ANSWERS: 39
  • I would be pissed, but not at my wife. Just at the situation in general. I'm sure that having a sexless, isolated marriage was probably not her goal. Have you asked her what changed?
  • Do something each day for her that you think your wife would totally say, "wow." Don't know how you feel about Dr. Phil, but he has a book, "Relationship Rescue" that you could purchase or check out at your local library. Sorry your wife is so unresponsive but I think you might have some clue as to why this is.
  • you should make the effort to please her and not make it all about sex! make plans with her, doing things SHE wants to do, so she knows that you are still interested in keeping her happy. but make sure it is YOU making the plans not her feeling liek she is dragging you along
  • First thing you should do is take her to a doctor to find out if she is suffering from depression; that could be it.Also, talk to her and find out what it is that's bothering her. How old is she? Is she the age or premenopause or menopause? It can be a physical problem or even something that you are overlooking. How has your relationship been recently? Are you angry at each other? Is she angry at you for something and maybe you are not even aware? There are a lot of different reasons that could be. Talk to her and find out what it is and treat her with love and respect when you do it.I wish you luck.
  • Every person in a relationship is either making things better or making things worse (doing nothing makes them worse). Instead of making a list about what SHE is doing wrong, why not focus on what you can do to help the situation? Here's a hint...talking about it with strangers on the internet is NOT the answer. You should be talking about this with her. Ask her what you can do to help. You can't control her behavior, but you can control your own. Decide what you can do to make her happier, and when SHE is happier, YOU will be happier.
  • yep seen my friends go through the same thing - that is what happens when you get married, good luck+4.
  • its not going to work out until both of you admit that there is a problem. try being more sensitive towards her feelings, and try to show her you can be a loving, supportive husband
  • How angry should you be? Are you serious, she's your wife, your equal, your partner for Pete's sake, not your child, you have no right to lose control of your emotions in any way, if someone behaved like that with you, you'd be the first to be offended. Oh boy, do you have a lot to learn. It seems from your question your wife is a trophy wife, it seems unless she dresses to please not just for you, but everyone you may come in contact with, you don't want to know her. As for sex, women are extremely different to men. Sex for women begins the moment you walk in the door by the way you treat her, show interest in her, and help her. There is no better foreplay for a woman, and if you continue to make her feel special, there will be no extent to which she won't go for you, but if she feels she's just a show piece for your ego, she'll be cold as ice and so she should be, because no one likes to be taken for granted or objectified. I think you've been watching too many Porno movies, times have changed, women are no longer cooks in the kitchen, ladies in the lounge, and harlots in the bedroom, who obey the husbands commands, they're living, feeling, beings, with hopes, dreams and needs of their own. They're just as entitled to equal opportunity and freedom of choice as you are. You are all about you, that's why your wife has lost interest, every human being needs to feel wanted, but wanted for the person they really are, not just when they dress up like a sex object. You are very shallow and superficial, I feel sorry for your wife. I hope this makes you think, it's called constructive criticism, it's given in your best interest, but it will only help if you're big enough to be honest with yourself, about yourself.
  • Was there a huge fight/fallout or a big life "event" that happened that may have caused this? I had some of these problems after I had my baby. I was scared he would find me undesireable so I became depressed and standoffish, I had to seek some help for my depression after my daughter's birth because I got to the point I didn't feel good enough for him anymore. He has always been supportive, it was in MY head the whole time. I was manifesting things I thought he might be thinking of me and was lashing out at him like he had thought them also. I would tell him I hated him for making me feel bad about myself when it was only me. He didn't know what to do, nothing he ever said at that time got through to me. I was convinced he found me repulsive and really secretly hated me. It took counseling for me to realize what was going on really. We have been happy again since then.
  • You need to sit down and talk about it either together or with a marriage counsellor. She could have a low libido, is depressed or maybe feels there is nothing more for her in the marriage, this doesn't mean any of this can't be improved. Start the initiative yourself.
  • Oh dude it sounds like something deeper is going on... She may be in depression... I suggest therapy for this... Maybe take her to a doctor...
  • Dude, seriously, you need a new wife, one that is happy with you. Cuz clearly this one is not.
  • First she is your wife and its for better or worse, and seems she is at her worse right now and since you are her husband she may need some support right now. If she is in a menopause type of thing right now that can make a woman have no interest in sex or much of anything else, she may only have enough energy to do house work or work if she has a job. And the only wanting you to do things she likes is for attention. Maybe talk to her physician and see if you can both go together and find some alternatives to the problem instead of getting angry, that will only make the problems worse. If nothing is working then try talking to her family and see if they can talk with her about this, or a good friend of hers. It sounds like she just needs someone to know they love her and want to be there and help her out. Depression is very hard on the other half and if the meds are not agreeing with her this can contribute to the problems as well, maybe get a second evaluation would help. Mostly just love her and try your best even though you are struggling with this, to be there and support her and do all you can with talking to her physician, her family/friends and get a second opinion if need be ,, hope this helps, good luck to you both!!!!!
  • I think you all need to see a marriage counselor unless you both feel the marriage is hopelessly dead. Not much you both can do unless you both want to try to save your marriage.
  • do what she wants until she gives it up, and try not to mention it, let her come to it on her own
  • You mention in a comment on another answer that you have gone through bankruptcy and foreclosure. Talk about stress!! And stress is one of the biggest passion killers there is. Add the responsibilities of a young family and the medical condition of depression and it's a wonder you have sex even once a month. Does she work outside the home? Staying at home all day, socially isolated and spending all day looking after the emotional and physical needs of your children is exhausting and another passion killer, even without the money worries. Do you two ever have an evening together way from home and without the children? I second the advice about going for counselling for yourself. Look on it as life coaching. Don't fixate on 'you fixing things' in the marriage; you cannot fix this all by yourself. Concentrate on managing your reactions to the situation first.
  • Sounds like she is being a spoiled little you-know-what. Either that or she is totally depressed because of some dissappointment that has gone on between the two of you. I would go out of my way to kiss up to her and if she notices and comes around immediatly she is probably depressed and needs you to make things extra happy for awhile. If you go out of your way for her and she just wants more, then she is a brat and needs to be treated as such. Sometimes people take what they have for granted and she needs to be reminded...
  • Very angry... And you fix this by talking.
  • Are you sure you're not married to a lezbo?
  • watch the movie "Fireproof" with her
  • To be honest if you love your wife and want to be with her, stop sulking, cos that will be depressing her even more and talk to her, without getting annoyed and without mentioning the word sex and see if you can get anywhere from this.
  • if your wife has lost interest in her apperance do you think maybe there is an underlining cause? when was the last time you told her she was sexy? my bf and i went through a rough patch recently when my shifts at work changed from 8hrs to 12hrs n combine that with our 3 year old daughter and no time to myself sex was the last thing on my mind! and yet my bf got upset when i was too tired for sex. even though he did nothing around the house to help me! what you both need is to take a short holiday just you too and find somethings you both want to do. give her some space and do some things for her like tell her to go put her feet up with a glass of wine, tv, book etc n go make the dinner once in a while. believe me when your wife feels supported and appreciated she will be alot happier.
  • I hate to say it, but I don't know if you can. It would depend on whether she is willing or not. It sounds like she is either completely spoiled and selfish, or she has lost interest and has someone on the side, which is really the same thing. I'm a firm believer in marriage and in staying married, but unfortunately, it takes two to do that and it sounds like she has already checked out. I would broach the subject and offer counseling. Try to create an environment in which she can say if there is something bothering her. It is possible that she is withdrawing because she is hurt by something you are doing. But if she is just being selfish, there may be little you can do.
  • How angry should you be is not the problem here. How long have you been married? When the love is gone, so is the marriage. Give her a last minute ultimatum. if this does not work, then file for divorce. Life is too short to be tied down with a person that has "lost that loving feeling".
  • Eveyone else keeps talking about her depression and doctor visists... . You also want to consider that maybe she's got a boyfriend. That's how it started for me.
  • (Lost interest in initiating sex): 1. Maybe you just dont do it for her anymore. In the beginning of a relationship you have sex with that other person like 33 times a day (exxageration)....The sex eventually fades. Thats life. Libidos fade. Having sex is no longer a challenge for either one of you. Mayke sure you marry a good cook cause the sex will fade but you'll always be hungry. (has no interest in looking sexually appealing to you) 2. This isnt all about you and satisfying your needs. You have to try making her FEEL sexy. Complement her. Go out and surprise her with some new lingerie or some thong panties or something. Try playing a sexual game with her. Roleplay. Theres lots that you can do to make her feel sexy. Remember, its not all about how you feel. Im sure there are nights when she comes home from work that she cooks and cleans and shes freakin tired. How about you help her around the house. Do the laundry. Take out the trash. Clean the house for her. How about try cooking dinner one night. You have to give to get. (refuses to hang out with me unless we do things she likes) 3. Are you indecisive about what you want to do on the weekends? Maybe you need to assert yourself more and tell her "you want her to be a part of doing this thng with me"....Make her feel included. Also understand that she isnt going to want to go to monster truck rallies or wrestling matches just the same way you dont want to go shopping for curtains. its all give and take. You choose your battles. Some things just arent worth fighting over. (makes no effort to communicate with me) 4. Here's what you do. You write down a series of questions and have them with you on an index card(s). Simple questions about her. You see its about sharing with her. Taking an active interest in her life. Just the same way she should be doing with you. But ask her questions that provoke dialogue. Things about her. Things about her family. Things about her past. Get her communicating. Start with..."I'd like to turn the tv off right now and have a talk with you about a few things....." tv is turned off....now start with the questions. But ease into it. Remember its not an interrogation. Start off with something easy. Then build on it. If you cannot get any response form her this way you might suggest going to a marriage counselor to get at whats wrong with her. She could be depressed. Perhaps you might be too. Its ok. Just keep communicating. Thats 90% of the relationship. Hope this helps.
  • Seems to me like she is falling out of love and just does not care anymore. How about you giving her some attntion. She is bored with the marriage. Seems like she is looking ffor ways to end it.
  • Perhaps you should look at your own behaviour - if you spend all your time being angry and sulking about all the things you mention, you won't be very attractive to her either.....talk to her, find out what the problem is and then work together at fixing it!
  • Call (CHEATERS).
  • There's nothing to fix....IT'S OVER!!!!
  • ask her why, read her diary what ever just dont keep trying maybe there is something bothering her and if your keep sexually irratating her it might get worse just calm down for a bit and if it doesn't come clean a few weeks later then what the hec talk to her, what do I know Im not even a teenager yet and Im using my aunts accont
  • She may be a bit spoiled and got away with what she wanted to do over time... So, now she takes advantage of that. Anger won't make things better, but a serious conversation with her may help. She needs to know what she is damaging by not involving you and your needs.
  • You should be overjoyed! Why would you want to have sex with an unattractive woman who doesn't like you? OK, "humor" aside, anger won't solve anything. 1. Are you initiating sex your way or her way? Are you attentive to her sexual needs and desires during the actual act? Do you go through the same motions every time or do you strive to make it exciting for her? 2. Do you look sexually appealing to her? Do you wear clothes she despises, or do you groom yourself in a way that she likes? Do you make sure that you smell nice when you approach her? 3. When you hang out with her and participate in activities she enjoys do you do it grudgingly or willingly? Do you belittle her interests? 4. Do you really communicate with her? Do you really listen to her, or do you interrupt and patronize her? Do you know her love language? (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html) Are you willing to love her in a way that actually comes across to her as love, or are you only willing to love her the way you want to be loved? You may feel like you're putting forth enough effort to make her look like the bad guy here, but that just makes you look like a guy who cares more about his own orgasms than his wife's feelings. You can always be a better husband, and you can always show her more love and affection. Ignore your negative feelings and SHOW that wife of yours how much you LOVE her.
  • Bud I was in the same exact relationship. I was married for 10 yrs and right after we got married my ex changed to exactly what you are describing. I tried talking to her, marriage counseling, setting up dates, massages, I even threatened to leave her. I truly tried everything under the sun, and nothing worked. I actually thought that she was repulsed by me and I didn’t understand it. I finally came to a point in my life when I could no longer take it so I left, and wouldn’t you know it but she put up such a fight about everything so I gave it all to her because I just wanted OUT. I moved out and she started breaking into my house and going through my things. She would never take anything but she would always let me know that she was in my house. If my ex would have put a fraction of the effort into our marriage as she put into our divorce than I would have never have left her. I am not telling you not to try, please do, try everything you can think of, and if nothing works than you can honestly say that you gave it your all and you will have no regrets. I hope that things work out for you, but there are some people out there that will just never change and they feel that once they are marred that they no longer have to make any effort to make their s/o happy. Good Luck!!!
  • '
  • Talk to her! She's your wife, after all. If she refuses to talk to you about it, or tries to say there is nothing wrong, perhaps you guys should see a marriage counselor.
  • I see what you're saying. And here's the thing. I believe whenever there is a problem, the answer is . . .communication, communication, communication! The best of luck to you!
  • ...start by doing little things to show her you care (cup of coffee...foot rub...a flower...a note...a smile...a small kiss (but dont initiate anything with her either....- dont advance)...she will see you love her... Call her beautiful (even if shes grubbish) lol Call her your love... (boost her self esteem) The reason she does non of this...is becuase ARE YOU SHOWING HER SHE IS BEAUTIFUL...DO YOU INITIATE SEX (without being angry...or like...FINE. Do you willingly do things SHE LIKES...or do you get angry...EVERYTIME...and Rush her......do you communicate with her, NOT ABOUT YOU...but ask her what HER thoughts are...and her "feelings"....Sometimes a woman drifts away from the man...only cuz they think the man is drifting away from them, and they dont want to feel like they are desperate for their attention....well i hope that helped alittle...(i always gotta keep it brief...even though it really isnt)
  • Answers 3 and 10 were great! There are two sides to every story that's for sure. I will give you credit for wanting to fix it. Asking for help and advice indicates you aren't just some ass who wants it your way and only your way. HUGS it's okay to be angry but not to dwell in your anger. It's counter productive and won't fix what's wrong in your marriage. I am a single woman who is almost fifty. I was married twenty-five years and I understand how difficult some marriages can become. If you want to improve things there is help. The suggestions in posts 3 & 10 are good ones. There are some great books designed for couples to read together like the Venus & Mars books. Remember too that stress, jobs, children and finances all create stresses that can diminish intimacy. What ever you do please please don't look outside the marriage as so many seem to do these days. I am on a few internet dating sites and I get a huge amount of mail from men in sexless (so they say) marriages. Their stories have some common threads. So many that I am surprised when I don't hear the old "my wife doesn't understand me" or "she isn't interested in sex anymore" Some of these guys I think are just out looking for some on the side to stoke their egos. If you exhaust all options please...don't go there? Make a clean break and remember...not all women are like your wife.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy