ANSWERS: 34
  • well there's no reason to really mope about it now, it already happened -now you should REALLY be upset if she objects to it. mhm *nods*
  • well many congrats to you then , its a rare day that a mother aproves of her daughters boyfriend let alone agrees those two should be together.... count your blessings ,dont worry about a thing and starting planing that wonderfull wedding.
  • You should probably just get over it. Many things in life do not go as planned but they turn out fine anyway. If you are going to obsess about how the proposal wasn't 'perfect', you will have no reason to complain when the wedding planning or the wedding itself does not go perfectly and your girlfriend becomes bridezilla - you don't want to go there. Just enjoy this time in your life.
  • Yes its annoying,but at least she was excited.
  • Yes. You have no, and never will have any authority over your soon to be mother in-law. Accept that she's not going to keep a secret (even a nice and reasonable one to ask) from your fiance. Learn from this, but don't hang onto the emotion.
  • Thank you all for your quick responses. I am just having a hard time letting it go for some reason. I feel like a milestone in both of our lives was cheapened by this. Also, the fact that everyone was lying to me about it so that I wouldn't know for the 4 months up until I proposed (including my now fiance) makes it even worse. I don't think lies are a good way to start off a marriage. :/ Perhaps I am overreacting, but I don't know how to tame my feelings of outrage and betrayal...
  • Congrats, but your mother-in-law sounds pretty terrible. She needs a few good words from your fiancee to keep her mouth shut later in the future; and don't tell her anything secret anymore.
  • Yeah, just let it go. But, you did find out you can't trust her with a secret.
  • You should rejoice in the fact that she accepted and remember not to tell MIL anything that is a secret. You are going to start this marriage off bad if you dont let it go and move on, there will many there things much bigger than this to worry about.
  • Your future mother-in-law may have been so excited, that it just slipped out. Some women are that way. Its over, its done, so move forward. You two have too many plans to make, rather to let this spoil your wedding. Next time, bestow your secrets to someone else.
  • Just let it go. Your future mother-in-law didn't tell her daughter to hurt you or to deceive you, she was probably very excited and couldn't keep it from her daughter. You really can't expect a mother to keep things like that from her daughter. That's a big secret to keep and if her daughter would have asked her anything concerning the relationship, you would have put her in a place where she would have had to either tell her anyway or lie about it. The best thing to do is to keep things you want to be a secret...secret. Just remember, her family wasn't out to hurt you and she wasn't either.
  • You will have to get over it as it's done and finished. Keeping up some kind of resentment or anger isn't going to change anything nor make anyone feel better. Keep the family peace, they will be your family soon enough. After mentioning your disappointment, let it go
  • You must forget it and let it go because you dont want to start off your marriage in an angry fit to her mother. I would definitely NOT tell her anything else regarding presents or anything that you dont want anyone else to know before hand. You could get even though if you decide to have kids and find out the sex and tell her you know, but you are not TELLING as you want it to be a surprise!(maybe she will get the hint)
  • There's nothing you can do now. The positive side to this is now you know her mother and you'll know not to trust her when she says 'secret's safe with me' :)
  • yes i would get over it. It says that your gf was so excited she had to tell someone close to her. Also, how long do you think it wouild be a secret when the mother sees her wearing a ring? It's her mom. Dont steal the gf's thunder. Let her proclaim to to everyone. Why keep it a secret? Are you in the cia or something?
  • what can you do? you're gonna have to get over it
  • Well unless you want to call off the engagement then you are going to have to get over it, and let this be a leason to you, never tell your mother in law a secret anymore.
  • Yeah, I think so. Sounds like there's not much you can do about it at this point anyway. You just got engaged. You should be celebrating, don't let something like that ruin it.
  • I'm not sure I understand the details (her mother told her that you were going to propose before you proposed? or she told the family about the engagement before she could do it herself?), but probably her mother didn't mean any harm, and was just being over-eager and nosey. If you want to, you can let her know that your feelings are hurt because she didn't keep your secret like you asked her to, but if that will cause a scene I would avoid it and just get over it. And there are some things to learn from this situation: her mother isn't to be trusted with secrets, and you'll probably have to put some work in the first few years (you and your fiancee together) putting up some boundaries between yourselves, your lives, and her and her life, and what is personal and private and what is public. Good luck!
  • Yeah, there's nothing you can do to change it now. Just keep moving forward and don't let it bother you too much. Just make a point not to tell her mother secrets anymore :)
  • Yes...what is most important is planning your life with this woman and in doing so you will have to see her mother often. Be the bigger person and focus on what is more important...the woman you love!!!! :)
  • yes you should get over it,but I can see where it made you upset, and the soon-to-be mother in law should have kept her mouth shut, cause now you are gonna probably hold that little grudge against her now. But this is the family you chose, just celebrate and let bigons be bigons
  • Get over it - you confided in the wrong person. Moms and daughters who are close to them rarely are able to keep secrets from each other. Be thankful that your fiance has such a relationship with her mom and be thankful that you will have such a great mother-in-law. AND congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!!
  • I can understand and feel your disappointment, but you have to get over it . . . just let it go. Consider it a lesson for the future. Don't ever, ever make a negative comment about your future mother-in-law as it will never be forgotten by her daughter. You've received many blessings, it sounds like. Enjoy them and just let this go.
  • She said "YES!"...be happy. In the future of course, don't share any secrets with you mother-in-law (to be) :)
  • Congratulations and get over it:)On thegood side,it seems like she was just as excited as her daughter.The bad side is that it shows that she's a bit selfish and has a big mouth.Consider it a good lesson.Don't tell her anything you want to keep secret in the future.
  • Why ON EARTH would you have asked her mother first? Although you are demonstrably out of your mind to ask your girlfriend to marry you in the first place -- and good luck with that, by the way ("congratulations" to you and "good luck" to the girl are traditional) -- you're certifiably insane if you thought you should ask her mother first.
  • As hard as it may be you do need to let it go & get over it. It's over & done with now. If you really feel the need you could let her know in a very polite manner that it did bother you that she would spoil a moment that you had taken time to plan for her daughter. But, remember your going to marry into this family so you don't want to start out on the wrong side.
  • Her mother should have kept her nose out of your business, but not everyone can help themselves. Just let it go and focus on the fact that she said yes! Be happy!
  • If it was to be a surprise or a secret, you should have kept your lips sealed.
  • #1 mistake was telling mom, never tell mom if its a secret. But anyway yes you should just get over you told her so the mistake is as much your as hers.She said yes so you got what you wanted. From now on just don't tell mom. GOOD LUCK!
  • respect respect. my friend, you did the right thing. you asked the future inlaws for their daughters hand in marriage. well done. BUT..... If mother in law is going to be like that - do not ever forget that your fiance's mother is always going to be her mother. I would advise not to mention your concern with your fiance. I would go straight to the source. The mother in law! Now, don't get all cross and nasty. You need to ask your mother in law how she 'accidently' let it slip to her daughter that you were about to pop the big question. You need to let your mother in law know one thing, you will not roll over, sit, heel, fetch, or behave in a way that your mother in law may want to treat you like. Be very diplomatic. Tell her outright that you have been getting yourself all twisted up by what she did, and all you want to know is, was it an accident that she mentioned it, or, why did she tell her daughter?, especially considering you told her to keep it a secret. I'll put it another way. If it was your best friend who told another friend about some surprise you had lined up for them, but the best friend spoilt your surprise by telling them about it first, what would you do? however you answer this question is how and what you should do with your mother in law. Depending on how your in law reacts when you confront her (in a very diplomatic friendly manner), you should learn a valuable lesson and keep your mother in law in the dark about everything from now on. She's the last to know!. Don't worry about getting your fiance's opinion first, she'll tell you to forget it. THEN you mother in law will do it again and again.. I say this with experience. An oddly similar thing happened to me. I confronted her about it. (i was very upset and disturbed, and felt i needed to approach her about it)... funny thing happened, it made our relationship grow. 'My' mother in law and I have a fantastic friendship now. It's almost like it was a test of some kind - like, she was trying to find out if I was a 'genuine' man or something. I hope this essay helps you.
  • You should be happy you're lucky enough to be getting married.
  • Too late to fix it so move on and if you don't want to chance her spoiling something else, don't tell her.

Copyright 2018, Wired Ivy, LLC

Answerbag | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy