ANSWERS: 19
  • Jen, I'm sorry for your loss. You need more help that anybody here can give you in these short comments. Please ask your doctor for a referral to somebody with whom to talk this out and help you deal with it.
  • I have edited my answer, in case someone thinks I have been cruel. Your grief sounds profound. In my opinion, it is a profound grief and trauma that produces such strong sensations like smell and body memories. I have had very strange sensations during grief, that seemed to be directly produced by my own sadness, fear and loneliness, after the death of loved ones. It took a lot of grief therapy to recover. Jen-Jen was telling me that someone had down rated her and I was commiserating and encouraging her. I am sorry that people can prey on the vulnerable, the ones that will be hurt by their nastiness.
  • Im sorry to hear that Jen, people deal with trauma in different ways. I best I can say is just take things moment by moment and remember to breathe...just breathe. Keep talking about it, to help you deal with it.
  • Jen, I'm saddened to learn of the loss of your husband. I'm sure that with the death of somebody so close, times arise that make it hard to make sense of the world. It seems like your having one of those times right now. Such a loss could bring forth emotions that threaten to overwhelm you with feelings of confusion and sorrow in ways that most of us could never understand... even years after his death. Hopelessness and despair may well up in your heart, and it may seem as though comfort is beyond your reach, but remember that friends are among the greatest gifts that life could bestow upon all of us. They can provide wisdom, comfort, love, honesty and patience... if you would only let them. I don't know how to make it stop, but I can offer my friendship and support. I'm here for you if you ever need me. {{{HUGS}}}
  • Perhaps you need to find a way to replace the bad memory with some good ones. You can't change the fact that he is gone, but you can change how you deal with it to be a more positive experience each anniversary. Some ideas: Plant a tree that you can watch flourish each year Plan an annual vacation you'll look forward to going on Perform a random act of of kindness to others, like delivering flowers to a friend, or baking cookies for local law enforcement, firehouse or a VW hospital.
  • I don't understand why the DR's, but please, Jen don't let someone else's issues deter you from healing- I am here for you, as well as other people here on AB. Look at the positive instead of the negative, and you will continue to heal. God Bless ;)) (Big Hug)
  • I don't see any reason for the DRs AT ALL Jen, but you know I'm always here for you like you have always been there for me. Unconditionally and unbiased. Here is a song that means alot to me, I want to share it with you.
  • Here is a little inspiration, Jen...hope it helps. Cry if you need to- let it out, girl! ;))
  • One year is not a long time for grief and anniversaries are very difficult. I am so sorry that you are having to travel this journey and pray that it will lead to peace and growth for you. Every sense we have ever experienced forms a sensory memory and is stored in our brains, but there is the large issue of grief. You are still working on your healing. The smell represents that for you. It may mean that you are frustrated with the pace or it may mean that you are still having a hard time letting go while the other part of your brain is telling you to do so. You are conflicted and that is normal. You are NOT crazy. You are grieving. I hope you have a grief support group where you can discuss these things with fellow travelers and share insights. You will get better, but first you will get over some hurdles and they are tough. Don't lose heart and keep talking to people you trust. I am praying for you. Please keep me updated on your progress.
  • Only you can really make it stop... and even then, you will remember... It's just making it less disruptive to you that you need. The best thing I think you could do is every time you think of how sad you are that he's gone, think of something you two did together that you and he loved to do. Force yourself away from the negative to the positive memory. The more you do it, the easier it will be become. At some point, it will become almost automatic. Then, when you WANT to feel down about it, you just don't let yourself go to the happy place. Then you cry, feel despair, and have a "pity party" with yourself, truth be told. When you don't, you now KNOW how to "flip the switch" to remember the good times. Sorry about the DRs this question got. I'm sure it's more for the imagery of a "rotting body" and the smell than anything else. (I really don't think it's about YOU, no matter what you may think.)
  • Here it is...
  • I think everyone who has answered this question deserves to know my story. As many know my husband was an addict, and because he was we didn't live together.He had his house, and I had mine. One day he went missing, and I thought he was in the city seeing his family. He had went to see them before without telling me he was leaving, but when the phone rang, and it was the mother of his children I knew he wasn't, and the search for my husband started. I started calling his friends, but no one had seen him. I stopped and spoke to the women who lived below him. She said she hadn't heard anything. I knew something as horrably wrong, because he loved to play his music loud. When I went to walk out the door she grabbed me by the arm, and said, "It smells like something is rotting out here". Scared of what I would smell I barely took a breath through my nose, and tears flooded my face. I ran out the door, and to my sisters car ( she had given me a ride ) screaming at her to take me to the police station. I told the police my story, and they went in and found my husband laying face down on the living room floor. From what his family, friends, and I could piece together, he had been missing for three weeks, and the corner backed that up when I spoke to him. The next day my husbands son came to pack up his fathers stuff, and my mother-in-law asked me to be there while he did. I had to stand in the house where he died, smell his rotting body, look at the dead maggots, and the black spot where my husbands body once laid. According to the report, he had a heart condition no one knew about including him, and died of a heart attack. To those who thought I was full of sh^t, I only wish.
  • i'm sorry for your loss
  • My opinion is that you should have counselling. It was a very traumatic ordeal to go through and it sounds to me like you may be suffering from something like PTSD connected to this. I would strongly recommend you speak to your doctor and try and get some help in getting over this. There is absolutely no shame in accepting whatever help can be offered to you. In the long run, I think you'd benefit enormously. All my best wishes.
  • I have absolutely no advice at all, that's rather traumatizing and just wanted to say I'm sorry about the whole incident, and its current effects. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but the only advice I can think of which would be safe to give is to go see a therapist about this. They might have good coping methods to suggest. Otherwise, I would try dealing with it on my own somehow, but in these cases people have very different approaches, and what I think -might- work for me might totally not be the same for you. :/
  • Jenn I wish with all my heart i could make this go away - if you ever want to talk please find me!!!
  • seriously you can try burning sage (you can get it at a health food store) while burning through out the house make sure you get the corners and while doing it you need to ask the spirit that is using this against you to please leave and only positive spirits are welcome in your home.
  • My goodness how sad. How did your beloved Husband die? Im very sorry for your loss. You have to be strong. I know there;s nothing I can say to help, but I will keep you in my thoughts/prayers.
  • Sorry for your loss. It is very typical to see, hear, and even smell things associated with the deceased. I am sure that in time it will pass. You might want to ask yourself if you WANT it to go.

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