it bothered her that she lied she could have kept it at 3 don't ask questions you don't want real answers to and don't hold the truth against her all women don't lie but some know some men will think different of them by thinking another girl they know who is not like like little do they know that girl is likely much worse best wishes and much respect to your wife for keeping it real
  • I would say, "so what." Why does it matter?
  • Depends. What do you WANT to say or do? You're the same two people you were before you were told this stuff. I really don't see why it matters.
  • Why do you care? Why would you even want to know? This a very dumb question asked by men all over the world. do you think all women just sit around and wait for the one they are with to come along....dead before she met you right? You sound like a control freak to me and if she asked my opinion on your behaviour I'd tell her to leave you in a hurry. If you wanted a virgin your should have looked for one..duh.
  • As long as she's disease-free and hasn't slept with anyone else since the two of you got together, what difference does it make? The way I see it, she doesn't have to answer to you for things she did before she ever met you, to begin with...
  • it doesnt matter how many ppl she has slept with. The reason she didnt tell you in the beginning is because she was probably afraid that you would judge her and that you would leave her. Do not judge her! Just accept that she is with you now, and move on with your life!
  • If she didn't sleep with any of the 12 while she was with you- do nothing! It's not a big deal unless she has STDs and she's lying to you about those.
  • sometimes truth hurts but love is it all!!
  • What happened before you met her shouldn't matter at all (except maybe the rape). Even then, if it took you a while to become a "committed couple", then it shouldn't matter until then. Just keep on loving her. ;-)
  • Well the only tjing O would ask YOU, is,"How many girls did you sleep with or mess with before yopu meet her and fell in love with her??????". Its no big thing my friend, Just love her for who she is and grow old with her ad love her the rest of her life as you do now.
  • Why in the world do people place so much importance on who or how many someone was with before they even knew you existed? What is important is the here and now and the fact that they are now with you. That's why I have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to past relationships..not only do they not matter, but quite frankly, it's no one's business but mine.
  • Are you kidding??? Neither of you should be discussing your past sex lives, or partners! Focus on each other. It will only cause friction in the future. And, besides, why does it matter? You can still experience new things together.
  • I personally would leave her. She obviously keeps things from you...and trust is more important then most things. By the way 12 is a lot...and if your the type that sleeps around you shouldnt be replying to this guys marriage life. I would find out if she is your soulmate first tho.. Hypnosis can tell you that =D
  • listen brother...after doing everything, she told u the truth.thats soo difficult, but she has a good amount of guts...forgive her...and give her a lot of love,she will surely realise her fault... There is an old saying also-let the dogs bark.when they realise that they r useless the realise that they are....if u understand this then its kk..else understand my own words.... don't let the woman go....
  • There's nothing you can do regarding past experience. Maybe she lied to you b4. But maybe she's afraid of losing you before because if you hear it's 12 for the first time, you might freak out. So she had to take time 2 tell you the truth. Never fera, since she did not cheat u after marriage, you should forget and ask her not 2 bring this subject up again. You do really love her, yes? Don't spoil your world man.
  • Dude. She finally told you something that was unpleasant and that took a lot of courage. Think about it...she was not proud of that fact and sharing it now means she is looking for acceptance and forgiveness from you. Try to overlook the fact that it was her past not yours. Don't judge her life by the # of partners. Make this a positive event and by all means don't ask for details about the exes. It will only torment you. Give her points for being honest and love her more for it. She sounds like a keeper...besides 12 is not a lot by today's standards.
  • hey,as long as it will be just 12 and you.no more 13th and 14th in the future.she lied to you because shes afraid she might lose you if you will know the truth..shes afraid to lose you because she loves you..
  • The fact that she had a past isn't the issue -- the fact that she lied might be an issue, though. Why did she lie? It's one thing if she lied to spare your feelings or because she felt guilty, but it's another thing to lie simply for selfish reasons.
  • You should never really talk in depth about your past and neither should she. You cannot have jealousy of what has been and gone, before you were even her fella. Jealousy like this will only push the other partner away. Get used to it, make peace with the fact that she is with you now. 12 isn't even lots. Be strong dude, it's history. good luck
  • The rest of these people think you should move on.... WELL I DON'T!!!!! The bitch lied to you dude. The reason that you are pissed is because it doesn't make you feel special knowing that your wife was a slut. I a mean come on....12 guy!!! Thats a lot man. For a women to have had that many sexual partners means that she really likes sex. I would keep a close eye on her in the future. She might be craving some other guys penis. And you have to think about this question. Does she think about other guys when you two are hooking up? ANGRY OPTION #1 Here is what I would do to even the score. I would put an add on craigslist, searching for a hot girl to have a threesome with. Tell her thats the only way you will forgive her. They would be my decision. If she wasn't down with that, DIVORCE! NICER OPTION #2 Ask her what she thinks she should do to make things ok again. That is NOT ok. I am sorry, but if my wife told me that, I would spit in her face and get a divorce!
  • This was all before she met you right??? Forget about it, do nothing and have a happy marriage!!!!
  • haha wow!!! ive heard of streching the truth but there is an enormis difference between 3 and 12. love as you may i highly doubt this is the only thing she has lied about. but whats in the past is in the past. not that this one incident is unfogivable. but personally this would make me question every word that comes out of her mouth. especially since she continued to look you in the eye and lie to you for years thoughout your courtship, engagement, and marriage. i would question why she just now decided to reveal this to you. or why she told you at all!!
  • I wouldn't wory about it but jsut kick back and enjoy the benefit of what they have taught her
  • Why does it matter?
  • What makes you think that THIS is true? What happens if 30--becomes the new 12? Or 50? Or 75? Sounds like "trust" in this relationship is taking a SERIOUS butt-whooping!!!
  • Say noting , do nothing...if she doesn't have any diseases, what's the big deal?
  • Females will usually lie on that subject so I try not to ask that as I would never beleive them no matter what they say on that subject
  • It's in the past. My bf and I know each other's number of partners and it wasn't zero for either of us.
  • The lying is not good, but if you really love her, then tell her you do and forgive her. I think she was just trying to make herself more desirable to you. She's with you now. If the marriage is otherwise good, then this little indiscretion is irrelevant.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy