ANSWERS: 83
  • I feel that spanking is not a constructive method of discipline. Isn't the whole point of discipline to make sure that the behavior is not repeated again.. so by spanking how is one achieving that? All the child is learning is that he/she should not engage in a behaviour because it will result in a spanking. Instead the child should be taught why that behavior is dangerous.. and through an understanding of that he/she will hopefully not repeat the bahavior.
  • Instead you should deprive the child of a favorite toy or something for a certain amount of time until he or she knows it is wrong. .
  • i think that using school methods of discipline is quite effective, you could ground them from leaving house or give them lines (written work) that gets them to repeatedly write their wrong doings. Such as 'I will not shout back at adults in the future'.
  • The definition of discipline is to teach. Spanking is not teaching, it is hitting and a child learns to hit when hit, so any age is too old, or too young for spanking. Effective forms of discipline are those which require the child to LEARN what the right thing to do is, make amends where needed, and change behaviour. Deprivation of privilege can work, as long as it is related to the wrong committed and as long as it is understood. Punishing a child for going beyond the corner of a street after he has been repeatedly told NOT to go past it, will be ineffective if he doesn't understand what a "corner" is in the first place. NO WHERE in the scriptures is physical punishment of children acceptable. The following bears me out: Matt. 18: 6 " But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." In ancient Israel a rod was not used for striking, this is a "modern" invention. The Saviour often referred to His people as "sheep". A shepherd's tool was a staff, or a rod. This was not used to strike the sheep, but to guide them in the right direction. So using Proverbs to justify striking with a rod is not only inappropriate, but incorrect. Children do not learn by being hit. An adult can be charged with assault for strinking another adult, and yet spanking a child is ok? The rod in the scriptures refers to teaching children right from wrong. I am NOT against discipline. Children need discipline, they need to learn to do right. I am against enforcing that discipline with physical punishment. My 5 year old daughter and my 3 year old son have been raised with gentle parenting. They are learning right from wrong. They are well behaved and they are taught through love. Jesus Christ was the greatest example of this. He taught in love and compassion. Never once did He strike a child. I would rather follow His example of love. Animals who are hit learn to "obey" through fear. Animals who are taught in love learn to obey through love. Children who are taught to obey through physical violence (and I include spanking in this) learn to obey through fear and anger. Children who are taught to obey through love and gentleness learn love and compassion. What is more desirable? In response to Mr Simpson: You misunderstand me. I never said no boundaries, I believe in proper boundaries. I use the KJV of the scriptures as well and the scriptures you cite still don't' prove striking is appropriate. In my years of parenting I have never needed to hit my children. If a parent feels the need to physically hit a child it reflects more on them, than on the child. Children DO need discipline and boundaries as I ALREADY said. They don't need to be abused and striking is abuse. I was spanked as a child (not often, but periodically), and it didn't teach me anything but fear and anger. To this day I don't see that it taught me to do right. When my parents taught me correct principles, I learned obedience. In response to Heather: I will use the BIble to help my opinion (are you saying then that abuse of children through corporal punishment is a good thing?) if others use it to try and bolster their opinion. I was refuting THEIR comments using the same tools they used, if you read the other comments. To Questionguy : http://bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Def.show/RTD/ISBE/ID/7460 There ya go. Why is it that people continue to rate me poorly because I don't believe hitting a child is the right thing to do? Studies continually show that when you correct a child through corporal punishment you are more likely to raise an abuser. Our children need discipline and they need LOVE,. And hitting is a sign of anger, not love and correction. Thanks Andersen777 :)
  • Well, I feel that the reason our children now days are killing people, and doing drugs, and having sex at a young age, and being wild is from not being disciplined. There is a point in a child's life that God and the church steps in and can help. Spanking a child should only come when all else fails. When there is no other turning point. But also a parent has to look upon themselves and ask "What do I need to do to make my child into a well rounded adult?" If that means that I need to take 30 minutes out of everyday to let my child know that they are special and that you love them, and take the time to teach them right for wrong. And that there is a consequence for every action then I think there will be no need for spanking a child. A child is a person also. It is our <adults> responsibility to mold them into good descision makers and Christian people. So parents take charge and be in control of their lives then we won't have to use spanking as an easy way out.
  • Proverbs 13:24 (KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him bestimes." Proverbs 13:24 (AMP): "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him diligently disciplines and punishes him early." The practical wisdom found in these verses in the book of Proverbs covers the subject of child rearing and corporal punishment. Children who are not properly disciplined, are among the most miserable of children. Unruly and spoiled children are not the blessings that the Bible says they should be to parents. When a child is given no boundaries they feel lost. If they have been given boundaries, yet those boundaries are not maintained, it causes great harm to a child, as they will not only be in dangerous territory, they will also lose respect for authority. This is where we find so many of the youth today. We have liberal telling the world that it is bad to spank children. So we now watch our society slowly deteriorate from the youth shooting kids in schools, STDs are at a peak, drug use is also the worst it has ever been. We can now watch the youth on TV scream and cuss out thier parents and the only thing they do is tell them they are wrong. Spanking has worked since the beginning of time and there is no evidence that it doesnt. There are cases where parents spank with anger instead of love. Spanking in rage is child abuse, and that deserves punishment. There is also people who will tell you that the rod is another term teaching and spanking was never accepted in the Bible. Also that Jesus would have never done it. Well lets make all this very clear. About the spanking not being Biblical is clearly liberal ignorance. You mean to tell me that some guy is going to come onto answerbag and tell us that scholars for almost two thousand years have been misinterpreting Proverbs 23. Not very likely. If you look at it in context of the verses you will see the word punish. Now teaching is not punishing. That is saying the 14 1/2 years of school I went to was punishment. Doesnt make sense. Keep the words of the Bible in the right context. It is not supposed to be twisted to make yourself sound intelligent. Proverbs 19:18 " Discipline your son while there is hope, but do not set yourself to his ruin. Dont beat the poor kid. Spank them because you love them, not because you are angry. About people saying that Jesus would have never spank a child. You shouldnt spank just a child. Be responsible for your own children. Jesus never raised children. So the what would Jesus do is irrelevant. Always remember to pray before you discipline your children. There is no certain age that I know of that is the deadline. I would have to say up to the point that it is a young man or woman. Also remember to be weary of what people tell you about the Bible. The Bible tells us to prove all things, and hold fast to what is true. Here is a prayer for you Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for my children and grandchildren. I have learned so much over the years through the parenting process. I have failed so many times, but you have been there to pick me up and help me overcome the things that came against me and my children. Lord, being a parent is a challenge that only with your help and love can we be the kind of parents that you call us to be. Lord, I pray for all mothers and fathers who are seeking you for help with their families. Grant your help and favor to them. Give them your love, wisdom and patience in dealing with their children. May all Christians be the godly parents you call them to be, and may their children be loving and obedient so that we all have happy and blessed homes. I ask this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
  • Since everyone seems to be stating whether spanking is right or wrong, but not addressing the question of "when is a child too old to be spanked", I thought I'd hop in. Philosophies and ethics aside, if you decide to spank, you need to determine what the purposes are why you are spanking. At some point, you need to ask yourself if those purposes are being met. For example, let's say you decide to use spanking to deter your child from a particular action. The deterring may be because you feel the action is wrong or that the child is to young for the action. If it is the latter, the child will one day be old enough to take part in this action; there will be no reason to use spanking at this point. If it is the former, then it will be more of an issue of how effective spanking is at deterring the child from the action. A 17-year-old child may not be deterred by (let alone let you give) spanking, but a three-year-old may be. Regardless, if you decide to spank, there is no set age when a child needs to stop being spanked. It depends on your reasons for spanking and whether those reasons are still valid.
  • I discuss this question in some detail on my site: http://www.geocities.com/paul_j_preston/, but here are my views in brief. I think the age at which a child is too old is almost as controversial as the issue of whether children should be spanked at all. I don't believe that any firm answer can be given to the question, for it depends on your child and how quickly she matures. I think we can only suggest guidelines. My experience is that most parents stop spanking too soon rather than too late. It is easy to be fooled by kids today. Their dress, attitudes, and knowledge of the world can make them seem very mature, and so we tend to think they are grown up before they actually are. However, children continue to develop their sense of right and wrong through middle school and even into high school. Therefore, older children need rules and structure as much, and sometimes more than, younger ones. We do our children no favors by ignoring this fact and treating them as "adults." Curiously, most children are aware of their need for rules even when their parents aren't. I have had more than a few kids tell me that their parents are not strict enough: something many parents would be shocked to hear a child say. But living in a world without rules and guidance is scary. Children need and want our direction. If older children need rules, then there must be consequences for breaking those rules; otherwise, the rules are meaningless. But what should the consequences be? For many older children, I think it should be spanking. Spanking has the advantages of intensity and duration when compared to other punishments, and intensity and duration are just as important when dealing with older children as younger ones. Therefore, spanking should continue to be used with preteens and young teens both as a first resort for lying and disobedience and as a last resort when other forms of discipline fail. For older teens, spankings as well as other punishments, will be less frequent, since older teens will have internalized our rules for the most part. Yet there may be some occasions that call for drastic action, and so a spanking may have to be given. It is a good idea, therefore, to keep spanking as a option in case it is needed. I strongly recommend against telling a child that he is too big for a spanking or that you have decided to switch permanently to other forms of discipline. When you say such things, you give up a very powerful tool, and a time may come when you wish you had that tool back. Such circumstances will be extremely rare, but you must be prepared for them.
  • I have heard that long drawn out consequences can actually have a negative affect on a childs psyche. When pain or consequence is delivered fast and felt children tend to appreciate that consequence more because pain is a phenominal tool to help children or adults to not repeat a negative behavior. Spanking does not lead to hitting. Children are completely unaffected by so called reason and taking a toy away. Puhlease! I'm 33 and neither of the latter would deter me from doing it again. People believe that corporal punishment does nothing but create bullies, serial killers (if you will) hitters at the least. Children who are given a spanking on the buttocks have a tendency to respect others more and respect their parents authhority. Which would be tougher or more signifigant to a child. Sitting in a corner/their room/living a week without tv? Or providing a teaching tool that is instantanious? albeit somewhat painful the pain is quick does not linger and immediately shows the child that "hey I don't want to do that again." And off they go in a matter of minutes back to playing and a quik lesson is learned. As a mother of 4 trust me there is no such thing as "reasoning" with a kid.Society has concocted this notion that spanking is child abuse. I believe not spanking has led to a disrespectful, rebellious society in which there is nothing relative nor anything to live for but immediate gratification. I would venture a guess that in the past kids who were taught "pain isnt fun," society was not tattered as much by the moral fibre in which today we live. Stop treating your children as reasonable,understanding little adults and let them learn right from wrong within seconds of bad behavior. If my children end up being hitters on the play yard I will gladly stuff myself with humble pie. Signed unreasonable
  • This is a message for all of you who consider physical punishment for your children: No matter what happens during the upbringing of a child - NEVER HIT, NEVER SPANK, NEVER SHOW OUT-OF-CONTROL BEHAVIOR; children will learn that violence solves problems if you do (monkey see, monkey do). If you hit them, and they still, for some reason look up to you, they will copy your behavior. But spanking may also disorient them, and they are likely to disrespect you for it. Some parents subconsciously spank to "get back" (so to speak) at their own parents, who might have hit them when they swore, or did things they didn't know better than doing... You have to be patient and give the child reason to respect and admire you for your actions. This does not mean that you should spoil them by any means, or let them do as they please in any situation. It is especially inhumane to spank a child for making a mistake - something you had not warned them about in advance... They should not be expected to know what you do - they don't have much life experience, and their first experiences should not include having their skin hit red by people they are supposed to respect. You have to be able to explain and educate your child verbally - it's only human nature to show obstinacy at a young age, and it has been proven (over and over again), that such behavior cannot be spanked away. Children must be listened to, and understood properly by their parents. They cannot be physically forced to think certain ways, and expected to grow up to be individuals with thoughts of their own. Spanking has been banned by law in most of Europe, and since earlier this year, in Canada as well. Are you aware that it's still OK by law (even suggested) for teachers to spank, cane and paddle kids in schools in 22 US states? There HAS to be a change to this! In Finland, for instance, this has been banned since 1890, and the activity in the home was banned by law in Sweden in 1978. In the US spanking at home is illegal in ONE state... The US is a very religious country, and the bible, which hasn’t been much updated in 2000 years, suggests for people to spank their children, and for children to always accept their parent, since they “know best”…well, the world is changing, and HAS changed. A lot of people today know and UNDERSTAND that there are lots of incompetent parents, and that hitting will not solve a problem. It might seem to for the moment, but may, and will on some level, effect a child (a grown up child) psychologically in retrospect. Circus animals are physically punished when taught tricks and "manners" - people should NOT be. People should be allowed to think, and partly learn of their own. Parents in the US, more than other parts of the world, tend to follow certain quotes from the bible on parenting, but times are changing, and the bible is not being updated. This is a serious issue, people. Were you to move to Germany and spanked your child, you can count on being arrested. Same thing in Denmark. Same thing in Norway, Finland, Italy, Austria, Israel, Latvia, Cyprus... There are passages in the bible that speak out AGAINST spanking as well... "Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)." is a good example of this... Recently doctors have noticed a disease (causing an inflammation in the intestine) which strikes adults who have been abused on different degrees as children...all people are different, some psychologically stronger than others, meaning that this disease can strike adults who subconsciously bear the memory of being spanked as abusive. Smacking a child is a very LIGH form of abuse, hitting them with a belt or a cane is a HEAVY form of abuse. No one becomes wiser (just like that) from having their butt smacked - people learn from experience. If they are forced they will become insecure. We must not think of our children as sinister creatures living for ruining the little piece we get in our lives after work and school. Before having entered the life of parenthood, we may have been used to getting that time for relaxing, but when entering parenthood we must accept saying goodbye to big part of that piece. We must love our children and understand that these people are the future of both us, and our grandchildren. If you want to be a parent you must prepare yourself for being patient and understanding - the child should not live in fear by your or anyone else's demand. Love your children, and think of ANYTHING but hitting (thus humiliating) them when their behavior is highly improper, and you may lose your temper. Use your imagination - punishments can be bitter-sweet. It can be fun AND educational. You can make them clean their rooms (or do some of your daily chores) when they stubbornly disobey things they SHOULD and are INCLINED to do. I have forbidden TV, I have withdrawn allowances and toys, I have given orders on cleaning their rooms, I have asked them to clean up possible messes that have been made, at needed times I have raised my voice (without sounding threatening) to let them know I've meant business and that they may have hurt my feelings by disobeying or done something they didn't understand the consequences of, and I have always explained to my children WHY some things should be done, and WHY some things should not be done BEFORE they have had the opportunity to make a mistake. Sometimes they have done wrong out of curiosity, and then there has been an educational discussion. It is natural for children to forget things what they are being told - it is not a disorder. A child's memory and ability to pay attention evolves a lot generally around the age of 8 (depending on the nature of the person this age varies). Sometimes children can drive you mad (I know much about this,) and to put them in line we may occasionally grab an arm in anger or frustration, but don't undress their pants and smack their rears! They are defenceless and in a process of developing all their senses - give them reason to look up to you and admire your actions! I love my children. Two of them are grown up now. They have never been spanked, and they are doing very well. They teach me a lot, and I admire them. One of them just had a baby girl :) Last...I want to quote Boris Sidis, from a lecture on the abuse of the fear instinct in early education in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 1919: "As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator’s threat and by the father’s rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman’s club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies.” (this text can be found on the educational and recommended homepage of "project NoSpank") Here is a link to a VERY educational passage of a speech by Astrid Lindgren for parents to read: http://www.atlc.org/Resources/never_violence.php Thank you all for your time. Sincerely, Proud and loving Grandma' Amber :)
  • A child is ALWAYS too old to spanked.
  • If people are going to use the scripture as a basis maybe they sould think of god as our father. Our father (god) punished the israleites several time. Not by spanking but by death. If you are going to use the scriptures out of context first I suggest you read the bible completely then maybe we should do as our father and kill for not behaving. I think the correct answer to the question would be spank as long as you can hold them down. Good luck.
  • Just because you don't beleive in spanking doesn't mean it's not right or doesn't work.there are many different ways to punish a child.spanking may work for some and others it may not.childrern don't just learn what they see at home.there are many other ways for children to be come voilent without ever being spanked.taking thing away and leaving them in their room could also cause voilence or mential problems.some children don't do well when the are confined,or if you take toys away some may find other things to do like banging walls, playing with matches.either way punishing is painful rather it is physical or mental.how you punish should not be an issue unless the child is anger of death,or being servere abused.what does matter is that you do punish them.
  • Spanking your kids will not teach them to do hit people.if you do it the proper way.spank and afterwards explan to them why they got spanked what they should not do.the key is comunicatio.i think hitting on the hand and butt is ok.it's people who smack,punch and kick that are the problem.do you anyone who was spanked/don't knock it until you try it
  • Obversive of the other people in this room. Spanking does work so long as it is done properly, and not out of anger. Read further before you cuss me out. My best friend has an eleven year old daughter as do I have my baby sister. She does not believe in punishment or discipline by means of spanking. Her Child is always in trouble with the school and tries to order her mom around, including demanding that she gave her $200 for her birthday, yes two-hundred US dollars, or she would smash the tv with her baseball bat. She beats up other children; She throws tantrums and breaks things when she doesn't get what she wants. She does not listen to her mother at all and constantly mouths off at her. She has tried grounding and time out; it doesn't work. This little girl is loud, obnoxious, and greedy. She is spoiled because there is no discipline. Not by excess of material posessions I assure you. Also I must add two other children whom have never experianced corporal punishment. My cousins' son and daughter, he is 3 and she is 2 and they are beginning to show some of the same characteristics The boy kicks his sister and pushes her down, he throws stuff when he doesn't get his way, the girl throws tantrums where she kicks her feet and screams and tells her parents NO!. Now these children ARE violent and have NEVER been spanked so that fouls out one of your conclusions. The other side of the fence. My baby sister is eleven I have helped alot in her raising bcause my mother is very sick. When she does something wrong i.e. kicking the wall. She is first explained to that the behavor is wrong and why this is so. If she repeats the wrong action; She is reminded and told that she needs to control the behavor or she will recieve punishment.The third time she is punished by grounding or time out or "T'V-less thinking time". To consider what she has done. The fourth time if my sister has not learned her lesson she is given one swat with my hand accross her buttocks. when she is finished crying I sit down with her and I ask her "now why did I spank you?" Infallably she will give the correct answer and about 75% of the time the action IS NOT repeated. My sister is making great grades in school, and has many friends. She has not had a single call home so far about behavior difficulties. She is very happy and though she still, of course misbehaves, she is not as apt to as my friends' daughter. I do not allow myself to be angry with her and I understand that it is far healthier to create understanding rather than violence. Spanking is the fourth offense. This way she is given the chance to avoid spanking and it is only done when necessary. She has learned over time to modify the behaviors when told that they aren't right, so spanking isn't necessary. I have assisted in raising two other children (one is 9, the other 13) I helped raising my other sisters from the age of six (I am 21 now and they are 18 and 16). My mother and I have used the same methods for these children and they have all turned out well (including myself). When a child is about 12-14 they shouldn't have to be told more than twice. At 14 telephoneless weekends are a far greater threat than any spanking. so 13 to 14 is too old. Also a good point to keep in mind is that every child is different and different children respond favorably to different punishments. Discipline is essential to the growth process, even animals discipline thier young. Cats and Dogs give a gentle bite to tell thier offspring "no". Another argument, at least here (NC) is if the school can spank my child why can't I? The school gives four swats with a wooden paddle and you have to write a letter if you do not want your child to be spanked. Both my mother and my best friend have written these letters. Do not, by any means allow the schools to spank your children! Sorry, I might just write I book here, lol but also know that children should NOT ever be spanked out of anger or because you are in a bad mood. 5 and under it is more effective to smack your own hands together to make a sound loud enough to startle them. The sound of a spanking bothers children more than ANY pain. I have NEVER left a bruise on any child. Also in my own painful experiance... children don't have to be spanked to grow up violent.
  • Dude, you should NEVER spank a child. For one, it won't teach them ANYTHING and for another thing, they will probably start to hold a grudge against you. (Being a "minor" ables me to know oh so very much about these things! ^_^)
  • Personally, I haven't had kids, but from what I went through when I was a child, I think spanking is important. My parents pretty much had a routine though. They would first set me down and let me know that after the discussion, I would get a spanking. They would discuss what I did wrong - lasting at least an hour - and what I should've done instead. Then I would get my spanking afterwards. Then right after that, they'd give me a hug and let me know they loved me and they only did that so I could learn my lesson. They told me it hurt them more than it hurt me. Yes, there were times when I didn't believe them, but as I look back and think of the kids I'm gonna have (which one is probably on its way - YAY!), I know that they meant it. Now, my parents didn't do that all the time. Sometimes they'd just talk. Sometimes they'd send us to the corner/time out. Sometimes they'd take away privileges. (The last big one was when I was 15. They took away my driving's permit for 3-4 months. That was the biggest lesson for many reasons.) Dad would even just give us the "warning look" and that'd be enough. I wouldn't say spanking is a bad thing, just as long as you don't take it too far. Spanking is for the learning experience. A lot of people these days think spanking is like beating a child. Beating is continuing to attack a child. Letting frustration out on your child. Beating is abusive. Spanking is to punish the kid on their bottom so they will learn they're lesson. The reason it's on the bottom is because that location doesn't hurt (unless done incorrectly); It's mostly the sound and meaning that affects the kid. The kid knows he/she did a bad thing. Yes, many parents these days don't understand that, but you've also got to remember those that do, know what they're doing. Just know that slapping on the face, arms, legs, etc is abuse. Pulling the arm, leg, hair, etc is abuse. Also, there is no need in doing that everytime because that makes it lose it's meaning and purpose. Kids know it's expected and they know they can make it through the spanking, so they'll continue doing the bad thing. (Trust me, there was a time I could see my sister doing that. Of course, she's just stupid and highly stubborn. Hope she never falls upon this website. Haha!) But just remember, everyone. A really good part of the Bible says NOT TO JUDGE! That is what has been happening a lot in the US today, and that's what causes the many internal problems we have today. How we decide to punish our kids for their wrong-doings is not anyone else's problem. Some people may think just talking is good enough. Some people may think spanking is enough. Some people may think taking things and privileges away is enough. Just remember that every parent(s) and every child is different, and no one knows their kid as much as the parent(s).
  • Why would anyone want to spank a child? Imagine this happening to an adult, it’s called assault and is not tolerated. When an adult hits a child it’s a cowardly act of violence. Violence breeds violence! Children who live with hostility learn to fight. When an adult hits a child that adult becomes a bully. Children should not have to endure the suffering caused by angry, bullying parents. Call it what you want but spanking/hitting a child is cruelty at its worst. No matter how it’s justified it's an act of cowardice. Edit for Grandma Roses - I'm sorry you are unable to understand the difference between the removal of a child's toy and assault. The actual definition of assault is this - An assault is either (1) an attempted but unaccompanied battery, without regard to whether the victim was put in fear, or (2) putting a person in fear of a battery. When a child of any age is hit or slapped and having to endure verbal abuse, the result is mental anguish and suffering for that child. Assault is NEVER justified and especially not on a little child whom the parents "claim" to love! Edit – Shabba - There are many ways to discipline children and a 2-year-old is just a baby. I couldn’t even imagine physically striking/spanking or hurting a 2-year-old child. They can be removed from the situation that’s causing the problem – it’s called a time out. It takes eternal patience on the part of parents to deal with a 2-year-old! Violence breeds violence and one look at society today is proof of it. Children are even attacking teachers. Children learn what the live. If their role model (a giant in their eyes) strikes them they will learn how to fight and hurt others who are much smaller in size than they are. Uberlegen – Never HIT a child and tell them that you do it because you love them. It’s a horrible example of what love is. It’s the wrong message if you want a healthy child.
  • Right it teaches nothing but that she'he'll get hit and yet some still do it. My parents spanked my lil 3 yr old bro and I hate that. U you like about 3 yrs ago i used to be kinda fvaoring it in some cases, but now I see that as a short way out for misbehavior. Ok im 18 now and no, when i have kids, I ain't ever gonna spank but yes there will be punishments :Times out, no T.V, Lost of privilege. Yea coming form family who do spank, I won't do it.
  • It doens't make a difference whether u spanked them out of anger or if u explain it or did it in a calm way, you still did it and its like detrimental to the kid.
  • Obviously this is quite a controversial topic. Some people have given their veiws on this topic to completely not hit the child what so ever, however, that's not answering the question. The age "never" is not an age. The AGE of when a child is too old to be spanked depends very much on their behaviour. If you seem to be spanking your child more frequently, or just as frequently as the child becomes older, spanking is uneffective. But if it is gradually decreasing, you are obviously doing something right. The day will come when you find that speaking with your child ONLY will be most effective as their intellectuality has increased. Just to comment on other people's views.. My up bringing was just the wat i mentioned earlier and guess what? It did not make me angry, bitter, resentful, etc towards my parents, nor did it turn me in to a murderer. It only made me better realize authority. I would not take back one incident of me being spanked or hit during my entire life. I have actually found that the kids who have been diciplined by being spanked (not out of anger by the way) are MORE pleasent for the most part. My two brothers are living examples. One was hit and the other was not. Guess who has the anger problems, difficulty with authority and violence? The one that was not. I'm not saying that everything a child does should resort to spanking, nor am i saying that every child actually needs to be spanked. You should know what is best for your child. I think that alot of people don't actuallly understand that it's not like you hit your child and walk away, you do explain the situation and reasoning. And it should also only be used as a last resort. But really think about it. When hitting children was acceptable, was there more or less violence in the community? Parents are becoming more layed back and it's resulting in worse behaved children. What do you find more useful, a child hit at a young age growing up obediant or a child with no sence of dicipline growing up and not knowing where boundaries are. All of those who do not believe in hitting children believe that it is uncivilized. Well only think of your self as a contributor to what you are trying to eliminate. But in the end, you should be able to determine whether your methods of dicipline are working or not whether it be by hitting, taking away the tv (by the way i resented my parents for taking away things more than anything) or talking it out. The key is whether you are having to use these methods less often or more frequently.
  • One thing I always notice whenever this "to spank or not to spank" argument comes up is the amount of people that say "My parents spanked me and I turned out OK" or "my parents never spanked me and I turned out ok." - and in most cases, they're generally right. The only conclusion I can draw then, is that it actually makes very little difference whether you spank your child or not. Its all in the way you do it and your consistency. All the kids running riot that I've come across have fallen into one of three categories: 1) Those who's parents spanked (or, more accurately: hit)their kids on a regular basis, often for no better reason than because they were doing something that irritated the parents, rather than to help their own development. (The kind of mother who gives her daughter a smack around the ear because she's "pestering" her when she's trying to talk to her friend) 2) Kids whose parents let them do whatever they want with no form of punishment or effective chatisement at all. 3) Those whose parents had absolutely no consistency. Either because they favoured one child over another, because they would sometimes be cruel, sometimes over-lenient and the seriousness of their reactions bore no relation to the "crime" commited. In answer to the original question: In any punishment administered to a child the object is surely to assist them in learning that they did something wrong, what they did wrong, why it was wrong and not to do it again. If the child is at an age where spanking would seem, logically, to work on all these accounts, then go ahead. But consider that we all get to an age when spanking becomes a deep humiliation that we become too proud not to react against, we develop an adult reaction whereby we get a "He hit me so I hit him back" mentality . The "violence" (excuse the term, I'm trying to be impartial!) just breeds further thoughts of violence. Think how most adults react when a punch is thrown at them- if someone punches you, your first instinct is to get them back, either by throwing a punch yourself or by pressing charges. Some might say that by this logic a child is still always too old to be spanked (certainly my personal view) - but as a parent, that's up to your judgement- you know your kids better than anyone else on this damned site after all.
  • A child is too old to be spanked when it stops being effective. My brother, sister and I were all spanked and not very often. I use the analogy of touching a hot stove. If you touch a stove and burn your hand, chances are you're not going to touch it ever again. If we got spanked for say, me biting my brother, I never bit him again. Our 11 year old has been grounded for throwing his clean clothes in the left side of his closet, oh geez, TONS of times...loss of his closet doors, loss of the clothes that had been thrown over there, loss of his game systems, loss of TV, grounded to his room, going to bed an hour early for a month, no dessert for a month...you name it...he had been grounded from it. The last time he did it, he got spanked...NOT BEAT, spanked...he's never done it again because, well, THE STOVE WAS HOT! As I said, all 3 of were spanked, we all hold multiple degrees, we're all parents, none of us has ever been in trouble with the law, we're very close to our parents, we all attend church, blah blah blah. Different punishments work differently on differently children. The punishment that works best for our 4 year old is to mess up the shoes in his closet. He is a VERY clean child and his shoes are always lined up perfectly in his closet. Messing up those shoes works great for him. He, so far, hasn't needed to be spanked. The oldest, well, it's the only thing that works. BEATING your child is wrong...spanking/punishing your child is fine.
  • I think the spanking issue has been well debated. I don't believe in spanking or smacking anyone, regardless of their age. What I'm reading here is more "how do I get my kid to behave." For my two cents worth, I found the answer is quite easy. I cared for a foster child who was nine years old and a real handful. He had been in and out of foster homes and "group homes" and had lost all sense of a "normal" life. The first key is patience, and I mean until the end of time patience. The second is withdrawl. All kids want something, and throwing a fit is just a "put on" because they know it works. Next comes making a deal. Kids are a are smarter then we think, Then there's reward. Firstly, give it often and for the smallest goal. Slowly re-negotiate the requests until a fair balance is meet. The most important thing though, is consistance. A quick example. The boy I was caring for ran away from home, school, where ever almost on a daily basis. "why do you run?" Okay, eveyone hates you, there out to get you, no-one listens. What about, I get a playstation if we can cut back on the running away, fair enough, within a week a playstation was in the house, but it needed some games! One bad day the deal could not be kept, evevy effort was thrown back. So, I say we are going to stop off at Mc Donalds for tea, BUT, until we can start talking again, strike up another deal, unless you have enough money on you to buy your own meal, you can just sit there and watch me eat mine. YES, I did. Slowly the thinking slowly started turning, that I wanted to hear all the problems, work of a number of different solutions and most of "listen." I knew the battle was over when before taking him to a gym lesson, I told him, "Whilst your running, ask yourself two questions, where are you running to, and why" I also drove the path from the house to gym, I pointing out landmarks on the way. i was showing him how to run home, not run away. The phone call came through, he's run off again, but the time i had got in the car and driven over to the gym, he was back at the gym, with a smile on his face. One, he had out ran the instructor, BUT he had thought about where he was going, turned around and ran back to the gym. There where plenty of rewards after that victory. Listen, Talk Deal, withdraw, patience, consistance. Try it, it works
  • Honestly, If I had kids, I would spank them until age about nine, then graduate to a cane or strap till they were 17 y/o. Not for anything, just say for lying, stealing, skipping school etc. Years ago, when schools enforced corpral punishment, how often did you see graffity? Never, how often did kids bash older citizens for a dollar or two, never? Kid's didn't murder, kids didn't do armed hold-ups, kids didn't talk back to you or their teacher, kids in those days said please or thank you, stand up on the bus or train for the elderly to take their seat. NO cane or strap, and today we live in this society.
  • In response to some of the answers here (that seem to be against enforced discipline or punishment), I have found in my experience that children NEED boundaries - they need discipline. Not vindictiveness or punitive attacks, but genuine discipline. Kids know the difference. Kids who don't have boundaries tend to be insecure and irrational. I've heard an example of where a child psychologist was dealing with an 'undisciplined child'. Basically the story goes: the psych told the boy he could do whatever he wanted. The boy immediately picked up a Tonka truck from the toybox in the room and threw it out the window. Then he proceeded to self-destruct into a howling mess. The psych said that this breakdown was because the child couldn't understand what he'd done or why. An example: if my toddler son decided to keep opening the front gate and go out on the road, I will stop him, at any cost. If that means resorting to spanking to drill in the message, then so be it. Why? Because I believe the spank to be a lesser evil than being hit by a car. He doesn't understand why I spank him. Yet he learns that if he goes out on the road, he will get a smack. Yes - it is fear, but can you reason with a two year old? Can you tell him not to go out on the road? Can you explain to him that he might get hit by a car? Will taking a toy off him or putting him in his room have any effect? If I have to smack my son, I tell him why. He may not understand it now, but he gets used to being told why. As he grows up, he will reach a point where he will understand when I tell him why. Therefore he will (ideally) grow from my discipline into his own self-discipline. This is an extreme example, but the principle applies to most things: in order to create self-discipline, you must first train the child with your own discipline. The military is a highly self-disciplined organisation. How do they achieve this? By enforcing strict discipline on the recruit during their early employment. A different application with the same effect. Self-discipline is vital to live in a harmonious society. Self-discipline is what the ratbags of this world are missing. Why? Because they were never taught discipline - not true discipline. They were either abused and mistreated, or pampered and sucked up to. To answer the question, if you choose to use spanking as a discipline tool, I think that when the child matures enough to understand the reasoning behind things, then you could look for other disciplinary measures which would have more of an effect than smacking. One negative effect of smacking older children that I see is the fact that if they can reason, then they are at the stage of conscious choice. In this case, smacking will not deter them. They will only 'reason' that they don't like being hit, and they may rebel against it. If a child has been properly taught discipline from a young age, they should carry it on as they grow older - especially if boundaries are maintained. And obviously - I mention this somewhat redundantly - discipline is useless without love.
  • Ask when is a child old enough to be spanked. and why do we feel it necessary to use the euphamism 'spank' for 'hit', Because my health worker told me it was the best way to deal with my first child, he was hit and was a real problem. I never touched the other three and have never had a moments bother with them even as teenagers.Fear is no incentive to do good.
  • When the child knows the difference, between right and wrong. age 12 is generally a good age, that worked for my children. i believed in corporal punishment, within reason. it worked for me as a child. my wife and i raised our grandchildren and tried the standing in the corner/timeout routine. no success. but, bringing out "big bertha", a 3-inch wide leather belt, received more attention and respect, than anything else. the psychological effect was amazing. it never was actually used, but the thought was commanding. twelve years old was our cutoff age. this age may not be suitable for everyone. all children are different and spanking may not be appropriate for your child. as a parent, you will know when, it just comes natural.
  • You can't beat respect into a child! People shouldn't hit people, that's all. If you have a problem communicating feelings and expressing yourself, that's your issue - one that needs to be resolved before the child is a teenager able to go and do outside the house, without having to have an adult with them. It's all about setting boundaries when they are young, demanding respectful behavior, and acknowledging the child doing good as they grow into the world.
  • I would probably say around the High School age. But heck, until they are out of your house really. In the Book of Proverbs, it says that blows are for the backs of fools, and there is no age discrimination there. I wish there were still public beatings for idiots. My father said that his high school used to paddle. Spank until they are out of the house if you want and need.
  • To not spank, goes against thousands of years of wisdom. Much less the very Word of God. It is not an act of aggression. It is an act of love. If you love your kid, you will let them know, by disciplining them. Spanking does not rule out hugs and kisses and communication!!!! But it is putting wind into the sails of your boat of parenting. It's not abuse, it's wisdom and love.
  • You're never too old to be spanked (prrrrrrrrrr............)
  • If the child is someone elses and not related to you and willing i would say its up to them to say when you should stop spanking her,
  • preteen.
  • I would not spank a child after they get out of high school, but if they are still living in my home, they abide by my rules or they can leave anytime they want.
  • Okay, my turn! Spanking should stop the minute your child is strong enough that it becomes a struggle to even do it properly. Why? because once they are old enough to start wrenching and pulling away, the potential to harm them by "missing" the padded posterior is too great. My kids are all pretty strong. The last time I tried to spank my youngest (he's seven) he struggled, I missed and hit him in the back. Thank god in was only a "test" swing for aim. He jerked, I hit his back. That was it. We don't spank anymore, but not because it didn't do any good. It's just that it did all the good it could. It's time to switch to other methods more appropriate for kids his age, just as we did for his two older brothers. I'm really sick of hearing of all the damage spanking does. I was properly spanked by my parents many many times. I only remember one of them. It was the last time my Father ever spanked me. I was thirteen. He stopped for the same reason I did with mine. I got too big and strong for it. You know why I remember it? Not because of the spanking, but because of the long talk he had with me afterward explaining to me why he wasn't going to do it anymore. That he couldn't force me to do right or stop me from doing wrong. From now on all he could do was advise and hope I would listen. It was the scariest moment of my life. Suddenly I was responsible for my actions. Now if I screwed up I had to live with their disappointment. THAT was a HELL of a lot scarier than a spanking. Sometime after that I had two cousins (brothers) with a Cuban father who took belts to their rears (on occasion). When they saw me going through a lecture from my parents one day, they came to me afterward and asked me if this is what they did every time I did something wrong. When I told them yes, they both said they would rather get the belt. At least it's quick and you get it over with. They would rather have been spanked than be made to think about what they had done. Lest anyone think "Well, see, that proves that the spankings were not effective. If they were, you wouldn't wish your parents would go back to them." you couldn't be further from the truth. It was the very memory that I could have been getting a spanking that caused me to listen more intently to reason. You cannot reason with a four year old or even a six year old about everything. Sometimes "because I said so" has to be enough. And when it isn't a good firm swat on the behind, or even several, if necessary may be in order. The younger you start, the younger you'll be able to stop. It's funny, with all three of my boys, the age it became physically ridiculous to continue was just about the age that reasoning and reward systems began to work well. Well, that's my $20.50 worth.
  • I ask myself what do our actions say to our children when we use a punishment like spanking. That the way to get compliance is through hurting someone? I, as a survivor of spanking and physical abuse, admit that knowing I was going to get a spanking at times may have kept me from doing something wrong. However, as an adult I see where the psychological repercussions of spanking and physical abuse could lead to some of the problems the World faces today. Parents must first be good leaders, and a good leader understands the needs of the followers. Lead by example, not by the belt. Spanking (physical abuse) only harms it rarely helps. There are alternatives. I don't want to get all Dr. Philish on you so, this is only an opinion that I hope helps answer your question.
  • At birth!
  • when they're too old to make childish mistakes that require it!
  • Never, I am 41 and I got spanked tonight. There are more than enough "serious" replies here. I don't have kids so it's a moot point anyway.
  • It is NEVER appropriate to hit a child or anyone for that matter. Growing up in a household full of non-stop violence, I can speak from experience that Punishment doesn't teach anything but hatred and resolves nothing. My suggestion would be to try a more patient approach and disipline the child instead. This is a more constructive and mature way in modifying a childs behavior and in watching you they too will learn to act more civilized as they get older.
  • I was 16 when i got my last woopin.
  • The day the child is born he/she is too old to be spanked.
  • Can anyone say "Never"? I gave birth to them which means I'm the boss!
  • I sometimes had the following conversation with mine: "Do that again, and I'll turn you over my knee." "Mommmm! I'm too old for that!" "Then you're too old to act like you need it." Worked every time.
  • a child is always too old to be spanked, it has no positive effect.
  • A child should Never be spanked full stop! you sicko ! !
  • At birth. I worked with delinquants for years, corporal punishment was not allowed. When I had my own child I figured that I had the keys, the height, the car, the money, the smarts. I could find a way to get my child to comply without having to resort to hitting
  • I was 14 the last time my mother slapped my face. I slapped her back (first and only time), she never laid hand on me again. I'd suggest you never hit children, but if you aren't clever enough to think of another way, be sure to stop before getting hit back will hurt.
  • never,as long as your the parent.
  • Maybe I'm strange, because of being let run wild at the age of 7, but I personally think one is never too old to be spanked- especially if they insist on doing stupid, irresponsible things that put themselves or others in danger. For example: Driving while drunk. As long as its done in a loving, proper manner, I think any child still living under their parents roof should be subject to rules and the consequences of breaking them.
  • Children should be trained to become good adults and every child need a good spanking. I was spanked alot with canes and swithces and it did me alot of good to tell the diffenese between good and bad. Children need to be trained to be obedient christians and there is nothing betta for training than a stinging tool such as a paddele or cane.But dissiplining kids need to be systematic and notabuse. I knew that for stealing i got 30 lashes and for swearing 20 and for not eating my vegies 10 and for lieying 30 etc. at least the kid will know what the punishment will be. When the child is about 17 parents need to stop spanking but by that time the child has lernt how to beehave.
  • spanking a child should go on for as long as the son/daughter acts like a child. For example if a 16 year old is giving you lip why not throw her over your knee take down her pants and give her a good smacking with your hand or a hairbrush? she is asking for it and it will most likely teach her not to do it again. a good smack never hurt anyone ( well not permanently :) ).
  • When he/she can turn around, swear at you, then slug your face in. Or when he/she is taller than you.
  • ill be short just to be odd ball out. when they learn how to behaive well
  • As soon as it is at an age when it can spank you back harder!
  • Spanking' is child abuse at any age!! Any age is "too old." Here is my answer to another question: A leather belt was used by my mother and his own belt was used by my Dad....sometimes his had a metal end on it. The only other 'corporal' punishment was a slap to the face. NO, NO. I do not think that in any way it made me a better adult. I know that it did not make my older brother a better adult because he used corporal punishment on his sons and worse on 2 of his 3 wives---"the third wife laid down the law" so he never hurt her physically when he was drinking. (In every way he acted out at his family as an alcoholic just LIKE our father did. My younger sister was 'spanked', beaten, more than once with a belt and there is no doubt that it DID NOT make her a better adult. In fact, it led her to hate herself, have very poor self image, believed that she was no good in every way and she could never find peace with/from God. Her 2 worst "spankings" beatings with a belt were: at age 7 by our young 24 yr "saintly" mother; and, at age 17 by our father. Nobody remembers why she was 'spanked for doing something wrong" at age 7. I remember every blow and the yelling at her and her fighting to get away from mother's hold on her with one hand and swinging the belt with the other.At age 8, I was powerless as were my brothers, age 6 and 9. At age 17 in 1957, she still lived at home aand bought a car after getting a great job after her June 1957 graduation. Most Saturday nights she and a girl friend would go to a movie, bowling, skating, and similar activities that were available to teenagers in the 1950's over 30 years before the sexual revolution and ease in buying beer, and the use of heroin primarily in the NE U.S. One night she and her girl friend did not just 'drag' (as in the movie, "American Graffitti" that was filmed at the favorite drive-in, round, at one of the street that was crowded by teenagers every Fri and Sat nights) the street and yell at the boys, but they left town and drove 60-plus miles away AND she arrived home at 8:00 a.m. When she opened the front door father demanded that she go to her room...our mother and I were in the kitchen and, as at age 9, I could only listen to her screams because my interference at 18 would just have meant that he would become even more angry and beat me too. Same for our mother. (That evening she called our grandmother and was on the plane to travel 5 states away the very next morning.) What he had done: Made her remove her clothing all except bra and panties, used his stiff narrow belt with a metal end to beat on her so hard so long. The incident was not mentioned by our parents. You see, he had decided that she was out there having sex with one or more boys---being liki him probably several times a week when at his favorite bar owned by the woman he had slept with for several years before alcohol killed him at 47. How "in God's green earth" could those 'spankings' have made her a better adult. She never spanked her own kids who are 3 fine adults now. She died at 57. God was merciful for she was happy one minute and dead the next, before her son could walk around the table, when an anyourism broke in the front of her head. Sadly, the laws making such treatment Child Abuse did not come until the 80's. I realize that some adults can bury such memories so deed that they do not realize the power those buried feelings have on their adult lives.
  • i think noone has the right to spank a human being.
  • depends on the child and parent!
  • as long as a kid is being supported by and living in parents home the parents in my opinion retain the right to dicipline their children, it does not matter whther they are 7 or 17 i was spanked until i was 17
  • i was 16 yrs old i was 30 mintues late coming home my dad tooked me to his bedroom pulled down my and panties laid me across the bed i was spanked for 30 mintues with a belt my bottom was black and blue for days i was never late again i thought i was to old to be spank my dad did not think so
  • i was 16 yrs old i was 30 mintues late coming home my dad tooked me to his bedroom pulled down my and panties laid me across the bed i was spanked for 30 mintues with a belt my bottom was black and blue for days i was never late again i thought i was to old to be spank my dad did not think so
  • I was spanked until I was 18yrs old that is to old to be spanked Now that I children I will not spank them how I was spanked I always got beat with a belt I stop spanking my kids at the age of 8yrs old
  • umm anytime they are mature enough for groundings and other things that are more affective my parents stopped at age 10 i think,. and then the groundings started coming..
  • any age past the age of 9, is too old.
  • 16 there are just some kids that take a little longer to grow up, it also depends on the child.
  • My dad was a strict miltary man my brother and I got spanked from the age of 2-18 Our dad and mom believe in good old fashion discipline When we misbehaved Both our parents came in our room explain what we did wrong why we are getting a spanken Our mom would take off our pant and underwear lay us across the bed our dad would take off his belt and spank our bottom until our bottom was red and sore our mom watched us get our spanking My brother and I bottom was always red and sore
  • When he/she starts to like it!
  • My mom's philosophy was untill I moved out of the house but for me I'd say maybe up to 10-12 years old (no earlier than 5 yrs old)!
  • I WAS SPANKED UNTIL I WAS `18 I TURNED OUT JUST FINE THERE WAS EVERY WRONG WITH PUNISHED OUR CHILD WHEN THEIR DID SOME WRONG WHEN I MISBEHAVED OFF COME MY PANT AND PANTIES PUT OVER THE KNEE SPANKED WITH THE BELT THERE WERE DAYS I GOT SPANKED MORE THEN ONCE MY BOTTOM WAS RED AND SORE UNTIL I WAS 18
  • When they could forcefully spank you back.
  • A child is too old to be spanked at the moment of birth.
  • is 58 still too old:)?
  • I guess when they outgrow the need for it or move out, which ever comes first:-) For me, it was both. I was almost 18 the last time my father felt he had to spank me lol! I was engaged to be married at the time and the wedding was in 4 months time:-)
  • I was 12 or 13. Mom gave two swats per our age with sn egg tutner. Mom wasn't about to hurt her hand.
  • Well I will agree with most people on this site. I think that Spanking is very effective. But my husband and I don't use it all the time. We find it is much more effective when used for the more serious crimes. For instance, when our two year old pulled the cover off of an electrical socket, after being told not to. He was rushed into the bedroom for a sound spanking. I would much rather my child learn not to play with electical sockets by my consequences. (spanking) rather than by natural consequences (being electicuted). As for age and how old is too old to be spanked. My step daughter age 14 has recently come to live with us and has quite the disrespectful mouth. The other day after yelling and cussing me out. My husband who happened to be home at the time decided, after discussing it with me, that a spanking might be exactly what the doctor ordered. He tried it, and its been about a week now, and no more disrespect!
  • Well I will agree with most people on this site. I think that Spanking is very effective. But my husband and I don't use it all the time. We find it is much more effective when used for the more serious crimes. For instance, when our two year old pulled the cover off of an electrical socket, after being told not to. He was rushed into the bedroom for a sound spanking. I would much rather my child learn not to play with electical sockets by my consequences. (spanking) rather than by natural consequences (being electrocuted). As for age and how old is too old to be spanked. My step daughter age 14 has recently come to live with us and has quite the disrespectful mouth. The other day after yelling and cussing me out. My husband who happened to be home at the time decided, after discussing it with me, that a spanking might be exactly what the doctor ordered. He tried it, and its been about a week now, and no more disrespect!
  • Well I will agree with most people on this site. I think that Spanking is very effective. But my husband and I don't use it all the time. We find it is much more effective when used for the more serious crimes. For instance, when our two year old pulled the cover off of an electrical socket, after being told not to. He was rushed into the bedroom for a sound spanking. I would much rather my child learn not to play with electical sockets by my consequences. (spanking) rather than by natural consequences (being electrocuted). As for age and how old is too old to be spanked. My step daughter age 14 has recently come to live with us and has quite the disrespectful mouth. The other day after yelling and cussing me out. My husband who happened to be home at the time decided, after discussing it with me, that a spanking might be exactly what the "doctors" (my husband and I are both Dr's) ordered. He tried it, and its been about a week now, and no more disrespect!
  • not a spanking...just one quick well placed swat on the butt works very well.Mom had it down to a science.She would not say one word .When you were caught misbehaving or not doing what you were told, she would sneak up behind you and with one sharp,swift strategic strike <<POW>>..SHE HAD YOUR ATTENTION.The only word from her was "NOW"
  • when he/she knows he can retaliate and get away with it :)
  • I was still spanked when I was 17. Is that too old? I didn't think so myself at the time.

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